Sick Day

I enjoy a good sick day. Waking up on a Monday and just saying fuck it. It’s good to take a personal day every once and a while, keeps the spirit youthful and healthy. I have one of those TV’s that swivel around, so that way no matter where you are in the apartment, you can have some media playing. I always like to keep something on while I’m at home, it’s like white noise for my thoughts. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen or office area, just walking around cleaning up, piddlin’ as we call it in the South. It’s such a nice day today. Sunny, around 65 F. Opened all the windows, let some sun come in. My Window directly faces the parking lot as the eastern side, so great sun rises and people watching. The feeling of sun hitting your skin is so nice. I have a feeling it’s going to get a good meditative day.

I have this female friend. You know, that first sentence encapsulates my curiosity. Why did I say, Female friend? Could I have gotten the same results by just saying friend? I personally think when communicating to people, when you use small descriptors throughout multiple sentences, you help draw a literary picture for people. However, I can understand someone sensitivity. Have you ever heard someone describe you? Someone might describe me as a fatty fat fat bald guy. Yes, those things are true, I mean I’m more pudgier than fat, however it’s a descriptor that’s vaguely accurate. People are getting a little too sensitive about their identities. So, back to my “Female Friend”. On an emotional level, there’s been some sexual tension, most likely curated by myself, and only seen by me, but it’s there none the less. So this female friend, and her partner, which I’m also attracted to, approach me the other day. They got all serious, which is out of character for our relationship, and began to “Enlighten” me on their new identities. They will no longer go by He or She, but only “They” and “Them”. I immediately smiled and thought to myself, so you want to be called “It” seeing how that’s the singular, but I kept my mouth shut. I’ve been pondering that conversation for some time now. I keep myself in line by just using their God given names when I can, and since I’m southern I can get away with “Yall”, smoothly. People have a lot of time on their hands, ya know? I can honestly say, I’ve got some feminine qualities about me. I’m still a guy and I’m attracted to girls, but I’m still a little less man-ly than most. Then again, everyone’s on a spectrum, I just don’t understand that need for a unique identifier or A label. I can honestly say I don’t care what others think, so much so that I hide who I am from the general population. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this world, it’s that people love to jump to conclusions and love even more to crucify for little to no reason. I’m guilty of it too, we love the drama of normal every day life. So, adding that to the equation, my analytical mind says that people only strive to label themselves so that they can more quickly and justifiably shit on people when they have a different stance. Me saying he or she when someone doesn’t identify as that. Or on a different note, saying something benign in levity and having someone manipulate it into hate. We have a very odd society. At one time, we had only a few labels. Felt like it started with Black and white, then it was men and women. With those divides and labels, we moved into political divides, Republican vs Democrat. Now with my generation coming through with political correctness followed by odd sensitivities, we have such a granular divide and labeling going on, it’s turning into a tribal society. As an odd individual, I guess my label is he who hath no labels. Maybe if folks took less time trying to figure out their differences (finding unique labels for themselves), and more time making connections with people who are truly different. Just because someone believes differently doesn’t make them wrong. We have way too many hate mongers on both sides they can’t and will not have equality. Gay and straight, left and right, men and women. I’ve seen so much hate from all sides of the spectrum. And from someone who’s not in the fight, just observing, it’s all their fault. No one side if worse or better than the other. Labels are stupid, and diving into tribal elements is not the answer. People need to just chill out and worry about your on stuff. Nothing good to say about something, then shut ya mouth! Life’s hard enough without people striving to oppress other groups of people. And that goes all the way to your service industry workers. Be nice to people!

As people walk by my window, I wonder if they can see in. Like am I breaking a law right now? I’m on the first floor, so to draw a picture, it’s my window, a 12” deep shrub and then walkway. It’s better when I don’t think about it, just stand here drinking my coffee, letting the sun hit my skin. Trying not to make eye contact with the people walking by. So I guess if you could see in, you could probably from my balls up. I should really check that one of these days. You know cause the sun creates that almost mirror like effect on the window when it hits it just right. Either that or it’s just illuminating my chubby 33-year-old naked body.

So I’ve got this other friend. One of those guys who Women oddly love. I don’t know what it is, he’s the goofiest dude, tall as hell, intelligent, but has terrible unintelligent flaws. Like saying umm and uhh a lot. I’m sure you’ve met someone like that in life. Super smart guy just does dumb things. Actually, a lot of my friends might describe me that way. Any who, he’s an older dude, been married 4 times I think. Same mistake every time. Get’s married quickly, ends terribly, and then he does it again. He’s a friend of mine, so you can understand that I’ve been there for him and tried to help him out where I can, but it’s a curiously bad situation and an interesting one to analyze. I’ll spare the personal details, but it involves custody hearings from a previous wife, incipient divorce hearings for current separated wife, and crazy lawyer fees along with he just got a house. It’s almost a perfect storm in life. You can literally see the metaphorical cyclone spinning around this guy. I honestly feel terrible for him. You know, I was a shit head in my youth. I treated girls terribly. I have looked back at some of my behavior when I was in my early 20’s and question my mental health. Pure manipulation just to have sex with my girlfriend. Completely unnecessary bull shit and lies just to get some pussy that I could have probably gotten by just asking. During that time, such terrible things happened to me. I remember a moment when I was bitching like a little girl to a peer, “why is this happening to me?!” I could remember the spinning of the emotional winds, my world was crumbling. I wonder, when did I finally figure out that I was creating my on worse nightmare? Would I have seen it if someone sat me down and told me? Things like that can almost be compared to drug addiction. I can’t think of anything else other than drugs that will make you think so out of character and loose all judgement that Drugs and Pussy. I wonder if Gay and lesbians act all crazy and lie and cheat? As an adult, I like to think I can now behave myself when it comes to the va-jay, but idk.. I mean I haven’t purchased cocaine in years, but I was at a bar about a year ago and someone offered some to me.. I said yes, fuck yeah I want a bump. What I’m getting at is there’s things in this world that are bad for me and I will not turn down.. Pussy and Cocaine. Hell, put the 2 together, that’s a good Friday night right there. But will I go to extreme lengths to get it and act all dumb? Absolutely not. However, I would and did when I was younger. I guess that’s the difference in someone who’s a straight up alcoholic and someone who can socially drink. So, grow the fuck up! I guess is my final thought with that one?

Now, take a moment to live vicariously through me. Go make a beverage of your choice, by that I mean anything, alcohol, heroine, coke, meth, whatever you do.. I personally have a half doobie, and THC e-cig and a protein drink. Also, it would help to have SouthPark playing in the background. Get completely naked and stand in front of the most public facing window you have. Enjoy your beverage and relax for a moment, and by a moment I mean, I’ve been here for like 3 hours now on and off. Really enjoy yourself. Watch all the busy people doing their busy people things. The day will continue no matter what. We have 2 choices while walking through this day. Be an ass whole who has entirely too many opinions. Or we can be logical, thoughtful, and understanding that not everyone was the same background as us. Everyone deserves common decency and love. If someone is being a jack ass, try not to act butt hurt and just live your life. That person, even though is a hateful piece of shit, is a person. And that person has to live in this same shitty world that we all live in. So remember that. Everyone has it equally as shitty. Except for Tom Cruise, pretty sure that guy has it pretty good, other than the being short thing, and the scientology thing. But that just makes him interesting I suppose. Fudge packer, haha. Any who, have a good one folks.

And remember!!

Don’t be an ass hole

Think out the box and use logic

No one cares that you are different. We’re all different, get over yourself!