I am a single mom, with two daughters . I stayed in manila and my daughters are living in zamboanga which is two hour if you by plane. They lived with my ex mother in law. thats where i leave them when i planned to work abroad to give them good future,yes good future thats what all i thought that time.I decided to work abroad because i saw my ex husband has no work and just asking support from his parents. I grew up and my mom is away from us because she decided to work abroad too.same thing on whats my purpose on working abroad.
when i was a kid i dont understand why my mom need to be far from us.. i encountered being so lonely without my mom,taking all the responsibilities on taking care of my brother,not having a meal sometimes because we dont know how and where will we get money for food.that time i can tell our father was so lost and having an affair to other girls which is the reason he is not always in the house to look for us. and this is the main reason i told to myself if i will have a kids i wont ever work abroad and leave the kids.
sadly to say all i said turned into opposites when i get married at the age of 20, to a man that both of our family dont agree on our relationship because we are not on the same religion.. He is a muslim and i am a catholic.after marriage i started to see the lives of marriage . some arguments, dealing with inlaws,and most is adjusting on their culture which is all new to me..
then i satrted to see the reason why my mother need to leave and work abroad till one day i decided to abroad too. It was so hard and heartbreaking for me leaving my kids that is 3 years old and the youngest are 9months.
i went to saudi arabia and work there i send them money and things and even work so hard .. time difference make me hard to talk to them everytime..i encountered homesick,and longings of hugs and kisses of my kids.and the opposite of it i can send money to my kids to buy what they want, i send money to his family.and not even send money to my own family but am so grateful my family understands me.. i was so focused to my kids .
i work abroad for 4years and went home without knowing my ex husband got married to another woman.when i arrived in philippines i saw in my two eyes a lady that is pregnant and theres the proof. i was so lost and so brokenhearted,i was so insecure in myself,i lose my confidence,so many questions thinking what did i do wrong,till one day my eldest dauhter ask me to give her father another chance and i said NO, i dont know how to explain to her, i saw my daughter teary eyed ,and i can feel the pain more than the pain i felt when i knew i got cheated.a pain that i cant explain..the pain that i will never wish even to an enemy, and seing your kids in pain is the hardest to any mother..I still stand on my word to say NO. i have my reason inside but i dont know how to explained to my kids specially to my eldest. i dont want them to see us fighting just because i cant forget that he cheated me.i dont want my kids to see me terrible, to see me crying,but still i dont know how to explained to them. I might be look selfish to my daughter,i might have this guilt of a mom on saying no to her children.. but that day i do hope that My lord God will help me cleanse the heart of my daughter and mind..make her understand and i always pray that this wont affect her life..and i lift it all up to GOd to guide me and my daughters..and I Pray that GOd put me out this guilt that i felt .
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