I Hate My Nose

Sinushacker Inagural Post

If you haven't once thought about chopping off your own nose then this post isn't for you and I suggest you move on.  

According to our friends at the Centres For Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 13% of the population have been diagnosed with Sinusitis.  Of course this only represents the small percentage of the population that bothers to go visit a doctor.  The rest choose to either for it to pass on its own or, as may unfortunate souls are forced, live with it day in and day out for their entire lives.  The reality is that Sinusitis is only one of the many nasal afflictions millions of people around the world are tormented with.  If you're one of the extreme cases, like it or not, you've been stigmatized.  Add in a mild (or extreme) case of Asthma, often associated with the Ige reactions of a sinus sufferer, and you've got yourself a sneezing, coughing, spitting, clogged up mess of a human being.  

The Clinical Diagnosis

There are actually numerous officially recognized medical conditions for the various sinus ailments currently tormenting hundreds of millions around the world today.  The medical Mafia will very quickly try to officially diagnose you with one of the following conditions and dispense the appropriate prescription-only medication that will provide you with temporary relief and keep you coming back for more.

1. Sinusitis (Acute, Chronic, Subaccute)
2. Rhinitis (Infectious, Nonallergic, Allergic, Medicamentosa, Atrophic, Sicca, Polypous)

To your typical drug dispensing family physician who has neither the time nor the inclination to explain the difference (or the cause) to us common plebeians, you are often told you either have Hay Fever or a Sinus Infection.  Take this piece of paper with my illegible writing on it and get as far away from me as possible; you stuffy drippy nosed freak.

The Conveyor Belt

It is at this point that most people realize they've been placed on a conveyor belt.  You have the sneaking suspicion that your friendly medical practitioner just passed you down the line to the next purveyor of flesh ready to take the next bite out of you.  In this case its the pharmacist that is conveniently located in the same building as your doctor and seems to know exactly which medication was prescribed to you without you even handing him that piece of scribble you obtained earlier.  Oh sometimes the middleman have a middleman of their own.  We refer to them as Specialists who throw crumbs down to other medical personnel such as X-Ray technicians; the utilitarian bricklayers to the elite specialized doctors who arm themselves with scalpels and get paid an exorbitant amount to fix your 'Deviated Septum'.  That particular procedure is the running joke among surgeons who know that the procedure fixes exactly nothing but costs insurance companies millions each year.  They get to break your nose in the process and leave your face a swollen purple disaster; whether or not its to their amusement is a matter of personal opinion.  The conveyor belt is a a bewildering journey designed to take you on a ride of hope and despair and use you as a guinea for the amusement of the medical profession.  Oh and of course to profit from your misery.  

Enter The Naturopath

Somewhere along your journey a friend of yours suggested you go see a Naturopathic Doctor.  Why haven't I heard of these doctors before you asked yourself? They can solve my issues; after all they are the complete opposite of my regular doctor who can't seem to fix anything.  You quickly discover that this natural vitamin/supplement doctor isn't free and is in fact rather expensive.  You then notice almost as quickly that she (maybe he but most of them are women) doesn't have any diagnostic equipment.  I'm sure she will send me somewhere for a blood test or an MRI or something after this initial 'consult' where she just spent 2 hours asking me questions about my medial history.  Nope.  No blood test, no MRI.  Hmmm... maybe next visit? Turns out the medical mafia refuses to grant Naturopathic doctors access to their fancy diagnostic equipment.  At this point you feel like your kid brother begged you to play monopoly until you relented then he handed you the thimble and claimed dibs on being the banker.  

Your Leaky Gut

Leaky Gut Syndrome is the favourite go-to diagnoses of equipment-less Naturopaths everywhere.  The elegant simplicity and common sense diagnosis is hard to argue with.  In simple terms you have holes in your small intestine and undigested food particles sneak into your bloodstream which your body recognizes as foreign invaders and triggers a response.  For us 'nose' types the response is histamine and mucus.  I said hard to argue with but not impossible.  Everywhere I look these days I see nothing but people that are absolute physical disasters eating total garbage.  If I have holes in my gut their gut must be one gigantic Cygnus X-1.  Yet they can breath through their nose just fine and only need a tissue to wipe the BBQ sauce from their mouth.  There are many holes in this diagnosis (pun intended) but I believe it is one of your problems and warrants detailed analysis (and a course of action) in a future post.  

You're Not Alone

I hate when people say that to try and comfort me.  The reality of your itchy dripping nose is that most of your friends have a nose that functions just fine and they never seem to scratch, blow, or wipe.  You are alone! At least among your own circle of friends and co-workers.  Follow me on this journey towards nasal clarity and an overall health transformation you didn't think was possible.  In future posts I outline steps you can take including some rather insane biohacks that you would never remotely consider trying.  That was then and this is now and you hate your nose and so do I.  

Stay tuned...