My life as a depressed, chronic insomniac.

I'm not really sure if this is the site to tell let people know about shitty situations, but I may as well give it a go.

Let's go back 6 years or so. I was 16 years old. I used to stay up 'late' on occasion (3am), mostly at the weekend. I'd stay in and smoke a bit. Life was simple, until the depression set in. I started some horrible medication that turned me into a zombie, no food, no pleasure, no feelings. I could still sleep though so life wasn't completely terrible.

Skip forward a year...
My girlfriend of 4~ years broke up with me, she couldn't handle it or what I became. I wasn't the same person anymore. That's when it actually began, I stopped sleeping.
I was constantly tired so I tried to perk up by drinking 2 - 4 cans of Monster a day, multiple cups of coffee and sometimes Lucozade energy tablets. None of that made me awake, I was always drained and felt like death. Looking back I was tired of life.

My attempted 'pre-sleep' regime involved switched everything off at the socket, a little bit of exercise even though it made me feel nauseous and a few breathing exercises to try and clear my head. I'd open my window and pull my blinds so a cool breeze could roll in. I would then get into bed and lie there for 8 hours staring at the ceiling, it felt like years, and after seeing the sun rise through the crack in my blind I would be up and ready for college.

Microsleep is an interesting thing. I wasn't aware that I ever did sleep for a while, but my friends noticed I would just stop periodically, sometimes in lesson, sometimes when walking down the street.

I tried multiple sleeping aids, alcohol, cannabis. Nothing seemed to keep me down for long enough to get meaningful sleep. I was sleeping albeit not very well or for very long.

I skipped a lot of college, 6 months worth or so, I couldn't face going back. Having someone tell me what I had to do everyday. I went in for the last week and passed my course, and the extra grades too. I finished all my tests in 15 minutes, I stood up and left for good. I never went back.

My life spiraled into a shit show. It's really hard to find work here and when I found a job I could only last a few weeks or months. After a few failed attempts at life I became a recluse. I never left my room, there was no reason to. My depression got worse, my insomnia was out of control. I'd go on 2 - 4 day binges playing video games, get into bed sleep for 2 hours and repeat. My mind was filled with useless video game trivia, it kept me busy but pushed everything further back in my mind, it never solved it.

2 years passed, I was 20.
I thought my calling was to work a night shift at a supermarket. How wrong was I? 10:30 - 08:30 shifts caused me to buy 4 beers after work and drink myself to sleep. I would get to bed around 3pm sleep for 6 hours and go to work again. After two weeks of this I decided to take caffeine pills throughout my shift, I would finish work and be awake all day, have a two hour nap and then head back to work. This continued for 2 months.
I had to quit because I became so infuriated with everything. I was on loads of medication and I could barely function.

2 years on, I'm 22. My life is shit I can't function properly, sleep is constant at around 2 - 4 hours a day. Any time during the day but I do sleep. Depression has subsided quite a lot, only days of feeling worthless.

Found myself someone to invest my time into again, it's good.

Balancing these two conditions is hard. Once I feel depressed I start getting back into a no sleep cycle again. If you need help with either of these things you should seek assistance immediately.