The Secret to Social SkillssteemCreated with Sketch.

in social-skills •  5 years ago 

During my undergrad days, I spent a semester working as a driver.

Due to my busy schedule with school & my fraternity, I needed a job that would have flexible hours.

I ended up working for a driving company called Zingo. This was before Uber & Lyft came into the scene.

Get paid for driving?? Seems to good to be true.

Within the next few months, I ended up driving around all types of people.

Some were:

Rich

Talkative

Snarky

Goofy

etc.

And after each ride, it had felt like I gained a new level of perspective.

Each conversation was unplanned & I never knew who was going to be getting into the car.

Well, as the rides began to pile up, something else began to happen.

'What?'

My conversation skills sharpened.

Want to know the secret to social skills?

Its having conversations with strangers.

Although you cannot see it, humans have a social muscle. This muscle dictates our ability to communicate with others.

When you talk to a stranger, you are working that muscle to a whole new level.

You are being forced to fight thru initial awkwardness, think on your feet, build rapport with someone you just met and much more.

Talking to strangers is a crash course on social skills.

'But what if I only talk to my friends?'

Talking to your friends is great & needed.

But in order to build versatility, you need to unbalance your social routine.

You have to willingly make yourself uncomfortable so you can become more socially dynamic in the process.

Talking to a friend is great because you get to maintain & deepen a pre-existing social bond.

But it is not nearly as challenging as talking to a stranger.

What should you expect?

You should expect a lot of awkwardness when you are first starting this off. You have been taught to avoid talking to strangers as a kid, so this belief is deeply ingrained within you.

In the initial stages, you are going to be doing a whole lotta' unlearning.

Therefore, you are going to feel a lot of nerves before you begin sparking a convo with a new person.

Normal.

You will always feel nerves when you use your conscious mind to overpower subconscious feelings.

But continue anyway.

When I first started driving, I spent a few weeks just sitting in silence dropping the passenger off. I would typically wait for them to talk to me first.

But that was a big mistake. I was conditioning myself to be a very passive person when I took this route.

Take accountability in being the first one to start the dialogue.

Next, you are going to meet a lot of cool people, a lot of weird people & a lot of disengaged people.

Being able to analyze which people fall into which group is an excellent way to build social acumen.

Each conversation will be different & will force you to adjust.

Sometimes you'll have to talk more, sometimes you'll have to listen more.

Whatever you do, don't be socially stiff! (unable to adjust to social situations).

As you build your social muscle, you are going to become highly well versed in your conversation skills.

You'll be able to adjust at the whim & will have a lot more perspective as a whole.

While many people are winging it, you have gone thru a mini boot camp to build your social intelligence.

'Cool! How do I begin?'

Make it an effort to talk to at least 1-2 strangers a day.

Lets say you choose 1.

That's 7 a week.

28 a month.

336 a year.

Small progress adds up like none other. As you build comfort, doing 1-2 will be light work.

Yesterday, I wrote a tweet where I said that social intelligence is more important than your IQ score.

I wasn't being sarcastic. And if you listen to anyone that you look up to, they will tell you the same thing.

Although the school system has programmed you to think that your test scores, and WHAT you know will get you ahead, its not the case.

It's mainly (not all) about the connections that you develop.

Learn how to level up your social dynamics & build your charisma along the way.

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