Changes and Grounding

It's been a fun run... Getting to learn about esoteric topics, consciousness and of course the ego. I feel exhausted, totally drain of all my energy, and with this deep fog in my mind. Yes, I know mind is just one part, what about your body? your soul? Well, my body seems to be handling things ok. Lots of yoga in the past months and contemporary dancing help. Food wise, I have been eating like shit! Seriously, not sure what's going on with my diet, but I have never loved movie theater popcorn, as much as I do right now.

My soul is still confused. After all this time, I can't seem to be able to find a purpose. I want to help others, but I know first I have to help myself. I wasn't sure there were a lot of traumas to learn from, but realized there is a lot of programming I can use to my advantage. If something my relationship with pot has been changing as well. While at some point it was the tool to quiet my mind, it has now become a tool to figure out what the hell is my ego thinking. Most of the time, the thoughts of people not liking me, or judging me for x or y reason appear. And without getting upset, I simply listen and then let them go.

At some point, I was going to just quit. But then decided to accept the challenge. I have notice how using the plant with intention definitely changes the dynamic (insert more programming, stubborn AF!).

Now my life seems so little and useless, I can help but to feel frustrated. I started so many books and just quit them, maybe not the right time to read them. I can't stand TV, it makes me feel angry that so many people will try to mimic what is popular, assuming it will bring happiness. And then comes the guilt for feeling angry, because I should just accept we are all in a different journey.

Conscious living sucks. I either feel fucking bipolar, or I sound like a lame guru (just kidding, sometimes I even surprised myself with the things that come out of my mouth), but then again I feel sort of guilty for taking over conversations and sharing my thoughts.

My challenge comes when I try to just listen... Now people think I'm either upset or something is wrong with me (have never been the quiet type).

In any case, I feel a lot of changes, I am trying to stay grounded, and show gratitude every day. Going by the Reiki motto and trying not to be angry either. So lately, I have been detaching of some topics to create space for others. Have I mentioned another one of my life patterns include getting completely obsessed with things?

So will try to write more, because I think it will help me dissect some of the things that happened in the past year, and what a fast amazing year it was!

Cheers to the past 4 months of neptune fucking with our lives, so we can learn and create space for 2k19.