I'm repulsive and I wouldn't have it any other way

Do you ever find that someone seems inexplicably repulsed by you? It may be someone you have met for the first time, or it may be someone who seemed to like you the last time you met or even a moment before. Obviously people all have their own stuff going on and moods play a factor but what I'm talking about is a magnetic repulsion.

There are lots of reasons people can be turned off by you, but I've experienced a pattern as of recent. Certain people will be attracted to me depending on my mood. I don't mean that they are all attracted to me when I'm in a good mood, some are quite the opposite. There are many people who seem to jive with me oh so very well when in stuck and struggling. Then as soon as I overcome my unwanted feelings and I put the victim mentality away, it's like I'm invisible to them.

There are three cases that stand out in my mind recently.

The first is a shop owner. The first time I visited his shop, we hit it off. It wasn't long before our conversation turned into complaints about society. I always "talk shit" about society but it comes from two different places depending on my state. It can be based on wanting to be the change and envisioning a better world. Or it can come from that depressed "I wish things would change so my life would be easier" state. The later is justifiable, but it never leads to anything positive.

The second time I met this guy I was in a much better place and from the moment I stepped in the door he completely ignored me. We were on the verge of being best friends last time. I felt really discouraged and it kind of set me off about the city, how cold people can be, and sure enough when I was feeling bad, he sent me a message to apologize. A few weeks later I became more positive about my work and he ignored me again. I realized I shouldn't take it personally. He can't handle me at my best.

There was another guy who I met at a discussion group. The conversation went the same way, we hit it off but quickly ended up complaining about work. I caught myself though and stopped myself from making negative statements and immediately change the conversation into productive ideas about what we can do to make our situation better. "Why dont 10+ musicians (3-4 bands) rent out a space that can be our own studio so we all have a place to hang out and not spend money", because the conversation was about going out and how expensive it could be. This idea seemed to intrigue him at first but when he brought up all the difficulties and I gave positive ideas to overcome them seemed less and less interested in what I was saying and from that moment on he had nothing else to say to me and avoided me the rest of the night.

The last example is a friend I've had for a few years. He likes to complain a lot. I find he never messages me when I'm flying high. He has no way of knowing I am flying high but somehow he does. As soon as something happens and I fall off the bike, he send me a message trolling me with complaints about stupid people he meets and other negativity. He's not all bad, there are times when he's been a lifesaver and he does spend a few months out of a funk from time to time. We've met on both sides before, but I always find his timing amazing. If he messages me when I'm feeling good, I can be sure he is feeling better than usual (and he often passes me good paying gigs that i enjoy doing during those unique cases, and also has much better quality conversations and awesome displays of friendship which remind me why I'm friends with him). But it's always the moment after I've fallen into a funk that he comes out of a 3 week silence to complain about something.

Have you have this experience? Sometimes I notice I'm talking to someone and certain ideas magically seem to bounce right off them, incapable of penetrating. It isn't always a conscious resistance to them. I notice that when I bring up certain topics, the waiter will interupt or they will receive a phone call. It's as if their life experience won't allow them to encounter an idea that they aren't ready for. The same goes for when I'm feeling like shit and i try to talk to someone who is positive. I notice the situation itself will protect them from my negativity. We run into someone we know which cuts off my negativity.

Your vibe attracts your tribe, and everything else at that. So be repulsive to people who are not ready for positivity. You don't need to be at odds with them. Many will show an interest in getting a small taste of your positivity to take home and let marinate. It's ok if they aren't ready for the full thing. Let them be where they are at. There is no need to change them. Just stand firm on your own vibe. Don't let others pull you down when you lose your footing a bit.

Stay awesome!