Love

Such an easy word to say
Such a gentle cares on cruel days
Love takes on any form
Family, friends, passion, fire, lust
Rejection, isolation... Depression
But not the kind that makes you line your wrists or necklace a noose
But depression like a hole inside, a void, sucking away all the happiness.

You see
Love isn't just the butterflies in your belly
Love isn't just bright colorful days
Love is insecurities, frustrations, and all the wonderful and ugly things

Love can do wonders
Love can make rainy days a perfect day to cuddle
Love can make songs a happy hum
Love can make sunsets romantic

But the irony of it all?
Love can make you grow sick of your favorite songs
Love can make rainy days gloomy
Love can make sunsets a lonely transition of what was a bright day into a hollow night sky

The stars dangle from above drooping
What was once constellations, traced by familiar hands that fathom every curve of your smile are now a painful memory burned on the back of your mind
1,2,3
Counting stars after another
Counting
Counting nights you've cried to sleep
Counting promises tucked away in your closet
Counting all the why's and how's
And none
None of it would seem to matter
NONE OF IT WOULD SEEM TO MATTER!

Even if you gave her your heart, your soul, your grace, your everything it wouldn't be enough!
Not enough
Not. Enough.
No amount of tears would bring back the love that chose to leave, treading on curious steps
Steps away from you
Away from what was once happy days.
You can never blame a wandering boat, wanting to go sailing

But i still wish
I still wish that one day
This sea of tears would draw in a sailor built to sail on stormy waters.
One day
Your ghost living inside my everyday will be an indifferent roomy
An awkward gum from a pulled out tooth
A centavo, untaken stairs
No matter how your existence wouldn't seem to leave every fiber of my being
One day
The idea of you would no longer matter.

And on that day
Someday
I'll look straight through your eyes
And be able to say that

I have finally found myself that I lost in you.

_{image source: pixabay}