Celtics and Cavaliers swap All-Stars (Jim Shorts Reports)

Warning: I normally post satirical sports stories. However, this is an attempt at a serious one (well mostly serious).

I know his nuts are here somewhere.

Approximately one hour ago, it was reported that The Cleveland Cavaliers and Boston Celtics agreed on a blockbuster trade. The Cavs are sending Kyrie Irving to the Boston Celtics in exchange for Isaiah Thomas, Jae Crowder, Ante Zizic, and New Jersey's #1 pick in 2018.

Kyrie Irving, a four time All-Star, was the number one overall pick in the 2011 draft and won the Rookie of the year that season.

Coincidentally, Isaiah Thomas was the last overall pick of the 2011 draft. However, he has not played like the last pick of the second round. He has made two All-Star teams and averaged nearly 29 points per game last season.

Jae Crowder is seen as a a solid, yet not spectacular, staring caliber small forward.

Ante Zizic is a prescription cream that is used to treat sever back acne. (Ok I had to work in one joke)

Because the New Jersey Nets are a steaming pile of hot garbage, their #1 pick is very likely to be one of the top three in next year's draft.

Even though it has only been a little over sixty minutes since the trade was announced, it is never too early to state ridiculous opinions about the trade.

This is a very unique trade. It is extremely rare for the two teams favored to meet in the Conference Finals to make such a huge deal between them.

In the short run, Cleveland made the Boston Celtics much better. Not only was Kyrie Irving the second best player on the Cavaliers (behind only LeBron), for many playoff games, he was the absolute best offensive player on their team. He is an excellent shooter who averaged just over 40% from the 3 point line. He may also be the best finisher at the rim in the entire league. I heard he once played defense, but I could find no evidence of that.

Sadly Kyrie's man was at the other end of the court.

To get him, the Celtics really only gave up Isaiah Thomas and that #1 pick. Due to cap restrictions and the acquisition of Gordon Hayward, Crowder had to be traded.

Isaiah Thomas is an electric scorer. Although he is known for his outside shooting, Kyrie Irving actually has a significantly higher career 3 point shooting percentage than Thomas (38.3% to 36.7%). Listed at a minuscule 5'9", Thomas has never, ever been accused of playing defense... and he never will.

In addition, after next year Thomas is an unrestricted free agent who will command upwards of $20 million per year. Would a legitimate contender really spend $20 million per season on a guy who is 5'9" and can't possibly guard anyone. Nope. Thomas was going to walk. So the Celtics got something good for him while they could. That is a pretty slick move.

In the short term, the Celtics won this trade in a landslide.

However, I do not believe this trade was intended to meet the Cavalier's short term needs.

I think this trade is a sign that next season will be LeBron's last in Cleveland. They made this trade to build for life after LeBron. Getting a top three pick in the draft held the same summer when LeBron will cut the hearts out of the Cavs for the second time, will help them to do that.

The Cavs made a trade for the future without really hurting themselves too badly for next season.

No matter what, the NBA will make sure LeBron is in the finals. Therefore, the step down at point guard really doesn't matter that much.

LeBron tosses the ashes of the NBA's integrity in the air.

This trade is also a sign that the Cavs know that they have no legitimate chance to beat a healthy Warriors team. The best they could hope for is a Finals loss. After this trade, they are set up for a Finals loss. Except now, they get a Finals loss and a top three draft pick. That is a long term win for the Cavs.

Why am I so sure that the Cavs have even less of a chance to beat the Warriors now?

Who is Isaiah Thomas going to guard in the finals?

Of course the answer is no-one.

So let's change the question. Whose belly button will Isaiah Thomas stare at while they score 35 points a game on him?

Steph Curry who will raise up and shoot threes over him all game?

Klay Thompson who will rise up and shoot threes over him all game and then abuse him in the post?

How cute. They are letting someone's little brother play.

Yeah the answer is no-one.

In addition, after losing in the finals and burning LeBron's jerseys again, the Cavs will be able to simply let Isaiah Thomas walk away as an unrestricted free agent.

Can this also be a long term win for the Celtics?

In two years, LeBron will be in the Western Conference. As much as they will try to avoid it, someone will have to represent the Eastern Conference in the NBA Finals. Who better than a Celtics team with a core of Irving, Hayward, Jaylan Brown/Jayson Tatum?

The Celtics did give up a very valuable draft pick in order to make this trade work. But would they really be better off with no Isaiah Thomas and another rookie in two years?

I don't think so.

And the Cavs are screwed when LeBron turns his back on his home town fans for the second time. At least they got the most sought after draft pick currently available.

Oh and this was all a waste of time. I don't think the Warriors will be losing a Championship any time soon.