The Problems With People Pleasing
Your Assumptions Aren’t Always True
It assumes that you think you have the power to control how other people feel. If you’re constantly doing things to make others happy and you don’t think they appreciate your efforts, you’ll soon experience resentment. Thoughts such as, ‘I do so much for you but you do so little for me’ will creep in and hurt your relationships.
Damages Relationships
This part shares the idea of being different around different people. Take dating for example, and one girl says she likes a mature man and thus you behave mature when you are around her. Another girl expresses that she likes a jokey perhaps even immature guy and you act that way around her. Trying to appear attractive and please the other person. In the long haul, your personality will come through and damage the relationship in the future. More so, always agreeing with a date and being a ‘yes-man’ can lead to you becoming transparent and like a puppet. Thinking, ‘you won’t keep me around unless I do what you want’ is a painful dialogue to have.
When faced with a difficult decision, people pleasers will often risk not pleasing the person closest to them. They know that people close to them will love them and eventually forgive them. Unfortunately, this will leave the people you love the most feeling hurt or angry. If people recognise that you are a people pleaser, they can take advantage of you instead of forming a deeper relationship based on mutual respect and trust.
People Pleasers Lose Sight Of Their Values
Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets Of They Dying, explains how dying people expressed that they wanted to live a more authentic life, being true to themselves. People pleasing prevents you from reaching your full potential. Although people pleasers want to be liked, they often don’t want to be the best at anything because they fear being held in too high regard could make someone else feel bad.
You wont act according to your values if you try to please other people and lose sight of what you want as to make others happy. This is a popular choice to many, however not necessarily the right choice. As just mentioned this was one of the top regrets of those who are dying!
Do you want to please yourself, or do you want to please others? The choice is yours.
Saying yes or no
Remember when you say yes to something, you could be saying no to many other things. When making some decisions, allow yourself some time to really think about whether or not you want to do something, giving yourself some breathing space.
Practicing assertiveness
Being confident with you choice and decision. Speak up if someone takes advantage of you and ask for what you need. You don’t have to be demanding or rude, but remain respectful and polite.
Being more autonomous and assertive about what you want, making decisions based around your values and beliefs, lead to a much healthier life.
Thank you very much for reading today's Thought For The Day. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, I'm eager to hear!
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I think you should always remain yourself, for which they respect and love
“Be always the original version of yourself, and not a copy of someone else.” - Judy Garland
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Yes.We cannot control other people minds. Expectations always hurts.
"Resteemed this post".
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Hi @luppers you are to good in posting such a motivation work god bless you you are the best .I learn from you .thank you .resteemed it
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Damages Relationships is definitely can be Damaged mental power and thinking power also .It is very difficult to overcome from here .resteem
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Still making these powerful posts
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Mental fitness also depends on environment effect like family disconnection , Relation break up , bad habit etc .thank you for your post .i have glad to resteem it.
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@luppers, When people try to become People Pleasers then there is a great risk as you said and that is, others can take advantage of them and this will lead to disappointment for sure. And most important point in this post is, most of the times people live in Illusion that their close one's will forget them no matter what but that's not the case because we should think there situation as ours for a moment then we will going to understand how it will going to feel. So, we should become responsible and we should learn how to say Yes and No when it's important. Stay blessed.
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Being true to ourselves I guess is the key because it leads to freedom.
But not all are going this path because truth hurts and as normal human beings we love all sort of painless stuffs.
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Hi @luppers!
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@luppers I think people pleasers are the set of people that suffer from inferiority complex, imagine trying to please someone that doesn't even care if you live or die. And they are blind to notice that, when one tries to call their attention to their shortcomings, they get annoyed.
Personally, i think when one knows his/her worth, they would focus more on developing themselves rather than exhaust all their energies on pleasing people.
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