So, I came up with the #steemcares tag idea just as I was finishing up this post. I threw it in at the end because while I really look forward to your feedback, I think maybe this format could be useful to many others. So, here's me.

Real talk: I'm a Pothead. (Part 1)

Shit, that felt good to admit.

Frankly, I am a bit ashamed to admit this and also ashamed to admit i'm ashamed to admit it!

I keep telling myself not to post about this because people will judge me and people will always be able too see this forever (blockchain).

Oh well, if that is the case, then so be it. I am who I am.

That's me trying to do a shrug 🤷‍♀️

So, what's up with me and the weed?

Well, it's complicated. I had my first puff the summer after 8th grade and ... it was with my mom.

Yep, you heard correct. I smoked at around 15 years old with my mom. I'm ashamed of that I suppose as well but in a different kind of way. I'm more ashamed of that because of how I believe other people would judge my mom or myself over this.

Doubts creep in.

Already, I'm thinking about not posting this. I need to but of course lots of people will say I shouldn't have. That's basically how I know I need to post this post right now.

I've been feeling pressured to post shit for the sake of making money or for the sake of trying to make what I think people want.

Now, I get the feeling that I'm learning about myself and that might be the main reason behind this post -- moreso than really sharing who I am with you all.

To me, that seems pretty shitty.

I feel like a piece of shit -- maybe -- either way. Now, by bearing myself, I feel guilty in advance for pity I might receive.

I might be an addict (or not) and I might have self-esteem issues.

The problem with accepting the former is I've tried persistent sobriety and I have so far found it to be quite grating on the consciousness part of my brain.

For me, smoking a bud (as the THC molecules buzz around my head) is part selfish, part endulgence, part challenge, part sin, part spiritual experience.

I don't want to make it sound all negative 👎🏻 but it was perhaps the strife I was feeling that led me to at least begin typing this out.

I like being high.

That part, I'm pretty sure of. Here's the only paradox with that: For short stints (and in unpredictable amounts), I enjoy sobriety. It's impossible to predict but it can be a lot.

Sometimes, I'll smell something fresh like freshly-cut grass (the lawn kind, to be clear) and I'll know there is probably no way I'd smell it or smell it like that had I just smoked...

So, in that moment, I feel happy and proud to have not recently smoked so I could get that reward.

I'm thinking about all of this and I realized that I don't know how much more I could say -- but I think it's a lot. I'm going to make this a multi-parter and try to start a new tag on steemit -- steemcares -- as a shorthand for finding posts from people in need of group counseling or care in any case.

So, please:

• Provide any thoughts or perspectives you can think of or any stories you want to relate.

• Create your own #stremcares post and tag me in it and I'll come over, promise to actually read it, and leave you my honest genuine thoughts on your situation.

I think if we can get the #steemcares tag to become popular, it can help the people on steem who have problems but no insurance or money to get to a professional counseling session. It could also double as a crowdfunding tag used to raise funds for charity. Proof of the charitable outcome can be sent to donors in the way of a link embedded in a note on the steemit chain. That's only one possible way to do it.

• I'll be updating this post as I get feedback and as / if / when #steemcares takes shape.

Thank you all for your care and concern & God bless!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️