Few days ago, a friend of mine visited me to ask if I was alright because she hadn't seen me in a long while. As we were catching up, she noticed some of the printed posters I was working on but one caught her attention. The poster read: "...because rape is never the victim's fault". That was the beginning of our argument, lol.
In her opinion, a lot of ladies ask for rape when they dress in indecent clothes and hang out with men a lot. I know that many of us are of same opinion but it is important we understand that rape is an expression of power and dominance over the victim. This simply means that the victim never asked for it, what she did or didn't do notwithstanding.
Before you come for me, I'll like to explicitly state that I'm not an advocate for indecent dressing or lack of conduct by women but it is high time we blamed rapists and not victims for rape!
In most parts of Africa, once a lady is raped, the questions on the lips of many would be; what was she wearing? Was she wearing makeup? What time did she leave the house? Truly, these are predisposing factors to rape but in our bid to condemn the victim, we often forget to reprimand the criminal. This is so sad because rape is never the victim's fault but solely the fault of the rapist.
A similar scenario is blaming a kidnap victim because his lavish lifestyle attracted kidnappers. Have you ever heard people blame someone who bought a new car because the car attracted robbers? If a thief that was caught stealing a man's gold chain gave an excuse that the man is to blame because he wears gold chains that he (the thief) can't resist, wouldn't that sound ridiculous to you? We all must live life as we deem fit. We owe ourselves self control and must take responsibility for all our actions.
Most of the time, Rape victims go through a lot of emotional trauma and depression. Some of them even acquire suicidal tendencies. The much they need from you is your emotional support and understanding and not your criticism. Please desist from victim-blaming.
That said, mothers and guardians should teach their daughters to dress well, teach them proper decorum, teach them to sit properly in public places, teach them to avoid late night trips but by all means, teach your sons that a skimpy skirt doesn't mean 'yes', a low cleavage doesn't mean 'yes', a friendly lady doesn't mean 'yes', heavy makeup doesn't mean 'yes', very tight clothes doesn't mean 'yes', only YES means YES.
#SayNoToVictimBlaming
#StandUpToRape
#StandUpWithIfy
#AskListenRespect