What is one of the most common phrases on Facebook or any social medium these days? Without doing a complete analysis, and from my own observation, one of the most common seems to be “I didn’t say that!” or “Show me where I said that.”
Spend a few minutes on any given post, but particularly political posts, and with a quick glance through the comments I am sure it will not take you long to see that comment in some form.
As I thought about this, it occurred to me that that comment is not restricted to social media. For those who care to listen, comments like that can be heard everywhere from the local coffee shop to the confines of the Board room. We hear it every day on news coverage and in virtually every aspect of our day to day lives.
"That is not what I said!"
It saddens me when I think about this relatively modern phenomenon. Why are so many frustrated by having their words repeated inaccurately? More importantly, what does this mean to the art of discussion, to politics, to business? Why have we reached this impasse in the art of discourse?
I am far from a psychiatrist, but as a society I believe we need to try to understand this if we are to mend the divisions in society and find a way to move forward.
I suspect that people today are so connected with their own beliefs, their own positions, their own agendas…that there is no room left in their logical minds to hear what is being said. I believe society today has a listening problem, not an idea problem.
Today’s education system teaches us to try to understand what the writer, or speaker, is really trying to say. It does not teach us to understand that our own personal bias will be reflected in our interpretation. We are no longer taught to apply logic or fact or context to the words of others, but are taught to define their words in terms that we understand within our own experience.
As a result, we talk past each other. Statements like “I find foul language unacceptable” is repeated as “I never use foul language!”. Are those two statements interchangeable? Absolutely not! They have totally different meanings. And yet, I see this sort of mis-statement on a daily basis. And from the mis-statement comes the accusations – “a quick look at your facebook posts show that you do use foul language, so you are the worst kind of hypocrite!” Discourse is over at that point.
What happens next is the destruction of discourse with one party adamantly claiming they did not say that, and the other party saying “Maybe not, but it is what you meant!”.
When did we start not caring about what was said, and caring only about what we believe the other person meant? Why is this ok? Why are we so reluctant to accept the words as they are written or said?
I have been in corporate Board meetings where I have witnessed firsthand the Chairman rephrasing what was said in a totally different way, and then arguing why that was not a good idea. The fact is that he was arguing that his opinion of what was said was not a good idea, not what actually was said.
The art of discourse has taken a major hit. Discussion is no longer based on what people say, but is based on what we want them to have said. Discussion is no longer discussion, but devolves into personal attacks if opinions differ. Rather than discuss and attempting to understand, we, as a society, want to tell everyone why they are wrong without even asking why they may be right.
Why is it that everything must be right or wrong? Why is it that a question and answer cannot turn into a discussion without it becoming personal. Why can people not have different opinions without declaring the other stupid, or hypocritical or uneducated or just plain wrong?
I mourn the loss of the art of discourse. I mourn the loss of intelligent discussion. I mourn the loss of civility. I mourn the loss of solidarity.
I wonder how many reading this post are saying to themselves…”I don’t know who this guy is but he is wrong?” or “He just doesn’t get it!”
And the saddest part? I am equally guilty, just like everyone else.
Maybe the Steemit platform, with self regulatory practices based on healthy self-interest creates a forum where truth and honesty in belief and opinion(regardless of how palatable it may be) is rewarded by the community, rather than being cast aside because it does not agree with your own opinion.
Maybe.....just maybe.....