an open letter to someone who broke me

you ask me why im not leaving
even though i have all the reasons to leave
its all because i still love you
i really do
dont say anything
im not asking for any return
im just telling you how i feel
im trying all my best to forget what i feel
to move on and be happy in my life
to accept my fate and forget everything
im trying.. im trying so so hard.
im still hurting.
God knows how much
im hurting seeing you with someone else
im hurting you are loving someone else
im hurting that you are now insensitive on what i feel
im hurting. im still hurting.
its something you CANT UNDERSTAND
that im hurting.
im not mad. im not selfish.
im sorry im just hurting.

i can bear all the pain
the talking behind my back
those looks from the people who judge me
i dont really mind
i always said to my self
i never regret loving you
if this is the consequence
i will take it
you are the only person
in this world who can make me weak
you are the only person
who can bully my emotion
you are the only person in this world
who can hurt me like hell...
just by hearing your voice saying goodmorning
God knows how much i want to say
goodmorning too mahal......
not in your office
but in our bed...
every morning in our life

i was so fuckin serious
my fault and im sorry
i didnt showed it to you
i was afraid to show it
as im still fixing things with him
im afraid to show it
im afraid to give you false hopes
thats why i never showed it to you
i never tell you my actions

but it doesnt matter at all
it doesnt matter now
it doesnt matter what ever i will say
it doesnt matter how i feel
it doesnt matter at all
i dont matter to you at all

you already made me feel less
you made me feel a dirty woman
telling me i gave you sickness
judging me for asking you to fix your problem with her first
you already degraded me in your own best way

im asking you again
to please respect my silence
please bear with my distance to you
as im still struggling accepting that you are gone
its easy for you to forget
but im not like you
you choose lust, sex, fame and money
i choose love, my kids and settle down
things that i never told you that i want to have with you.

i choose you all over again
but you turn your back to me
all over again
you said its too late zie
its not
its not too late
you just dont know how to wait
you dont know how to be contented

remember you told me
you only came to me
coz you were unhappy with her
UNHAPPY
big word...
i wish you knew how much
it hurts me hearing it from you
its just like
you only using me
to cover up the unhappy feeling..

one day i promise
i will forget everything
one day i promise
i wont cry to you anymore
one day i promise
i wont care to you anymore
one day i promise
my heart will stop loving you
one day i promise
you wont matter to me anymore.
one day i promise
i will forget how you hurted me
one day i promise
i will forget how i love you
one day i promise......

i will forget you.
God please help me.