March 22, 2020.
The Ministry of Truth has sent us information regarding the next hard-fork of the Steem blockchain, detailing upgrades to its network and infrastructure, and history into its creation. Details from the press release are found below:
What Is Steem?
It is said to have all began with Lord Ned, birthed from the Changbai volcano during a terrifying eruption. His birth lasting weeks as his fine hair was crafted to perfection. With fine hair carved from the rock of the mountain, Lord Ned used his earthly powers to accumulate energy within his hair to create Steem. However, such an amazing creation proved to be too much even for a God, and Ned fell into darkness. Handing Steem down to Emperor Justin, who shall now take the reigns of Steem for the glory of the Communist Party of China! Long Live The Communist Party of China!
What's In Hard Fork 44:44?
Emperor Justin has announced plans for the old Steem Token to be replaced with a new Social Credit System Token. Users of Steem will no longer earn Steem for posting to the centralised blockchain, but will earn Social Credit Tokens directly from the @steemit account itself.
Posts to Steem will now be read entirely by our glorious Emperor himself, ensuring that they fit into the correct guidelines of what's expected within the Communist Party of China, posts that do not fit the agenda of the Communist Party of China receive negative Social Credit Tokens and will be unable to perform certain tasks. With enough negative Social Credit Tokens, such users will be thrown into the Changbai volcano in attempt to please Lord Ned, who is said to melt down non-conformers of the Communist Party of China and use them for hair gel.
Each post featuring the words "LONG LIVE THE CCP!" at the end will receive an automatic +5 Social Credit Tokens.
Witnesses are now to be referred to as Ghosts, for they do not really exist now.
The Interview
We spoke to Emperor Justin, who had this to say about these upcoming changes to the Steem network:
"I think Steemy is going to be great. We are making good progress. If anyone likes me, or if you want to fuck me, you can contact me over at @justinsunsteemit. I love to be chained up and fucked hard in my CCP uniform."
After a few hours, we managed to get Emperor Justin back on track regarding the hard fork:
"[The network] is going to be much better than Hive! We will have the new Social Credit Token and non-conformers will be punished to the full extent of CCP Law. Steemy will be great. I will make it great. I love sock-puppets, I love to put a sock on my ding-dong and pretend it's a puppet."
Emperor Justin did not respond to questions regarding what exactly he meant by ding-dong.
LONG LIVE THE CCP!