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rok-sivante (75) in steemit • 5 years ago (edited)

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5 years ago by rok-sivante (75)

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matt-a (65) · 5 years ago

I feel this post a little bit too fucking much. Just know you aren't the only one who has been there. Don't let the what-ifs eat you alive. I literally gave thousands and thousands of Bitcoin away when it had no value. What if I didn't? Well, I'd be rich as fuck. But I did, and I don't regret it. I'm sure it was spread around exponentially among my nerd crew who also treated it as the toy that it was. Without that type of action, who knows if crypto would be where it is today. We're all early adopters, just keep doing you and keep growing, brotha.

enforcer48 (68) · 5 years ago

Can relate somewhat.

Paid off college debt with BTC back in 2013, but didn't do more with it then. Would have had plenty more if I kept a bigger stash or just kept buying, but nope.

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

Oh man, I feel your pain. 😬

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

🙏

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furion (70) · 5 years ago (edited)

And having gone from zero to $1.6 million USD with nothing but some writing and good investment choices, that’d be fair.

We were simply what Nassim Taleb calls 'lucky fools'. At the right place, at the right time, purely due to chance.

There is nothing left to do, than to learn from mistakes, and try again.

mattclarke (68) · 5 years ago

Don't beat yourself up. If there was a magic genie who tapped you on the shoulder and told you when to walk away, you'd be killing it on the poker table. You don't lose sleep over missing chances to buy low, so why lose it over missing chances to sell high?

metametheus (66) · 5 years ago

I love this tale.

Yep sure you fucked up (or thought you did).

BUT you still did ok, and you got all the music gear you wanted.

I love the idea of you writing a book. Sooo..... when do we expect it to be published?!? 😉

Posted using Partiko iOS

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

Yep sure you fucked up

Ya know, I appreciate that bluntness.

For all the predictable comments like, “suck it up, can’t have regrets, look on the bright side, etc” - there’s something honestly comforting about yours - no counter-argument, rationalization, trying to force a different viewpoint... just a straight-up, no-BS relatable acknowledgement.

Feels weird that 5 simple words can provide such a sense of genuine connection, amongst all the other comments trying to add something new or different to the perspective offered.

For real, I appreciate it.

...

Re: the book...

Good question.

And I can’t say. Haha!

I’m almost done going through the first draft / notes I started 12 years ago as a primer to map out more of the structure, and then I really have no clue as to how long the actual writing and edits will take.

I’d like to think sooner than later, though have learned (the difficult way) that the creative process can’t be rushed. (And “good things take time.”)

Though, reading more of this type of feedback of yours is certainly a bit more fuel on the motivational fire to build momentum with it... 😇🙏

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metametheus (66) · 5 years ago

Go for it!!!

Man, if I spent any time bemoaning the fact that I could've bought Bitcoin when it was $400 (which is when I first heard about it), I'd be wasting my life. There's no point, honestly.

Coulda-woulda-shoulda.....

😉🙏🏽☯️

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soyrosa (74) · 5 years ago

I freaking love this post. I don't love your pain, but I do love your honesty and sharing. I love posts that only one person could've written and this is certainly one of them. Your story, your experience, your lessons learned.

I hope to see you write more on Steem. I hold you in high regard not for your wallet size but for your writing and the epic GIFs you share in all your posts :D Cheers.

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

🙏💗💎

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flemingfarm (68) · 5 years ago

Yep, I feel you completely. I watched and did nothing as I went from a few K to hundreds and then now a few K again. OH, I could have taken some of it out and paid of the house, sold all of it and bought back in cheaper and a hundreds times more, paid off my vehicle. But no. My inability to act eats at me as well.

It's interesting when we can be so incredibly decisive in some parts of our lives but be such wishy washy bitches in others. (speaking from experience) All we can do is move forward with today and make peace with the past. The future is now and it's our choices what we do with it.

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

It's interesting when we can be so incredibly decisive in some parts of our lives but be such wishy washy bitches in others.

🤣

True, true.

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steemstreems (58) · 5 years ago

You don't know me , but I'm glad you wrote this and I hope you get back to posting. Always enjoyed your posts.

I hope the writing of it was cathartic for you. I have had many similar events in my life with money and investing, though not quite to scale (close though).

Maybe it’s about cultivating the maturity and wisdom to manage what little we have responsibily. To keep our feet on the ground, aware of the risks we might not comprehend when high on hopium, and plan better in advance.

Lord knows, having gone through all this, I’ll be at least a little bit smarter than when the next round of wealth flows in. And I wouldn’t expect it to be as huge as the first, which maybe is a good thing.

That.

Without my previous mistakes, I would have been retired and set for life probably a decade ago (Hell, I worked 100+ hours a week for years and made great money...yet I still can't retire). Without the mistakes I have made and continue to make, I don't think I would be ready for it anyway.

The more mistakes I make, the less their frequency becomes. The better I get.

Anyway. Keep on keeping on. You will do better on the next go around!

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

You don't know me , but I'm glad you wrote this and I hope you get back to posting. Always enjoyed your posts.

I appreciate you taking the time to share that now.

I honestly had no expectations when posting this, of rewards or feedback - though stuff like this is an encouragement for me to reconsider why it might be worthwhile to pick up and share a bit more every now and then. It's good to know there is at least one other person who's been reading and appreciating some of my stuff - and that alone is worth weighing in.

The more mistakes I make, the less their frequency becomes. The better I get.

I guess that's the aim - and perhaps, marker of success.

Just hopefully you've been working in a field you've been enjoying! I suppose even if we had all the money at our fingertips, it'd be boring to sit around and do nothing all day - most of us would still want/need something worthwhile to invest our time & energy into. So even despite our mistakes that could've had us in early retirement, at least hopefully you've been finding satisfaction & success in what you've been doing instead... 🙏

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furious-one (69) · 5 years ago

Too much self-loathing man, you don't deserve it at all. But you deserve what's coming next - a chance to manage your money better.
To soothe your mind - most have it worse. In comparison to you being broke before and now having 80K (quick maffs 100K crypto - 20K fiat debt), I am still in massive home mortgage debt, as I also took only a few small moneys from my cryptos during the boom. Most guys are back to zero, you came out ahead :)
Let the healing commence!

k0wsk1 (63) · 5 years ago

I’m still here reading m8 :) I didn’t know you DJ’ed! Really wild ride you had there, absolutely inconceivable to a “little fish” like me. In the end, you’re doing well, you’re grounded - you saw the light, and the dark, and came out the other side. Thanks for writing your story out for us to process! Cheers~

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

Haha, I guess I’m full of surprises.

Yeah, 12 years professionally. ☺️

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shadowmask (55) · 5 years ago

I can not relate, I am still growing my account on steem block chain, and have a long term view, still it would hurt to see all the post and votes I have received go down to a zero value.

You mentioned Music, equipment, and writing books/stories. And J.O.B., perhaps you are back and beginning to feel the need to create once again. Sometime perceived success can lead to a "I made it, I don't need to continue to do it anymore" creative road block.

I don't know if you have ever heard of Tony Carey and his Planet P project or not, I love the Pink World album they did. A story album, music with a story, or a story set to music, a very creative Album, there are not many of that type of album out there, some musicals yes, but story/albums no.

Time to put the FUD, FOMO, and fear back where it belongs and just start to have some fun again. Money comes and goes in life, some get it a lot, some waste it a lot, and some never really have it, we all have our life and dreams though. Dream a new dream if the old one is stale. !BEER

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

Sometime perceived success can lead to a "I made it, I don't need to continue to do it anymore" creative road block.

In hindsight, I don't feel that was so in my case...

Actually, I was at the peak of my creativity (with writing) when Steem was at its peak and the rewards were flowing in heavy. Part of that was surely the financial motivation, given the opportunity to earn big was there at the time, but then there was also the sense of my creations being valued - and the feedback, as measurable tangibly, was its own incentive to keep me going, knowing that the market was placing fair worth on my creations.

Meanwhile, once rewards dried up, so did the creativity - knowing that no matter how much energy I put in, it wasn't going to produce the same results. And, I've never been one that's done too well under stress and pressure - whereas my creativity flows better when relaxed, comfortable, and there's a sense of security.

Of course, everybody is different.

...

Never have heard of Tony Carey. Just did a quick listen, but omg, I'm so allergic to that kind of 80's stuff! 🤣

Time to put the FUD, FOMO, and fear back where it belongs and just start to have some fun again

Amen. Well said. 🍻

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shadowmask (55) · 5 years ago

I'm old, I like some 80's, and a lot of other music, I think most people create better when in a relaxed mood, although I have known some creative types that unless there was a fire lit under their ass they were not going to get anything done.

I hope that now there seems to be more consumers, (like myself), on steemit and those that are looking to find interesting things that could give them a financial reward that more content producers will come back. I have been a fan of story reading on steemit, and that was the first big draw for me when my wife told me about it, then there were the photographers, and they are almost all willing to share a helpful pointer. So welcome back to the creative side.

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

I was born in '83, though never liked too much of the music that came out of the same decade. Maybe a bit of rock, like the Guns 'N' Roses & Bon Jovi type stuff, and probably a bit of early hip hop. Though most of the characteristic 80's sound, to my ears... ugh! lol.

So welcome back to the creative side.

Thanks. And t'is a pleasure to make your acquaintance :-)

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brianphobos (70) · 5 years ago

A great piece of writing that is all too real. I continually take it in the teeth with crypto and at times have felt very jaded by the experience all together. I got in back in 2013 and had a very solid stack heading into 2015 and then got a frivolous lawsuit filed against me for $1 Million. I had 24 GPU's cranking away unprofitably as well trying to mine. It really knocked me off my feat and was taking all time time up. When 2016 rolled around I never had the level of success you were able to have. I showed up in July 2016 and most of anything I gained here eroded away when the power down cycle was so long.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on a never ending roller coaster where I just keep stacking more and more coins and I'm continually paranoid about protecting them properly. I firmly believe that the next boom is coming and it will blow our minds once again. I'm focused on employing a very structured sell off plan this time around. 5x, 10x, 20x......
It is a rough process though and the valleys are extremely painful.

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

well, we certain grow in character and earn our experience points in this game, going through such trials... 😎🍻

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bozz (70) · 5 years ago

No way, I was going through my feed today and I was like holy crap, there is a post from Rok! I've read you touching on this story several times over the past couple of years, but I don't think you ever went into as much detail as this. I think it is definitely a great cautionary tale to those that would maybe see some significant accumulation of wealth either on here or in any aspect. We hear about this type of thing happening to celebrities all the time, so you shouldn't feel like you are the only one to have ever made a mistake. I am lucky that things were already on their way up when I got in so there was really no where to go but down. I didn't invest too much and I still wake up every day and go to my day job. Thank goodness for that given my recent issues! Good luck! I hope to see some more stuff from you on here again.

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

haha, it has been a while... :-)

and perhaps, there may be more to come - slowly, but surely... 🙏

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bozz (70) · 5 years ago

I hope so!

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ericvancewalton (76) · 5 years ago

Great article @rok-sivante! This is a timely topic these days. I, like you, made a lot of Steem in the early days of Steemit and I've had an experience somewhat similar to yours. The very first thing I did was pay off all my debt, which was pretty substantial due to the 2008 Housing Crisis here in America. One of my early crypto mentors taught me to cost-average, sell little bits all the way up during a bull market and never try to time the market. That advice proved invaluable.

Thankfully I got that far before disaster struck. That disaster was the Bitgrail exchange hack. When the price of Nano (formerly Raiblocks) spiked in late 2017/early 2018 I was selling it on that exchange. I wanted to sell it before the price dropped but they were limiting how much of my Bitcoin I could withdraw in a 24hr period. Long story short, Bitgrail locked down the wallets before I could withdraw it all.

Shortly after that the news of the hack hit the news cycle and the exchange was closed indefinitely. When the dust settled I lost 73 bitcoin, the equivalent of nearly a million USD at the time. I come from a lower middle class background so this is more money than anyone in my family had ever dreamed of. I should have known better than to keep that much on an exchange but greed got me, Bitgrail was the only exchange that had any real volume for that particular coin and I didn't want to miss out on the tremendous spike in price. The euphoria of that incredible price spike was dizzying and disorienting to say the least. I'll never forget I was in a cab in New York City when I first saw the coin reach ATH's. Before I knew it Bitgrail was limiting withdrawal amounts and then locked the wallets...I fell for the bait.

I joined the class action lawsuit but it's being handled by an Italian court (Bitgrail was an Italian company). They've been dragging the case out for over a year now and keep delaying a decision. I have no faith at this point that we'll receive any kind of a refund.

To be clear...Nano is an amazing coin with a promising future, the Nano dev team isn't at fault. Most people think it was the exchange that conducted the hack (or at least covered it up). If I think about it too long it can take me to a dark place so I just try to keep my mind occupied and focus on new opportunities.

Despite all this I'm still a firm believer in cryptocurrency and I'm very grateful for it. Steemit allowed me to write full time for almost two years but I'll be having to find new revenue streams soon. I just think some very drastic measures need to be made to make exchanges and wallets easier to use and more secure before cryptocurrency will ever reach true mass adoption.

kharma.scribbles (57) · 5 years ago

Try publish0x where you can still write for crypto.. Heck, cross-post your STEEM posts there after payout (for a content 'refresh' and because posts can earn indefinitely there.. and all you need to do is put a line at the end citing it was cross-posted and link back to your STEEMit and there will be no problems.

ericvancewalton (76) · 5 years ago

I'll check that out @kharma.scribbles! Thanks for the recommendation.

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

Holy shit, well now I don’t feel quite so bad for losing $5300 with the QuadrigaCX fiasco!

Man, I feel your pain. Losing that much simply cuz of not selling at peak, over months, is certainly a different matter than a case like what happened to you in a flash.

Big risks and big rewards here, in the wild Wild West of these still “early” days...

ericvancewalton (76) · 5 years ago

Absolutely, without the risk there wouldn’t have been the rewards. Despite what happens from this point on it’s been an incredible journey.

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cryptoffee (46) · 5 years ago

Story of mine, but on a bigger scale. Massive respect for not giving up pal! You were up high - and yet again, you have to start over. I have made some coins through crypto myself, but then burned it all foolishly by not managing risk properly. To much leverage, no stop losses in place - like a masochist! I was too greedy. Let's raise from the ashes like a Phoenixes and make it work again, this time way smarter.

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

🙌

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luegenbaron (64) · 5 years ago (edited)

Maybe you didnt get the 2 million $, but you got some other very valueable things! ;)
For example experience in this cruel market. The BTC market is fats and volatile.
Being in there very early is a big advantage. Also having 1-2 years experience.

You've also managed to build yourself a community on steem and earn 22STU for a post, while steem is bottomed and you thought there would noone be around anymore..

Cuf of my pain I wasnt even able to work and earn yet, to then invest in crypto. Therefore I also have no crypto.
But Idc. I'm the happiest man as soon as my pain is gone and after that I'll try to educate myself in everything I'm interested in to later on hopefully work for crypto directly. :)

Head up. We are still in the beginning.
Don't live in the past or in the future..! ;) Live now!

aaronhawk (57) · 5 years ago

I'm sorry to hear that bro! I wouldn't beat up myself it's just money after all. I guess you quoted that right with

“wealth isn’t money; it’s what you have left when your money’s all gone; it’s your ability to make it all back again.”

You will get back there again with a new set of rules you learned with this lesson! I wish you all the best! :)

michealb (66) · 5 years ago (edited)

fk, if a blog comes out from you on how not to lose 4 million, i'll sink the boots in and vote it down to zero lol

rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

🤣

NO FUCKING WAY! :-D

meesterboom (78) · 5 years ago

Its a funny kind of masochism the hodling as it gets lower and lower and lower and then lower still and all you can do is watch thinking it is going to turn around.

Felt the same!

chronogn (60) · 5 years ago

So you don't think Steem would do 100x again? 100x from today's price would be around $15. I think it's possible. :)

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

Hmmm...

My faith in Steem took a dive along with the rest of the market and personal self-esteem. Though, I suppose that if I were to take another look objectively - especially considering the recent changes to the economic system that were meant to address some of the biggest problems, and developments such as SMTs and communities finally coming out - there could potentially be such a possibility.

I don’t think it’d come as easy as many of used to think, and that there’d still be a long ways to go both with mass crypto adoption and development on Steem, but perhaps...

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niallon11 (68) · 5 years ago

Isn't there a famous saying about putting an old head on young shoulders. Any person making those gains without the experience of losses is going to get blinded by the money. You are far from the only one.

If we do get another bull run the experience is there to sell as the price moves up and take out your profit gradually in case of emergency. It's great to look back and say what could have been done but if that was an option we would all be rich. I could have bought facebook shares in the past. I almost bought bitcoin 4 years ago but forgot to finish the process. (That one hurt)

Next time you'll do better and hopefully others can learn from your post and do better in their turn.

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ocupation (68) · 5 years ago

Great read, enjoyed ever part of it.
We all fucked up, I was greedy motherfucker myself. Maybe not as big but I know if I had 100k I wouldn't sell it, not even a little. Better times will come, keep up hustling until they come. Enjoying the process is what matters 👌

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dmwh (54) · 5 years ago

(And yesterday morning, I’d just been retriggered into nearly the same condition - thus, a part of me questioning whether the writing of this story is perhaps a necessary part of the healing process of the ‘paralyzing’ experience.)

I'd say that you are on to something here. It's gotta feel good to get this off your chest. Thanks for being willing to be vulnerable and share your insights and wisdom.

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lucylin (67) · 5 years ago

Kudos for the post, matey.
Brutal honesty is rare in these parts, I find.

It's a shame it had to cost you so much, but,..... 'the best lessons in life are the ones that cost the most'.

Cold comfort for you there mate, I know, but nevertheless - it is true.

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ityp (56) · 5 years ago

I hope you find some healing.

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

🙏

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whatsup (75) · 5 years ago

Well told. I think many might relate and even more should.. but aren't ready yet.

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mariusfebruary (61) · 5 years ago

You are still alive and free. With that you can participate in all the future brings. Thank you for sharing your story. Can I give something small back? I enjoyed reading Antifragile by Nassim Nicolas Taleb. It is long and it is complex but it delivers on the title.

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joythewanderer (78) · 5 years ago (edited)

Hey really touching and honest story.
I didn't follow you from the beginning, but I can see how you made successful here in steem's very early days. I feel you regret but maybe more chance will come, let's hope.

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ace108 (76) · 5 years ago

Many of us around the same time and seen the rough ups and downs downs downs. I started with nothing but envy when i someone told me his friend cash and bought a nice motorcycle. I count myself not so unlucky because i exchanged some small bit out for BTC and ETH which still worth more than a few thousands bucks. I think like in trading stocks, counting only the gains is denial which talking about the loss then comes the psychological healing.

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nathen007 (68) · 5 years ago

Great writing and I think there are a couple of morals.

Firstly, you never had the money so you didn't lose anything and more importantly , never listen to the idiots here who are still telling everyone to buy and hodl. We all need to use Steem practically and not just watch numbers on a screen getting bigger ...or smaller.
Some people are afraid to touch it 'in case' the price rises, or FOMO in other words and some are just collectors . Either way , tokens need use or they are useless.

As my old dad and I guess many others did...spend some, save some and don't put all your eggs in one basket .

Now quit with the self recrimination and write me some stuff to read because at the moment, it's shit here unless you like reading about Steem.

Best wishes to you and the missus....

2mil? You fuckwit ;-)

Posted using Partiko Android

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kayceefresh (56) · 5 years ago

You are not alone on this been struggling since then but not giving up yet there is always a way somehow, just keep doing what you enjoy doing

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steemitqa (64) · 5 years ago

Don't worry about this next go around you'll be wiser and smarter! its coming!

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nonameslefttouse (74) · 5 years ago

I can relate, but I don't want to talk about it.

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

I don’t blame you. :-)

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isaria (74) · 5 years ago

❤️

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sroka87 (62) · 5 years ago

Well your story isn't exactly unique, so no point crying a river about it. All those involved in crypto from c.2016 made massive paper gains , but only for a very short period. Unless they had the blind luck to cash out at the peak, they just have to suck it up and not think "I was once worth x amount for 2 weeks..." Torturing yourself with benefit of hindsight will just fuck you up. You can't time the market, so don't bother trying.

It sounds like you're still sitting on a pile of crypto, so if your hands are strong enough, forget about that $100K for 3-5 years, and then sell of a part of it in mid 2020s. You'll be doing alright by then I think.

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kharma.scribbles (57) · 5 years ago

Everything happens for a reason. The Universe has an interesting way of steering our journey, throwing us into hardships only because it is the road we need to take to get where we are going.. We just need to figure out why she steered us through that path - the hint is that it was in order to teach you something that you will need to continue along the right path ;)

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

So the theories go... although I probably still woulda preferred to cash out at least half! Ha!

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frot (68) · 5 years ago

Thanks for the honesty man - even if your investing was a bit crap, that is a great post. You often do great posts you know - now just remember to take profits from ponzi schemes as you go!

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arcange (73) · 5 years ago (edited)

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transisto (74) · 5 years ago

A bit long but at least it's cryptocurrency related.

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enforcer48 (68) · 5 years ago

Reading is hard. I know.

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

🤣 👏 😁

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themarkymark (78) · 5 years ago

Steem should only be posts about crypto?

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transisto (74) · 5 years ago

No but at least it should be known as a good news source in that niche.
That's what largest shareholders have in common.

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ervinneb (61) · 5 years ago

What a stupid reply.

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beerlover (62) · 5 years ago

^{View or trade BEER.}

Hey @rok-sivante, here is a little bit of BEER for you. Enjoy it!

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libert (63) · 5 years ago

@tipu curate

Posted using Partiko Android

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tipu (67) · 5 years ago

Upvoted 👌

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enjoyinglife (72) · 5 years ago

Great text, felt and related. But honestly I feel you'll get a chance to earn that back, through STEEM 🙃

Posted using Partiko Android

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rok-sivante (75) · 5 years ago

If I didn't sell any Steem until price hit $30/Steem... 🤔

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