VOICES IN MY HEAD
to believe in dead things like "i am good enough" when clearly you are not is a pile of shit atop a mountain of crap.
when everyday you die again over and over inside when you fail.whats the point of trying when all you are is a big huge FAIL a time pusher peharps.
you can almost hear him say it out loud "oh i wish she was like her or the others were so much better.look at her walks around like she is about to fall." right before he smiles and calls you babe.
suddenly the wheels in jyour head start to turn and you hear all their voices of how you cant get anything right , how you can never be good enough , how you are stupid and worthless and how you will never be useful.
so you go your way in life trying to prove them wrong when u know they right.
the wagon wheel of voices in my head always seems to come back. to steal my sanity , my ability to breathe and move or sway myself to reality.
these voices in my head grow so loud they threaten to swallow me whole as they rip and tear their way back to my reality.
i know i shouldn't , i promised i wouldn't anymore , that i would do the breathing excercises they taught me but the addiction of pain takes over and i slip.
i pick up the shiny perfectly crafted object my medicine to make them stop my saviour unknown . i take the blade and make a small cut and close my eyes and wince at the pain overwhelming me , at that moment the world slows down i am free for but a second free to fly atop the clouds with the birds i drift in my momentary lullaby breathing like a new born. But as i open my eyes again the voices have stopped i'm free to breathe and smile my fake smile in my fake moment of joy.
at the back of my head i know they will be back and so will the cravings.
see these voices in my head are my addiction to the pain.
end. by : t.a. maru