I Ran Away And Let It Go

Lately I have been spending a lot of time soul searching and trying to figure out what it is I want out of life. It has been quite strange as four years ago I felt that I was on the right path and that I was heading in the right direction. Then I fell pregnant with my second child and after that it was like I could never fit into my old life anymore. Just a side note, I am not at all blaming my second child, it was just coincidence that it happened at the same time and in my opinion was bound to happen sooner or later.

It was quite an interesting journey for me and one in which I learnt an incredibly lot about myself as a person, mother and wife. I am still busy trying to figure it all out. All I remember was that everything just felt so hard. Like fighting to carry on living, what I now call my old life, was a chore and hard. Most of the times it just felt that everything was going wrong. It felt like I was on the right path and then a boulder knocked me off and I just couldn’t get back on. Last year I finally had a light bulb moment. I asked myself, “but what if the old path isn’t the right one anymore? Maybe you were knocked onto the right one”. I just couldn’t see it. I kept asking myself why this was happening to me. Had I not worked incredibly hard to get to this point?

It carried on and it carried on. Now you might ask why I held on so long? Well, it’s simple. I’m stubborn and I was scared. I was scared that people would judge me for failing and for being weak. Then one day I had a thought. I wrote the following “Sometimes failing at something and letting it go is not running away and should rather be seen as creating the freedom for what you are destined to be doing in the first in place.”

"The truth is, unless you let go,
unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation,
unless you realize that the situation is over,
you cannot move forward."
-Steve Maraboli

That was it. I knew I had finally got to a place where I could let it go and I did. Now I’m on a mission to find out what the “what you are destined to be doing” part is. It’s been enlightening so far and I’m finding myself going back to when I was a child and remembering what it was that I enjoyed doing before life and people’s expectations took over. My advice to anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation is to talk. Talk and then when you think that you are done talking, talk some more. In the end listen to your heart and not your head. The head is where most of our self-doubt, negative talk and fear come from.

Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling.

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