10 Random Things About Me ... French Forign Legion, Fatherhood & Flatulence

This post is a response to Playing Dress-Up and Other Random Things by the always light-hearted and lovable @mattifer. Matti is the organizer of the upcoming blockchain-wide "Pants-Off, Dance-Off," an initiative that most certainly will go viral and result in a massive influx of new Steemians.

It's also part of the #tenrandomthings challenge in which one discloses 10 Random Things about oneself in an effort to sound interesting and intriguing, prescient and profound. You know ... whale-bait.

And so, without further adieu:

1.) I Have a Brilliant & Beautiful Daughter

Daddy's Girl

I have a brilliant and beautiful 17-year-old daughter named Katie. From the first day she was born, I have loved her with a ferociousness that surprised everyone, including myself. I didn't even want a kid. My affinity for fathering was the greatest surprise of my life.

Katie is her Father's daughter. Our minds are so in sync that we don't need to finish sentences in each other's company, a habit which drives third parties to our conversations absolutely nuts. We are each other's best friend and closest confidante ... and each other's worst tormentor - if you can imagine, she actually has the audacity to edit my poetry.

She now has a boyfriend and so I'm learning to share. My only consolation is that he is almost exactly like me ... a fact that Katie readily admits. And, as he is so much like me ... how could I not like him?

2.) I am a Tutor (Unpaid)

Plato & Aristotle 

It started in elementary school. A lot of kids don't have a Dad around and so I became everyone's default. Sleepovers turned into helping with homework. Homework became tutoring. And tutoring became Science Fair Projects. 

I tutor. 

Oh God ... do I tutor.

Sometimes three subjects at once. It has taken years off of my life. Probably decades. Math, English, History, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Philosophy, Politics and, of course, Poetry. And did I mention Science Fair Projects? (Notice the "s" ... plural. Very, very plural.)

Respecting Science Fair Projects, I have a reputation that proceeds me (and it's a lot higher than my Steemit Reputation Score). One teacher actually hid behind a bookshelf (like that would have saved her).

You see, I am a firm believer that for kids to be interested in Science, they must first fall in love with Science. And, in order to fall in love with Science, they must first feel its magic. And, for them to feel its magic, there must be a highly kinetic release of energy. And hence, our laboratory safety equipment includes motorcycle helmets (with visors) and improvised body armor ... normal safety goggles and labcoats are for the uncommitted.

Katie now tutors math as well. She gets paid $15/hr.

In all those years of tutoring, I received one case of Heineken (which I needed) and a centrifuge. It didn't even cover the damages.

3.) We Have No Dining Room  

We used to have a Dining Room. 

When my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 8 years ago, Katie and I quickly converted it into a biological and chemical laboratory. We have spent the past 8 years, including all her Science Fair Projects (she now competes at the International Level) investigating the cause, and researching a cure. All throughout High School, she has been enrolled in a class called MaST (Math, Science & Technology), a program unique to her school ... essentially, a 4-year experimental science program.

All either of us ever gets for Christmas and birthday presents is lab equipment.

Straight A's since Kindergarten (all Advanced Classes), a Weighted GPA of 4.74 and more Science Fair wins that I can count. She was invited by the American Chemical Society to present her Alzheimer's-related findings at the University of South Florida ... in Grade 8 (the other eight presenters were grad students in university).

Katie will continue her research next year in university.

4.) French Foreign Legion

As a lad, I spent five years in the French Foreign Legion. 

If there is one experience in life that will toughen you up, both inside and out, it's the Legion. If you don't know what the Legion is, have a look.

And yes, we still have those funny hats ... it's called a Kepi Blanc (me on the left).

"So, Mr. Whale ... you think my post is only worth 1% of your upvote.

You adapt to your environment.

5.) Been There

Pretty Stamps

I have lived in, or traveled to, 57 countries. 

The only continents I have not visited is Australia and Antarctica. The Legion pumped up that number (we got around), but I also used to manage a couple of hedge funds and that required significant travel as well. 

I love traveling and meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. Traveling earns you a PhD in Perspective.

6.) Science & History Guy

Neuroscience

I am a science and history guy. All sciences and all histories. 

When I was a child and had nothing else to do, I would read the Encyclopedia ... from A-Z. Multiple times. God only knows what I would have done if the Internet had existed back then. I possess an insatiable curiosity about how things work.

One of my favorite subjects is the human brain: Neuroscience; psychology; sociology; hypnosis; behavioral economics; etc. If you're doing something ... I want to know why.

7.) I Love to Cook

If there is a hedonistic pleasure I enjoy above all others, it is good food (including, of course, some good wine to go with it) and fine dining. I love to cook.

Guys ... Women Love A Fancy Meal 

8.) I Have No Sense of Smell

I have no sense of smell and have never had one. No one knows why. Science says with no sense of smell, I should have little or no sense of taste, as many of the neurons that process the former also process the latter. And yet, here I am. I actually have a highly elevated sense of taste. Indeed, I can even taste some air-borne odors (it has to be pretty bold ... like cat urine ... which I promise you is not delicious).

Alas, I am undoubtedly the only poet in history who has never been moved to muse by the fragrance of a rose. Of course, I'm probably the only poet in history who has never experienced the fragrance of a fart ... although, I have noticed, that these are only rarely the subject of poetic renderings.

This strikes me as being an artistic oversight, especially considering the sheer banality of much of modern-day poetry. The Fartphobia of the olfactory-privileged. And so, I've decided (right here and now) to make Flatulence the writing prompt for an upcoming Poetry Challenge.

I WILL NEED Sponsors.

9.) I am Old-Fashioned and a Hopeless Romantic

Courtly Love

I am the last of the Romantics.

Romance, chivalry and knights in shining armor. And, of course, poetry.

And ... you don't even get to make fun of me for it: See: Random Thing No. 4 above.

"You write ... Poetry!"

"Oh ... you're the Tough Guy ... because you write Python."

The expression is "Warrior-Poet" ... not "Warrior-Programmer."

10.) I Have Famous Ancestors

I'll skip the explanation and just include a poem I wrote for my daughter to remind her from whence we descend, and hence, the standards and values to which we are to be held. It's all part of those old fashioned Romantic Ideals.

From Whence That You Came

1066 … a year we transfix,
In history, no greater of tales,
To claim his birthright, would for it he fight,
His armies, for England, set sail.

William the Conqueror, William the King,
Now close on a thousand years,
And with him they came, great men of great fame,
William, and William his peers.

And of these great men, would history it pen,
One … First Man of our line,
Begin the montage, came Thomas Sauvage,
‘Great knight’ did poets opine.

And so it began, our history of clan,
Dukes and Viscounts and Earls,
A Savage Left Wing, made Tudor the King,
Their banners, Red Roses, unfurled.

So too we Crusades, we drew them our blades,
Shields and lance … Agincourt,
For what you will bleed, that thing it your creed,
BELIEVE … and then it exhort.

Too we in fable, Knights of Round Table,
Dodinas, Pinel and Ba Lin,
All three were they Savage … one family so managed,
Ideals like prey to a talon.

Speaker, the House; a Savage espoused,
A Savage, Archbishop of York,
Of poets the specimen; Alfred, Lord Tennyson,
Men on the road as it forks.

Maternal descent, we made him a gent,
His name, all came to revere,
As great as we’ve been, no greater our kin,
Such man, we call him … Shakespeare.

Soldiers and poets, ancestors bestow it,
Defined, all men by their fights,
As soldiers they die, our poets write why,
From wrong, find strength to be right.

Like history avowed, the past echoes loud,
“Savage” … most noble of names,
Bring not it derision, some men still envision,
Recall … from whence that you came.

11.) Bonus

@mattifer got a bonus so I'm taking one too. 

Napoleon (actually me)

I Self-Identify as Napoleon Bonaparte and my pronouns are Mon Général. And so ... please accept My Truth and address me accordingly.

Quill

I nominate my good buddies @d-pend, @girlbeforemirror and @cryptogee to participate in the #tenrandomthings Challenge.

You guys know the drill. Be verbose ... but articulate.

And remember ... 

Go Love A Starving Poet 

For God's sake ... they're starving!