If your friend needs you- Advice for teenagers on being a good friend

You know the saying "To have friends you first have to be a good friend" and that is what you live by.  Your friends are important to you and you always try and help them where you can.  

Your one friend has been acting a bit strange the last week or so and you know something is wrong.

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How can you be a good friend to him/ her or help them sort out their problems?

In the technological era that we live in, most young people have forgotten how to communicate and live mostly in their own world with their cellphone or laptop, and have 'online friends'. It you really want to be a good friend and you are worried about someone's well being, you will have to speak to them and ask them what is bothering them.  Not all people want to talk about their problems, but it is nice to know that somebody picked up that something is wrong with you.

Do not listen to any gossip about what might be wrong or imagine what can be wrong.  Ask your friend directly and hear the truth 'from the source', without any added stories that makes for good sensation.

Never judge your friend if they have build up the courage to talk to you.  Do not make them feel shame or regret that they have told your something.  If they ask you not to tell others, respect it.

Do not confront you friend in front of others, talk to them where you are alone and they feel safe. Even if you have to set a specific time and date, do that, but let your friend choose where they would feel comfortable enough to speak to you.  Maybe they do not want other friends or their parents to hear what they have to say, so they will only feel comfortable in a place where 'the walls do not have ears.'

Do not be the type of person who just asks whats wrong, not because you are really interested, but only because you are nosy and will have a new story to tell.  

Be a true friend that are really interested in the well being of your friend.

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If you want to help somebody, you must give them a chance to tell their story.  Remember this is not about you, so do not tell them the whole time what you did or how you would do it, first listen to their whole story before you start speaking and dishing out advise.  

Nobody wants to be interrupted the whole time.  It is difficult enough for them to tell the story, so let them talk, until they have said everything or ask for your input.

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People will talk when they are ready to talk.  Do not nag or try and force them to talk to you and keep on telling them they have to talk to you.  Some people first try and make sense of a situation on their own or want the pain to subside a bit, so the best thing you can do is to just re-assure them that you are there whenever they are ready.  And do not just say it, really be there the moment they need you.

There can be a number of things that can be wrong with your friend.  From a small problem to something huge.  If you feel that you cannot give them advice or help them, you will have to speak to an adult.  Do not try and solve problems that you know nothing about.  

You can give the wrong advice and make the problem worse.  Encourage them to speak to an adult and assure them you will be with them and no matter the outcome, you will stay a true friend.

If they are maybe sick and need to go for tests, go with them and be there every step of the way.

Many times people can sort out their own problems, it is just nice to know that somebody 'has you back' and you do not have to fight the fight alone.

If you suspect that your friend is in any danger, you must get the help of a trustworthy adult right away.

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Accept that you will not always be able to help your friend and sometimes when you know they are doing the wrong things, you cannot convince or force them to change.  The only thing you can do is make sure that they know you are there for them, even if it is just to listen or prevent them from hurting themselves. 

You can be there for somebody, but do not get pulled in too deep into other people's problems, that you forget to look after yourself.  You can help nobody if your own needs are not met or you are unhappy with yourself.

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