When I workshop someone I give an honest reaction. Often people will tell me they disagree with me. To me that says they've missed the point. I'm not arguing or suggesting what they should do, I'm giving them an honest reaction. Honest reactions are fairly easy to give, you just describe your personal reaction.
They can sting, no doubt. But they are important. If someone is serious about their work, then they too will find these reactions to be important because some of their audience will feel the same way.
I am interested to see your methodology though.
Maybe it's about wording. When wording is right, there's no need to agree or disagree.
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it can definitely soften the blow. If I'm reading over a story and after a certain line of dialogue I think "Wow, the protagonist is a jerk." When and if that is contrary to what the author would want the reader to think, then it would help the author to know exactly that, wouldn't it?
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This is about wording exactly. What you can say safely always relates to yourself, not the others. Here's an example: "When I am reading how this guy behaves, I feel resentment".
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So the idea is a more diplomatic approach to giving feedback, and also to focus the feedback on exactly how it makes you feel?
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If we focus the feedback on exactly how it makes us feel it will be more diplomatic. There are more ideas than that but it's a good basis. It's Thomas Gordon's approach (the author of P.E.T.). Also Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a good book on the subject.
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This makes perfect sense. It's the same philosophy that says to use "I" statements and "feeling" based statements when you disagree with a loved one. When you have to say how you feel about something--how you really felt --then your language and phrasing is already less confrontational than anything that begins with "You." "You should cut this" sounds more confrontational than "I didn't feel this was necessary."
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That's it!
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