This post is inspired by @jaynie's post on Forgiveness. This is the link folks:https://steemit.com/powerhousecreatives/@jaynie/forgiveness-the-constant-releasing-of-resistance

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The post explores forgiveness. As usual, although I do agree with @jaynie's view on this, I just want to share my own perception on the topic.

An Eye for an eye

As a person who belongs to the only nation in Asia where majority of the population are Christians, the pressure to forgive and let go had always been a big deal. Sometimes, I encounter people who has the keen sense of justice which is biblical enough:

Deuteronomy 19:21

21 You* should not feel sorry:a Life* will be for life,* eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.

Literally speaking, if I killed your son, you will kill mine. If I stole your husband, you will steal mine. If you ruined my life, I will ruin yours. It would really make sense especially when one is grieving or had just suffered loss. But, will that restore balance?

I am older

I recognize the fact that being older equates to having more life experiences and thus, it accumulates into wisdom overtime. But, I do know that not everyone is wise or even experienced. I have encountered people who would always look back on the days when they were once rich, beautiful and famous. Or, the times when a mature person will dwell on the past where commodities are cheap, people are generally good and life was better.

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I feel that age- the sense of having a past, present and future would have made them wiser and that, what happened then, might not really be applicable today. I do not mean any disrespect but, the elderly do not have the monopoly of knowledge and wisdom. The only permanent thing in this world is change.

The notion that if one is older, they are more mature, experienced and always right should be abolished. Some old people that I met would even rally me to their cause not because they are right but because they have ulterior motives. When they cannot bend me to their will, they will hate me. They will label me as disrespectful and foolish. And even when I am proven right, everyone will be on their side because, they are OLD.

No one is above the law even if one is old. So, why does it seem to me that older people expect forgiveness even when they intentionally, maliciously, pre-meditatively did something terrible? Is forgiveness age based? The older you get, the more chances you can get away with anything?

Healing

I have my fair share of demanding justice for all the things that happened to me. Even in the past few months alone, I can actually name a lot of people I wanted to throw under the bus.

But in the end, it was not about me harming them or getting the type of justice aka revenge that most people would desire and want. For me, I just want to restore balance. When there is wrong, a sense of "what we should do next so this will never happen again" attitude is more desirable.

Another thing that I have encountered so far are people who claim that they have forgiven me but at the slightest chance that I am sliding or, I made a mistake, they are very swift to backpedal on that time when I did that. Is there like a time limit for forgiving? Is it just another standard operating procedure to accept an apology even when one is not yet ready to move on?

Does healing involve bringing up whatever happened in the past? Or, is accepting an apology just an outward act so people will not judge the victim as a bad person?

You are to blame

One of the other things that annoy me when I demand apology was that, I get people who gas lights. They will end up telling me that, they did what they did in good faith. Sometimes, they would even invalidate the incident and say that, no wrong was done. Or, it was done for the greater good.

As far as I know, no person in their right minds would ever readily consent to being victimized either physically, emotionally or any other form of assault. Everyone wanted to live in good faith and that included being free from any form of oppression, assault or discrimination.

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Blaming the victim because he felt offended or hurt is simply malevolent. We are products of our environment, experiences, life, backgrounds. No two person no matter how similar their backgrounds are interpret every single thing that happened to them exactly. What might be an innocent gesture in one culture might be interpreted as an aggression in others.

Looking beyond today

Its really hard to write about forgiveness. In a way or another, everyone of us experienced being the victim and the offender. I sometimes end up apologizing even when I do know that I did not do anything wrong. Its not self righteousness. What if as I have mentioned before, what I did is offending to them even if its not for me? Its not easy to apologize when you did something wrong but, its easier to do so when you know you've done no wrong. Its not about ego. Its not even about being proven right. Its about recognizing the other person's concerns and taking those simple steps.

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I do have another principle on how I want to give and receive them. There are circumstances wherein I felt that what happened to me is just too upsetting to even start accepting an apology. Sometimes I do not even accept them because, I do not want to be one of the people who would bring them up the slightest chance they got. Healing for me is a painful and long process. I do not want to go into situations wherein I will be blaming that other person for what happened before. If I do not feel ready, I am outright about it.

Looking beyond today, I think that the best thing that anyone can do either they are the victim or the aggressor is just to look at the future. Do you want to be on the same place where you are now? Hurt, resentful because of something that was done a long time ago? What result do you want to achieve? Is it bringing justice or, is it being proven right or correct? Or, do you simply want to be told that you can get away from it ?

Does anyone deserve to be forgiven or is it just reserved for the wealthy, old , influencial or those who committed a simple fault? Is it even universal? Is it real?

So why does it matter to forgive? Perhaps because forgiveness is not the end result of being hurt. Maybe, its just the first steps to healing and moving on with your life.

@jaynie