Steemlords - Let the carnage begin

We start this episode sitting in the Mirkwood. Our blacksmith has just slapped the ass of the beautiful Princess Loki, our vegan warrior is doing HIIT workouts like a crazy women trying to get her mind off of something, Battlewom looking to dig something for the hell of it and Lord BMJ just staring west missing home.

Eventually we all sit down together and discuss what could be coming next, we agree that someone is likely to feel the wrath of Lord Pervy's pork sword and that we have 2 crazy zombies on the loose. We agree that we need to get the hell out of here ASAP but we are going to need that ring the Zombies stole off Bilbo Baggins. We had all heard the rumors that Dragons glass was a great weapon against zombies so off went Battlewom off to dig some up.

In the mean time, Gohba nipped out to his workshop under the guise of devising some new ghastly weapons for the journey. In fact he was setting about to make replica's of the Goblins Sextant. He knew that if it came to only 1 person needing this thing, he wasn't going to be sticking around. The blacksmith tapped out enough of the fake sextants so that there was one for each of them. He bundled them all up into his sack and buried the original at the bottom. He planned to quietly ask each member of the crew to look after "THE" sextant but not to let anyone know, it'd be their little secret.

As Gohba returned to the crew, Battlewom was returning with a big pile of dragons glass. The blacksmith knew just what to make with it, so he and Lord BMJ returned to the forge to make some stabby things to help defend themselves against the zombies lurking nearby.
Gohba was hammering and hammering, BMJ was stoking the fire as hot as he could but the blacksmith just couldn't make it conform. The heat was hallucinogenic and the blacksmith started spinning. He was seeing the dragons glass as his own life, as much as he pushed and pulled and heated and tried, he just couldn't get it right. Eventually Lord BMJ suggested we try something crazy. Maybe a dragon could melt the glass, and they knew just where a dragon was at that moment.

The 2 fearless lords marched up to the local manor house where it seemed as if a great party was going on. As they peered around the corner, they seen something crazy but amazing at the same time. It was Lord Percival and his cousins and aunties and brothers. It was the whole damn Percival clan gathered in 1 house. It appeared that a great orgy was also taking place. The Percival's were an ugly mob, so once our 2 lords had finished dry heaving from the horrible sight of a house full of butt naked Percival's, they agreed that they'd come back tonight and capture Lord Percival and play a little game of Torture the Toff.

As they got to the stable, they found Rogormortis asleep. They couldn't get the dragon to wake up, so by this time, Lord Gohba was so furious that he got his hammer out and belted the dragon on the tail. This promptly woke the dragon who let out an almighty fireball directly into the manor house.
The flames quickly took hold of the house and then we heard it, the squealing and the jumps for joy of the 2 crazy zombies. Toasted Brains they were chanting as they started decimating the Percival clan. Lord Gohba looked through to window to see Lord Percival balls deep in a most beautiful girl, but the Zombies bit her and she promptly flung around and took an almighty chomp out of Lord Percival's pork sword.

Gohba let out a guttural "FAARRKKK we gotta get outta here man" but Lord BMJ reminded them that we needed the ring. At that moment the Zombies started towards the pair, when an arm fell off and they seen Bilbo Baggins ring wedged neatly onto the zombies shoulder bone. Lord Gohba dashed forward, grabbed the ring and screamed to Lord BMJ "RUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!*

The pair hightailed it back to their camp, screaming at the crew that we had to go. ChooXena complained that she was eating a Lara Bar, but Gohba told her to stick the Lara Bar, we're all fucked if we don't leave right now!! As the women and Battlewom heard the droll moans of the approaching zombies, they all looked at each other and let out a collective "FUUUCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!" and they all started their journey into the Mirkwood heading directly towards the Giantula Valley that Ratzilla had shown ChooXena.

in the next Episode of Steemlords:

• Will the team make it through the Valley of spiders
• Will Lord Percival's Zombified penis infect anyone else
• Will Gohba be able to fool the rest of his team with the fake Sextants.

Thanks to the following people for appearing in this episode
@bmj, @drwom, @phelimint, @ratticus, @scooter77, @shellyduncan, @silvernova, @thinknzombie, @tremendospercy @choogirl
As always @sirknight the evil bastard messing with our minds on this crazy journey.