#STEEMLORDS - Lord Percival heads to the 'Shire'. - The Good, the Mad & the Fugly.

Lord Percival was perplexed......

He was sure his arrival at Himling was timely however it was not to be.
"Damn!" Shouted Lord Percival.
"What's wrong my Lord?" replied Crimson.
"I've just found out we're late, Bloody Criminalians have their man running the show so we're going to have to get creative."
"How so?"
Lord Percival explained. "I just received this message via carrier eagle for SirKnight" he removed a parchment from his pocket and showed it to Crimson.

The message.

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Sir Scooterless, Lord Percival, Lord Nenad and Squire StinkZombalot - you have avoided the Typhoon but have failed to make the Himling crossing.

Head South East now to the Gulf of Lune and into Mithlond - once there, seek direction to 'The Shire.'

Locate a Hobbit they call 'Bilbo Baggins.'

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He has a ring!

Take possession of this ring and continue on to Mirkwood - try to avoid any 'Grey Wizards' or 'Elves' who might be loitering in the area.

Hence forth thou shall be known as 'The Ring Bearers'.

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"So we have to team up with the Criminalians do we? That won't end well.........for them!" Crimson said menacingly.
"I'm well aware of you inability to play nice with others," said Lord Percival, "However in this case we need to be a bit more subtle methinks. Indiscriminate slaughter may not serve us well this time."
"Meh, whatever." was all Crimson said.

Lord Percival was considering Crimsons words when all of a sudden a shadow cast over them along with a deafening roar. They both looked up to the sky to see what manner of beast could have made the blood curdling sound. Without warning there was a whoosh followed by a sickening crunch.
Lord Percival turned and saw the most unusual creature he had ever laid his eyes on had landed on Crimson, crushing her to death.
"Holy shit! What manner of creature it that?" Lord Percival said to no one in particular.

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"She is my transportation." A female voice spoke.
Lord Percival spun around in shock to look where the voice had come from.
"She is a flying Rhino called 'PunctuationFiend' and your are in big trouble Lord Percival."

Lord Percival was aghast, who was the woman speaking to him? Where was she from? Why was she here? So many questions were going through his mind, the foremost one though was.........Is she single? Because she was a hottie!

"My name is 'RhondaKrakken'.

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"Ding dong." was all he could muster.
"I have heard of your philandering ways Lord Percival, and I can tell you now your charm, good looks and sophisticated banter won't work on me, I have been sent by Loki to slay both you and the Crimson warrior, then return the Owl of the Ragnarok." She continued. "The first part of my task is complete."

They both looked down at the Crimson mess on the ground where just minutes before stood the Crimson Warrior.

"I would never attempt to seduce an intelligent and sophisticated woman such as yourself RhondaKrakken, your beauty is beyond description and your mind clearly surpasses my lowly wit."

"Aww, you really think so?" said RhondaKrakken melting.

"Why of course Milady, I will not put up a fight against your obvious superiority, I will gladly give you the Owl of the Ragnarok. How could I not? I will die a happy man having just the fleeting opportunity to gaze upon your beauty?"

"Oh stop you." giggled RhondaKrakken, blushing.
"I suppose it would be alright if I spared you as long as I had the Owl of the Ragnarok to return to Loki."
"Drink?" said Lord Percival, smiling.

RhondaKrakken spent the best part of two hours fishing the Owl of the Ragnarok out of Lord Percival's codpiece after which he explained to her the mission he'd been given by SirKnight.

"So as you can see, I will be outnumbered by Criminalians and while Crimson was an unstable dangerous psychopath, I will admit I'm going to miss having her with me to watch my back. The Criminalians can't be trusted, they are after all the spawn of the worst scum my Kingdom could banish. I don't judge them for that, they can't help it its in their DNA."

RhondaKrakken thought for a minute.

"What if I said I could help you defeat the Criminalians?" said RhondaKrakken.
"How?
"I have a magical elixir that Criminalians fear over everything else, if you possess it you will be forever protected from them even coming near you."
"What is this magical elixir? said Lord Percival intrigued.

RhondaKrakken walked over to where PuntuationFiend was now feeding on the remains of Crimson Warrior. She reached into the saddlebags of the ugly beast and took out the elixir.

"Here you are Lord Percival, this will protect you from every living Criminalian making you invincibe. It works on many other nationalities too." she said.

Lord Percival held aloft the elixir and shouted at the top of his voice.

"Mighty elixir, guide me to the Shire. Protect me on my noble quest for Excalibur, vanquish the Criminalians who seek to thwart me in my endeavour."

"Do you have to leave straight away?" asked RhondaKrakken forlornly.
"No, I've got an hour or so." Lord Percival smiled.

Three hours later he mounted Tremendhorse and headed off.........

Will Lord Percival acquire the ring?

How effective will the elixir prove to be?

When will Lord Percival find a nice girl and settle down?

All may be revealed in the next episode of STEEMLORDS.

I AM LORD PERCIVAL THE MAGNIFICENT!

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STEEMLORDS is the insane creation of @sirknight
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