Photo credit: @hispeedimagins

It all started when Darth Speed decided we should spend some time together. “It’s good for the team building” he said.

It’s all on him in my opinion.

Gathering all the Darths in one ship was like bringing all the elements of nature in one room, neutralizing and amplifying each other at once.

Instead of driving our own starships, we kept trolling and pranking each other. Of course Yella was the most uncontainable one.

Ani-Wan cared. She cared so much about the Darths’ success that she would kiss Jayna the Hutt if the mission required that. Not even caring that she’s a he, or he’s a she, or whatever.

Tauss had a secret. Kind of an obvious secret. I mean, I have a theory about what he does when he spends “hours” in the bathroom, but I never cared enough to make it anything more than a theory.

Once after doing her thing with Tauss, Yella came next to me. A part of me knew I was next. But still, despite her reputation, I always saw her as a cute innocent creature. Well, at least compared to the monsters I’ve been sharing Neshara Voda with.

Wait, didn’t I say this about that shitty Queen of Qualisha too? I think living in Neshara Voda for too long has ruined my standards, and I don’t even know who to blame for that.

Sitting next to Yella was like babysitting a child that is at least 900 years older than me.

A wise creature once told me “one night older than you, one trick wiser than you” or something like that. Whoever they were, they were obviously warning me not to mess with Yella.

But I was arrogant enough to try to act smart and distract her with a conversation to stop her from doing whatever she was planning to do.

“Yella, what does it mean ‘aliens’? I keep hearing this word lately and pretend I understand it. How about you put an end to my confusion and owe me a favor?

The smile on her face made me feel relieved. She looked happy and flattered I came to her for knowledge.

“Well that’s a naive word that the dumb Humans use to describe everything that lives outside their stupid planet”

“What do you know about Humans, Yella?”

Her eyes widened. It looked like my plan was working perfectly. This must be one of her favorite subjects

“Probably everything. We went to Earth several times to charge our ships. Energy is free on Earth.”

She said this with a robotic tone of voice, I bet she thought robotic sounds wise.

“Let me tell you this: Humans are a bunch of smeg-heads who live on a tiny little planet even smaller than some ships I boarded. Yet they think they are the center of the universe.”

And that was the first time I saw Yella smirk.

“Can you imagine it took them more than ten thousand years to land on their own moon? They are a failure!”

She was about to stand up after saying this but I stopped her with another question.

“Do you think I am lucky or do you think the Steem likes me? And why did I lose it during the last battle?”

“Well, it could be one of those possibilities, it could be none of them. Who knows?”

“What do you mean? What could it be?”

“Maybe someone in Neshara Voda was saving your life without letting you notice. When you went to the Qualisha planet, he couldn’t follow you.”

She turned her back on me and went to the bathroom. This left me feeling more confused than ever.

I put my headphones back on and tried to listen to some music while things were calm. That was when I knew how wrong I was in thinking I could outplay Yella. Somehow, she had deleted all my songs and replaced them with a silly one by “Dydney Band” Or something like that.

I skipped the song fifteen times before I gave up and figured out that my dear music list wasn’t there anymore. My first thought was to go and beat it out of Yella. My second thought was to learn from my mistake and ask her nicely. Maybe make a deal with her, any kind of deals just to get my music back before I go insane. By the time I was formulating my third thought, the fluffy little things that they call “Dats” or something-ats tried to take over our ship.

I can’t remember the details of how the slaughter started and why, but with all the drama that was going on amongst the Darths, a slaughter was the only possible outcome of any interaction with them.

My only motive was not to allow Yella to die in the fight. Not before I got my music back. If any Lat comes close to Yella, I made sure to tear him apart before he could touch her. Of course, she thought she was a good fighter and she was dodging them.

That made me think of the last thing Yella told me: “Maybe someone in Neshara Voda was saving your butt and made you think you saved the day.”

When I got distracted by that thought, I got hit in my arm badly and I started losing so much blood that I could barely save my own life. Yella had to survive on her own.

Other than me, I didn’t know who hated these Wats so much that he made the scene that ugly. I looked around and I could see their pink blood all over the ship. I could see some hearts beating outside their chests. I could see some eyes hanging on the roof and some unskinned bodies making their hysterical strange moves.

I saw so many ugly things, but the most disgusting was that sticky green thing on my favorite couch. I’m almost sure it was one of the Darths who did it. And I’m sure it was not Jayna! Or Yella! Or Ani-Wan! Or Tauss! Those were rather enjoying the symphony.

The bright side of the story was that “bloody” is way better than “poopy”. The worst part of it was that it happened on our ship. When everything was over, the ship was in a horrible state, aesthetically speaking. Not that it bothered me, but I didn’t object when Darth Speed proposed that we land on the Meth Star to clean it up.

When we met the king and the queen of that planet, Doll-Dah and Doll-Toe or something like that, Ani-Wan was acting like she just stepped on their cat. Yella was acting like we just massacred their strongest army and left them unprotected. I was wondering if there was a book named “How to Fool an Ancient Creature and Make Her Give You Back What She Stole From You”. Because I would definitely buy it.

Anyway, cleaning and repairing the ship cost us only two bullets (in the royals’ heads) and that was too expensive if you ask Tauss, but it was a great “deal” for the rest of the team.

When we went back to the ship, Ani-Wan approached me, leaned, winked and whispered, “Oh don’t be silly!”

“What?” I said out loud, thinking “Could she read my mind?”

“Never mind.” She rolled her eyes, then she turned the mysterious tone of voice on when she said “it’s in the green memory card in a secret pocket in her pillow”

My heart skipped a beat! Then I looked her in the eyes and I had a strong feeling that I couldn’t determine. I wanted to punch her in her inexistent nose or to hug her, or both.