It all started the day he left. We were together everyday, sleeping and waking minutes, for years. And then he drove away. I was left to my dorm and my new friends. This was my new life and my new chance.
Guess who wanted to date me. Nude model for the art department, mathematician, big man on campus... Kyle Kenneth Brian wanted to date me. Before this day, I had never considered myself desirable before.
Of course, this relationship did not last. We were on a off, trying to keep things light and casual, but I fell deep and fast. I expected him to connect with me the way my previous lovers had. Though, he ended up sleeping with my roommate.
Let me back up.
I moved out of the dorm into my first apartment. My roommate seemed cool enough, a fellow artist. My best friend asked if she could stay in my room while I went on the compulsory yearly cruise with family. I said "As long as you need".
Then on this cruise, well, that's another story. Let's just say it was strange to see my family again after being away for the first time as an adult. My perspective had flipped and I saw everything in a new light. I felt good about myself.
I also had bad feelings though. I felt out of my body at certain points, mostly from drinking and not sleeping for seven days. After the cruise, right when I got off the ship, Kyle called me to let me know that they had to take my best friend to the emergency room for an attempted suicide.
Years later she succeeded. My love. I dreamed her up last night.
I had my first panic attack in a restaurant because my step dad kept poking my sides and yelled at me when I asked him to stop. It was a full blown, exasperating, euphoric, rush. I promised my parents that I would get help so they would get off my back. Though, I think they're the ones who need the most help of all.
You may be wondering when the cave part comes in. Not to worry, soon.
See, we used to go into this very challenging cave. It had tight passageways and cramped quarters. This cave was not for the faint of heart or claustrophobic. Just to enter this womb, was a forty-five minute crawl on outstretched fingertips and toes with a friend pushing at your feet.
Eventually, we would arrive upon a room where the ground was made of clay. This is where explorers use the clay to make intricate sculptures to stick to the walls of the underground. Well, some were intricate. A lot were just penises. Giant, throbbing, circumcised, veiny penises. Everywhere.
This has been the introduction to my cave story. More to come.
Thanks for reading along,
x1018