Timeline

It was on a Sunday morning. I was walking swiftly to the bus stop five minutes walk away from my house. I couldn't help but remember the nick names I was given back in my high school days. 'Long John' 'Robot' 'Computer'. In the short reminiscence, the 'long John' made me giggle a bit because I could watch myself move those long legs of mine in the slightly skinny jeans crowned with a pair of brown leather shoes, walking towards the bus stop, so I could get to church. It was early, so the atmosphere was still inviting, asking all to partake of its air peacefully before the Lagos vehicles demean it with their exhaust pipes.
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Meters to the bus stop, I could sight a tricycle, popularly known as keke Marua, in this clime. It seemed to have been waiting for passengers and it was about to move, even though it had just a passenger in it. I bet the driver probably saw me coming. I tried waving my hand even though the blazer entrapped by arms a little. "Wait!" "Wait!!" I screeched. The vehicle zoomed off nevertheless. I guess the driver had waited a bit long, he couldn't keep the only passenger waiting anymore. I felt slight sad. The keke looked new unlike the others, usually trailing the suburb. I also needed to get to church early for the first service.
"If I was 50 seconds earlier, I would have met up with the Keke." "Maybe I would have spared the time I used in brushing my shoes, my hair." These thoughts werevrummaged on my mind.
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Still walking, the occurrence triggered a memory.
I once asked a girl out. She's a friend. Rather than let me know directly the feeling wasn't mutual, unknown to her, she undertook a path more vicious to me, even though she was trying not to hurt my feelings, she showed me a picture she took with one of the guys on her matter. They were both in his car. She told me of another one who is a business man in Warri. To make matters worse for me, of course, not her, she said he had even visited her parents. There was even a third one.
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At that moment, I felt like a teenager in front of her, even though I had passed mid- 20's. I am just 3 years older than her. I had never felt so small before. Unconsciously, she had needles stamped on the balloon of my self-esteem. I thought she liked me in view of a relationship. Maybe she did. My instinct hardly fails me. We'd been friends for five years. There goes the first "I love you" I ever said to any girl in person; to the wind it vaporised.
I was having an extra year. She had graduated. She was working in Lagos. Her, coming to pick up some stuffs in Benin was what gave me the opportunity to 'shoot my shot', sorry, 'shoot myself'.
I was one person who didn't let the circumstance of my academics affect my self - perception, hence the audacity to have told her my feelings. I felt it shouldn't be a stumbling block on pursing other goals. I ensured I wasn't collecting any cash from home; wetin dey the house sef. My once in a while art, fashion commissions and clinical service kept me going then, more to that was my roommate and few of my friends.
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Maybe she had 'big eyes'. Maybe she couldn't wait for me. Maybe she wanted marriage sooner and I was nowhere close to ready as she envisioned. Beyond all the plethora of thoughts, I believe that it was a problem of different timelines.
Timeline?*
Yes, timeline.
I know of a neighbour who turned down the advances of a lecturer. It was a marriage kind of advances. She declined because she was not ready. She loved him and of course, he loved her. She was just clocking 19. She knew she needed more time to know herself. The lecturer was in his mid 30's. Time was already giving him knocks. There was an attraction but their timelines were different.
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Another incident was that of a friend of mine who had to slowly end a recent friendship on the verge of relationship. He couldn't cope anymore. I had once witnessed him spent an unexpected 6k on the girl. It was unexpected because she met us at an eatery that day. She ended up having items worth 6 thousand Naira on herself. We weren't supposed to see her that day. My friend is a very kind person but his present income isn't as much. He's still building a future for himself with the little he had. I could tell he liked the girl. The girl isn't necessarily a pocket eater, I guess. It's just who she is; an "ajebo". I could tell she liked him too. Even though my friend made her know his financial status and plans. She was still in the regular pizza and cold stone ice cream demand, even though it wasn't direct most times. Was it 'big eye' again? Or her nature? This was someone who in her previous relationship was going to Dubai with her ex. She had her education overseas. Her family is comfortably okay.
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Now, at the bus stop, waiting for another keke. In my conclusion, I thought: Some people aren't necessarily over burdensome. It is who they are. Their definition of them being broke is not adding salad to a plate of rice already garnished with meat and fish. That's how they were raised up, unlike others girls who aren't from wealthy background but would drown their lovers and others with so much financial demands, acting a class they don't belong to, talk less of even being admitted into the school of it.
Sometimes, it is not as though someone doesn't love you. Peharps it can't work out because your present timeline doesn't fit theirs, vice versa. You're about fixing your basic life's need; trying to figure things out. He or she is even passed marriage ready. Yeah, there are countless stories of well-to-do girls who endured with a guy who wasn't as wealthy, but together, they later made it through; everything turned out fine. I am in no place to judge those who couldn't be patient. Not everyone has that level of patience or compassion or grace. We are different. The thing is to know what works for you and be honest with yourself; know if it's an issue with timeline difference or just your pride.
Sometimes, it's not as though we are myopic, greedy, or have low perception of who we are. It is just wise to recognise our timeline and those in it or those who can afford to stay with us in it without breaking themselves or those we can afford to join in theirs without having ourselves slaughtered. Peharps, it's wiser to let go of anyone we aren't in the same timeline with; especially if we are loosing ourselves in the union. There's a thin line between self-inflicted torment and patience. We just have to keep working, hoping, dreaming, aspiring and keep the faith alive that one way or the other, we'll have what's meant for us and we won't miss it.
Sure, timeline isn't necessarily about age. It is about our readiness, though subjective, we can't deny that at least there are fundamental constituents of it. It is everything about our present stage of life.
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"Abule-Egba!" Shouted a driver in a keke approaching me. I waved this time, more comfortably, knowing this too won't pass me by. Off to church I was, in a Keke having the same timeline as myself, unlike the first one I couldnt catch up with because of difference in our timlines.

I hope you enjoyed reading this.