The characterization works--the girl feels very real--and her boyfriend/not-quite-boyfriend is good as well, and that's important, because this chapter depends entirely on whether we like these people. I like a slow build and deep character. You did both. Well done.
RE: Original Work: You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home, Chapter 12, Part 1
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Original Work: You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home, Chapter 12, Part 1