Taking a different look at the Piña Colada song

This past weekend I was listening to a new seasonal channel called "Yacht Rock" on SiriusXM. Yacht Rock is defined by the channel as songs from the mid-1970's to early-1980's that are considered soft-rock. Music that you would play while cruising on your yacht. They had all their song breaks with a voice-man trying to give a "high-class" snobby accent and talking about his yacht and related stuff. They probably could have found a better voice-over person, but hey, it is what it is. Apparently SiriusXM has been doing this channel since 2016.

One of the obvious Yacht Rock songs is Escape by Rupert Holmes. Known better as the Piña Colada song. If you haven't heard this song, you are probably under 18 and never been to a bar or something. I don't know what is wrong with you.

The basis of the song is that a guy is getting bored of his girlfriend, so he peruses the personal ads in the paper. For those of you who have never held a newspaper, back before the Internet and dating sites, people used to connect by placing ads in the paper. By the time the 1990s came around, this was seen as something desperate people do. Heck, it probably seemed like that before then, but in the time of Escape, it was a way to hookup.

Back to the story, the man responds to the ad and goes to the meet up at a bar called O'Malley's, only to find that the original personal ad was taken out by his girlfriend. They laugh and then talk about the new found similarities that they have. Most people would assume that the narrator/singer/writer of the song is the bad guy, but let's really look at the situation.

The Facts

1. The girlfriend (the old lady) had already taken out an ad looking for someone
2. The girlfriend was looking for someone with "half a brain"
3. The girlfriend was looking for someone who like to "making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape"

The Conclusion

From these facts, we can conclude that either the girlfriend was already planning moving on or was consistently cheating on the boyfriend. She portrays him as an idiot, because she's only looking for someone with "half a brain". Also, she has already been out in the dunes of the cape, making love at midnight. And she likes it. It could be guessed, that since we know that both were in bed before midnight, that she waits until the boyfriend goes to sleep and sneaks out to meet her lover at the cape. The girlfriend is definitely the worst of the two at this point.

Now, they meet up at O'Malley's at noon, because they need to show up in the middle of the work day so that the other person doesn't know they are making a secret rendezvous. The boyfriend knows that O'Malley's is pretty much empty at noon, but this could be that he's just had lunch there and nothing bad about that knowledge. What we really want to focus on is the reaction from the boyfriend and the girlfriend. The boyfriend recognizes the girlfriend and she says "Oh, it's you", which could have been a sign of disappointment that she hasn't found herself another midnight lover. The boyfriend responds, after a little laughing, with "I never knew."

At this point, we would have to agree that the boyfriend has no brain. He had gotten board with his "old lady" and never found out that she liked Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, liked champagne or making love in the dunes at midnight. This could be either from his lack of communication with her or just his plain stupidity of not picking up the clues he was giving. However, his lack of asking or stupidity doesn't let her off the hook for slipping out on him to get lucky.

So, lady's, this time, the bad guy is the woman.

I was tired of my lady, we´d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me, and escape"

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody´s poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape"

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you"
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
You're the love that I´ve looked for, come with me, and escape"

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I'm the love that you've looked for, come with me, and escape"

~ Songwriter: Rupert Holmes

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Let the positive energy sing!

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