The Childhood Photo
Ah! Childhood photos can be so adorable! All dressed up and with a smile to greet you on an Easter Sunday. Don't I look sharp in from of Dad's car? Here is another photo, where I am posing outside grandma's house in my checkered shorts and red shirt. I am a little older, but still there is an innocence that is present. The old home is now gone.
Traumatized By Divorce
Sadly, innocence, like the old house, can be easily and quickly shattered. We see this with children who are put up for adoption, or are traumatized from divorce. Like a tender flower, they are hastily uprooted from mom and/or dad. During this time, they can develop abandonment issues and be colored by the bitterness of their parents. With separation, the photos suddenly instill new emotions. They may be feelings of longing, guilt, anger, tears and questions of why? As Dad holds a worn out photo of his son, he may wonder if he will ever see him again? A son or daughter may wonder the same, or may develop anger, as they wonder if that parent really cares.
We are reminded of these sad family stories in songs like Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle or Wayne Newton Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast Although they tear at the heart, there are those whose stories of separation and trauma are so much worse and preventable. But thanks to our government... the pain and trauma is accelerated.
Or Destroyed By The CPS
The picture gets even more distorted and heart-wrenching when the CPS is involved. Suddenly, the family photo albums only bring voiceless tears and endless emptiness that haunts the lives of families. Parents experience the feelings of death, as their little ones are stolen from them. They search for answers and justice but find neither.
Children may not have a physical picture of mom or dad in their possession, but they receive the sticking image of shattered innocence and dreams. They see the visual of a violent, apathetic world. They get the photo of life without mom or dad, without hugs or kisses and without any real balance or security.
Case workers have quotas and are rewarded with bonuses to stalk, steal and sell your children. They prey on families and the innocent. Through intimidation, manipulation and lies, they find their way into your home. Through surprise inspections and documentation, they maneuver to steal your little ones, Sadly, the justice system is rigged in favor of the CPS, with paid off judges and lawyers.
In place of the glue of family togetherness, we find the garbage left behind from the CPS. Long term emotional and psychological trauma develops. Nightmares and and numbness too. Pictures and conversations play like a tape stuck on repeat, haunting day and night, Anger, guilt, despair, depression, hopelessness and loneliness creep in.
The little ones are placed with strangers. Too often, they experience angry voices and violent hands, as they are shuffled from one foster home to another. Some may end up as runaways on the streets or behind bars, while others are trafficked for sex, pedophilia or even human sacrifices.
Is Never The Same
In rare instances, after years apart, some families may find a reunion, despite the laws of adoptions, divorce or the tyranny of the CPS. It can be awkward and weird, yet it can be highly emotional and even miraculous...when... and if It happens. How do you react after 20 years when you son or daughter looks you up? How will they say, think or expect? In some ways, time has created two strangers...yet. they are your flesh and blood. Are they looking you up out of curiosity, or do they want more? Do you want to relive those emotions again? And then, their is the child who is now an adult. What are their emotions or expectations?
You may have the waitress take a picture of the gathering if agreed upon, but how different and strange it is compared to that picture of long ago. What kind of Kodak moment do we call this?
Though I will never know the pain and hearts of those who chose to reunite. some may have good ending and some not. Some are able to start again with what years remain, while others are left with sadness of an isolated and peculiar visit of a stranger. I wish to share two stories.
The first is of a friend of mine, Merilee, who was contacted in a letter by her son. Years ago, she had put him up for adoption. Now, as an adult, he wanted to meet her. A date and time was scheduled. Offering emotional support, she and I traveled from Davenport to Newton. The two of them met and talked for awhile. I believe he was soon going to be a father. In time she received a letter, thanking her for meeting, but he was not planning to meet again. How sad. Most reunions do not live up to the Hollywood expectations that the movies portray.
Even When Reunions Foster Relationships
The second is of my own dad. My parents divorced when I was age four. I never saw my father again until I turned eighteen. When I was age twelve, he tried looking me up, without success. That spurred interest in meeting him. At the time, the Harry Chapin song, 'Cat's in the Cradle' was hot. Through my remaining school years I used my genealogical skills to find him.
When you comin home dad, I don't know when. But we'll have a good time then, son. You know we'll have a good time then.
I learned his mother was living 18 miles away from me. And on independence day I finally met him and his family. Over the next nineteen years we got together off and on. Though most of it was over dinner, the last five years we were closer, spending several vacations together at his home. He had hoped that his wife's family would embrace me as family. It never happened. He had wanted to leave me something when he died, it never happened. Sadly, his brother, sister and I were not allowed to go to his funeral.
Interestingly, I was not allowed to know him as a child. Because of the cigarette, I did not know him in what would have been his twilight years. And he was too busy making a living to develop the relationship for 14 of those 19 years, Only during retirement and my travel from Iowa to Virginia did I get a glimpse of what was once my dad,
And looking back... that truly good time never comes.
No matter how hard you try, you can never put that photo back together. Time, tears and trauma have done their handiwork. So too, divorces. And worse yet, the hell families endure from the filthy CPS. How do you tape the rips and tears of the heart? How do you recreate that smile?
Too many families face the CPS or divorce alone. Together, we can help them, and through our efforts, protect, prevent and even perhaps prevent the shattering of innocence and the tears of trauma.
Yet, We Can Protect Families
It is up to each of us to protect innocence and defend families. We can ease their pain, if or when the go through trauma. Pro-family groups are working together to educated, support and promote family rights and values. Working as a friend, they work to keep families together. They are a voice for them against the evil deeds of the CPS. I think of @familyprotection here, who tirelessly endeavors to help the hurting parent or stolen child. I encourage you to support those who strive to preserve and protect our families.
And Together Preserve Innocence
