The Adventures Of Barnabas Mud, pt 1

Hey Dudes,
This is a little story that I wrote a while ago. I haven't really been tuning in to steemit so much, so i'm sorry if I haven't followed you yet. Anywho, this story is for kids, as you can tell from the humor and silliness. But then again, its always nice to be a kid again, right?

So sit back and enjoy it- i made it just for you.

The Adventures Of Barnabas Mud
Written By Ethan Winn

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Long, long ago, In what is now Germany, there was an amazing King with the name of Heimlich. Descended from the Royal family (now known today as the Mememes), he served as an amazing monarch and brought upon his kingdom a time of prosperity. Unfortunately, this time of prosperity was interrupted by a great war between the great Wizard Tarlune and the kingdom of Meinach (King Mememe’s Kingdom). One day when his palace was being attacked, he had almost lost the fight. But just when times seemed worst, three legendary heroes came and completely stopped the siege.
When the king heard this, he was overjoyed. He wanted the three heroes to visit his kingdom so he could thank them. When they finally arrived, he told them, “My three brave men, you have saved us all! What are you names?”
The first hero stood up. He was slim, lanky, and had hair that was naturally soft. He said, “I am Cameron the Quick.”
The second hero looked up to the king. He was big, bulky, and had a silly grin on his face. He had an axe with a big blade. He stood and said, “I am Sylvester the Mighty.”
The third savior hero got up from her kneeling position. Her face was beautiful, her hair a deep brown, and her smile lit up the room. She said, “I am Maylin the Magical, but you can call me May.”
The king thanked his new friends tremendously, and after, he asked if they would help him win the war in exchange for immediate knighthood after and eternal friendship. They agreed, and three months later, the king and his army emerged victorious.
Ten years passed. The Kingdom of Meinach became the capital kingdom of Germany. At that time, the king had married and had a sweet girl, whom he named Abbi. His new wife, an Episcopalian Saint named Jordan, died in childbirth, which made the king very depressed. Because of this, he was not such a great ruler, and he began to make poor choices. One of them was the knighthood of the hero of our story, Sir Barnabas Mud.
Mud was not a very good knight. He was one of the worst, actually. He had heard tales of the three legendary warriors (who, after the war, were called The Three). He was not as strong as Sylvester, was not as fast and accurate as Cameron, and he wasn’t good at magic or charming like Maylin. The only thing he was good at was dancing, which he did as a last resort in the most helpless situations.
King Mememe the 79th was not amused. For one thing, he hated how ridiculous Sir Mud acted on his quests. He was also mad because his beloved daughter, Abbi of saint Jordan, was captured by the new and effective Dread Pirate Karl.
When all his other knights failed to return, he had sent over The Three to take out the annoying pirate, but they too disappeared. It was just not his year.
Of course, all the knights had disappeared, except for Mud. Rather than recruit new ones (Which took a long time), the king decided to give Mud a shot. He called him up to his throne room and said, “Mud, I’m not kidding - I hate your guts. I hate your slowness, your might, heck, even your dancing annoys me. But all my other knights have gone missing, so you must find them.”
“Most importantly… DO NOT DANCE. Oh, and take a trip to the royale witches before you do.”
So a slightly miffed Mud went to the royale witches, Wanda and Sophie. They were both excellent at their craft but extremely different at heart. Sophie was very disciplined, dedicated, and sort of shy, whereas Wanda was super lenient, had other hobbies, and could talk to practically anyone. The two lived in a rather small turret the king had made for them.
Wanda was the first person to see Mud when he walked in. “OMG, are you sir Barnabas Mud? I've heard all about you! I would say all good things, but... Really, they aren’t.”
“WANDA!!!” yelled Sophie when she came through the door. “I'm so sorry, Barnabas. We've just graduated from Hogwarts and she's still in the ‘Partying Teenager’ phase.”
“I quite understand,” said Barnabas. “And you can call me Barney.”
Wanda looked at him and said, “Okay, Barney, king Mememe told us you were coming. We’ve talked it over, and there’s good news and bad news.”
“Let’s start with the bad news, then,” said Barney.
“Okay, so the bad news is that no matter how hard you train, there is absolutely no way you can defeat Dread Pirate Karl or his men.” Sophie said, bracing herself.
“Oh, that’s okay, I can deal with that. No way to win. WHAT’S THE GOOD NEWS?!?!?!?” He shouted.
“Well, the good news is that we’ve developed 3 potions for you to get past the three men,” Wanda said. “We have looked far into the future, but we couldn’t see how Karl gets defeated. We just know that if we give you these, you’ll have a good chance.” She handed three potions to Barney: one looked like a silver liquid, one was ruby red, and one had surface texture like a pearl. “Sophie will explain what these do. I wasn’t really paying attention. All I remember is that they give you temporary magic powers.”
Sophie rolled her eyes at Wanda. Then, she turned to Barney. “One of Karl’s minions will challenge you to a contest of strength, log chopping, specifically. This silver one, with the right magic words, will make it so you are stronger than him.” She then took out the pearl substance. “The second minion is a trained marksman and will challenge you to an apple on the head contest. Again, with some magic words, you will win the contest.” She then pulled out the third potion, which had the red liquid in it. “And this last one will make you more attractive than the third minion, which, disturbingly, is the last challenge.” She sat down. “Anything could happen after that with Karl. Your first challengers await you in the forest.”
“But what are the magic words?” Barney asked.
“They will come to you naturally,” Wanda said. “Best of luck.”
Barney, who was feeling less like a hero by the minute, journeyed into the forest. The king had taken his horse long ago, so it was a very long journey. It wasn’t long before he saw the first tree chopping challenger. Something seemed familiar about him.