I SDOULD STOP

All my life I have been groomed to please society… to make family proud… to do the traditions and the doctrines of the religious sect and to swallow my own taste, I have watched people, motivate and encourage people to do what makes them happy , live their own life and I laugh at them all the time because they do not understand what it means not to have the backing of the society, or that of even family or friends one person must at least support u, isn’t it? Good for you… have u ever thought of how your life would be if you had none?… none at all? You can imagine it but surely do not totally understand, for 25years of my existence I had a world of my own I wanted to live but I couldn’t because it wasn’t society’s standard “this is your fifth time writing jamb, are u that dumb?” my younger brother’s poem and writings was always better my crafting was useless to everyone around , especially as a girl child studying law was the way to life but I was never lucky to get a chance into that way of life several times I rebelled and cried, ran away from home , listened motivational speech etc. my own way of shouting at the society to stop but their ears were to busy hearing “such a fine engineer” than to hear my noise making, the pastor preached and warned to be obedient, mama helped cleaned my wounds but she didn’t realize that not all wounds would get healed by bandage my true friends warmed me up by showing love and always encouraging me with the “never give up” slang but they soon left for youth service, another standard of the society and left me feeling useless again. I wanted to try again, but the society never stopped pushing another standard of my being too old, I should be married by now. I was an adult, so this time I shouted STOP but they reminded me of how the society groomed me and of how I owe them my existence my crafts were beautiful but there was hunger , health, safety, spirituality, fun a and other things in the land to think of than arts mama was happy that I finally picked trading but deep down her eyes, despite her love I saw the “i am not proud of what you have become” and so, I ended it all. Since I couldn’t meet u to their standard. I took my soul away. Did what they call suicide and now every one is sad, with tears and some with blames at how stupid I was to commit suicide but what they don’t realize is that it wasn’t suicide it was murder… they killed me with their words, looks and condemnation and they never listened when I shouted STOP.