It is indescribable that feeling that fills you inside, that desolation that takes you away from the world and introduces you to a much deeper reality, when you have to face your fears and know that you are not prepared. There is a virtue that not everybody have and is share by a a few, is the ability to be alien to fear and not suffer any phobia, which seems to be a great achievement, but in reality all this is in vain, in the deepest we all have some fear and, the deeper it is, the greater the agony it causes; Oh! fence agony I suffered that day in which I realized that it was what I feared the most.

The waiting room moved with great speed, everyone has something to do and everyone has priority, that day I do not know how much time I spent there, it certainly could be 3 hours but they felt like 7, in the course of that time the only thing that could To do was to observe around me and detail precisely that terrible moment, mark it in my memory as a memory that tortures me in my most disturbing dreams. Each one focused on their problems; Each one carried his suffering, in that reality of grief that we masked most of the time I could only observe how in that obvious disorder there was a macabre cyclic development of the most terrible diseases, of a constant struggle to heal them and a constant struggle for live ... will it be my turn to enter that scourge?, oh no, not today, it can't be today.

The doctors moved from office to office, the emergency room was at its peak and the specialists had more work than ever, I felt at that moment a new sensation that I did not like, an inexplicable anxiety that made me tremble and controlled my thinking guiding them in pro of the most negative, I just thought: no, not today, it can't be today. With great difficulty I took enough time to get up and go for a walk, but the constant thought of what was behind me made me feel worse, the night fell on the city bringing with it a darkness that did nothing but contrast with my I was developing, my senses betrayed me, I could not find a way to keep that feeling so empty, that absurd thought that tormented me so much and made me repeat: no, not today, it can't be today ...

The door opened and closed constantly, the desire to enter it made my pulse quicken and filled me with anger, I could not stand it much longer, I had to enter; but fortunately the doctor who attended us came out and approached us.

-What happened?-. The words almost did not come out, I felt imprisoned, I rubbed my face with a disguised despair.

-We'll deliver results, I'm on my way to talk to the specialist-. Said the man following his path.

I began to feel then that my agony would end soon, oh! How could I err in that way? the more time passed, the dark dance of thoughts that whispered bad premonitions, that malicious song of pain that made me recognize my sensation and put me on earth to face my lamentable reality, I was afraid, I was really scared, it was a felling very superior to that of a phobia, a deep fear that destroys you from your consciousness and attacks you like a drill in the temple, oh! that explosion of horror in the stomach, oh! that horrible tingling in the nape, then with great irrationality I changed my mind in an instant, I did not want the doctor to come, I did not want him to give me bad news, no, not today, it can't be today. I closed my eyes in an absurd attempt to wake up when I opened them again, to lie in my bed, oblivious to what was happening and that this exasperating nightmare, with which infamy made me wait in this way, did they want to drive me mad? , I wanted to teach everything around me but I just thought and kept quiet, tried to appear calm, shouted inside sitting on that bench, trying to end with such a heartbreaking feeling, all I could do was repeat myself constantly: No, not today, it can't be today.

I opened and closed my eyes, I put my hands to my face to plunge into the darkness that gave me and away from this world for a moment, then when I looked forward I saw the horror in an image, I felt that terrible sensation suppressed to give step to a nervousness beyond the comprehensible, that moment that I feared so much had already arrived, no, not today, it can not be today. I took courage to look at the doctor to the face, it was not exactly an expression of calm, I stood up to ask the question and reciting the question I thought in the deepest: no, not today, can not be today. The doctor answered me and with all the possible resignation I accepted his words, words that hit me like a freight train ... Yes, if it was today, the day had arrived, the horror of my nightmares was now the absolute reality, that deep fear now he stands in front of me, feeling the memories of a lifetime stirring in my mind, that fear of losing a past without being able to build a future; that fear of a disease that does not forgive, that destroys more than just the body, that takes away your hope and ends with what little you have; that fear that you run out of time; that fear of losing a loved one.

Thanks for reading. ¡greetings and a great hug!