My Experiences with Sexual Abuse

Please take the time to read this, I want to talk about something serious today. I want to share, with you, my experience as a child on this issue. Rape and sexual abuse.
My mother was very abusive, physically and verbally, and I came out to her about one thing (out of many) that had happened to me and she told me I was lying. I never told her about my experience being raped because she'd never have believed me. When I was younger and talking to a doctor that asked me if I had been sexually abused, my mother gave me a look, as if not to answer and she spoke for me, telling the doctor "no". When she knew the opposite. When it was actually happening, my mother was in the other room, passed out from drinking. The guy had a pillow over my face and had already hit me from making too much noise. What was I supposed to do? I was around the age of 9. After, I went into my mother's room and lied on the floor and cried until I could fall asleep. He told me if I told her, he would hurt me so I never told anyone until years later. Things happened to me so much (sexual abuse) as a child that I thought it was normal. It's normal that my cousin wants me to sleep next to him as he gropes me 'in his sleep.' It's normal that my neighbor keeps putting his hand up my shirt. It's normal that my step dad's uncle wants me to take my shirt off and change my clothes in front of him. It's normal that my step dad's brother wakes me up early to masturbate to me on the couch.

But I know now, it's not normal and it never was. I was just too afraid to say anything out of fear that nobody would believe me. If my own mother didn't, why would anyone else?

What I hate most are the people who are like, "well why didn't you tell someone or call the police?" It sucks being in the shoes of someone who’s been through those things and seeing others get patronized for the way they reacted to it happening or, better yet, their lack of reaction. I don't blame others for not telling someone because I know how it is to be in that situation. I know I freeze in situations like those. I can't think right and I can't speak. I just sit there and let it happen, and I know that sounds like I'm "asking for it" or whatever, but I can't control it. And even so, what if the person you tell doesn't believe you? There is almost always complicated reasons why someone won't come out right then and there, whether it's out of fear, uncertainty or shame.

They already went through such a horrific experience, please try not to make it worse by making them feel invalidated for not telling someone as soon as it happened.

Thanks for listening to me rant and share my experiences with you all.