从前，看着身边的朋友失恋难受痛苦的样子，我都不知道为什么他们为什么那么矫情？特别是大学时以为我很喜欢的男神，他失恋的时候，难过伤心，打电话给女生朋友哭诉，蒙在被子上哭，天知道他已经是名20岁的大男生了呀，会打电话发信息求挽留，会去那位女生宿舍楼下一直等待，会害怕听到她的消息，看她远远走来会惊慌失措的逃跑。那时候我一直都不懂，男神为什么那么矫情。
然后现在轮到自己了，一月份分手的，杰伦《等你下课》的发布，我们分手了。一直以为那是假性分手，两天后的一大早，洗头换衣服化妆，没吃早餐坐了一个半钟的公交车去找他复合。打开他租房的第一眼，阳台上晾着的bra、密封箱子里打包的整齐的我的衣服，崭新的避孕套。瞬间心如刀割，打电话质问他的实话他承认了是新女友。想逃跑想离开，颤抖着叫朋友接我，眼泪多到看不清眼前的路，手机摔坏了人也摔了一跤。残忍的是ex还要回个电话要求见面，自然我不同意呀挂了，但他一直打来甚至说那是骗我的我看到的不是真的避孕套是没用过的，傻傻的信了见面后，却说是真的，说她很懂他，对他好，然后开始指责我过去多么的不好多么的过分。听完后又坐了一个半小时的公交车回去，来时带着期待的美好，回时哭成狗。
回到家后，打电话和ex妈妈哭诉（事后蛮后悔的，不应该让她担心的），和ex妈妈两个人一起哭的很厉害，他妈妈说她好喜欢我知道我的为人知道我也有懂事的一面很希望我们能结婚希望以后还有缘分等，两个人都，哭的很厉害。当晚失眠了，第二天还要继续兼职，可是工作状态真的是没有的，中午实在忍不住打电话给他，因为觉得好无助。电话里的他很温柔，但也温柔的说着我以前对他不好的事情，听得我又一次难过，挂电话时他突然提了复合？我很开心的，感觉如果他在我面前的话估计我会像小狗一样向他奔去吧。然后下午，就一直在想，虽然他和别的女生搞在一起了，但我不介意，未来那么长那么多烦恼要面对，这些算什么呢。又一次带着期待的美好等来了晚上的电话，电话了他哭了，说只想两个都不想选只想赚钱给家人，问我会不会等他？即使我说我不在他和那位女生，他也说我一定会在意，中间穿插的自然又是我过去多么多么的不好。问他是不是对我死心了，是，恩，受到伤害了，挂了。
开始接受，删照片，删日记，删微信qq，删电话，连微博网易云ins都不再关注和移除。每一步，都需要逼着自己，都需要回忆一次需要流大缸大缸的眼泪才把这些删完。找朋友，大吵大闹；失眠；生病；12个半小时的工作；暴瘦；责备自己；懊悔过去；总想着“如果那时候我不那样做或是我那样做结局就不会这样了”；对什么都不感兴趣了呀，每一天最恐怖的事情就是睁开眼睛的那一刻，心空的厉害，痛的可怕。直至今天，仍会。
大约隔了两个星期，他电话来信息来问我为什么拉黑他还想不想他，说梦到了我说想复合但放弃了，说要当面还租房里遗留的衣服给我，说他的同学结婚了问我要不要去。这样的举动，让我胡思乱想最后电话问他的时候，确实说那些电话和信息都是单纯的想把衣服还给我，说没有复合的意思说现任对他很好很懂他会买衣服送给他。恩，再次一个伤害，挂了。迎来了痛苦的一个新年。
会看书会画画会练字会看电视刷知乎转移注意力，但每一天仍然慢的惊人，愚蠢的我还会奸视他的微博，女人的第六感，蛛丝马迹后发现了他的现任竟是半年前被我捉到的和他聊天聊得很暧昧的女人，闹脾气时还说是他的同学有忧郁症等等，我选择了相信。此后，想玩他的手机时他都不大乐意，闹脾气，他还是不愿意说手机里没有什么，其实“有呀，比如你下一个女朋友”。明白过后一切都那么的顺理成章，一直傻傻的以为真的可以一分手立刻会认识一个懂事的女朋友，原来是早就认识了。估计是吵架后现任的安慰，让他受伤的心理得到了安抚，所以才那么快的在一起，那么决绝的对我死心，因为有下一个了呀。世界上千千万万人，总有下一个心动的对象。
曾经ex说他很害怕失去我，那时候不懂怎么做，以为不跟男生出去玩，一放假就找她，一起同居，一直陪着他他就会明白我真的爱他。却没想到最后不要我的是他，还好被绿的那个是我？如果是我说分手后立刻和别的男生在一起，那么害怕失去我的他会多么的难受？所以这是惩罚吗？是我平时太作是我不体贴不温柔，是我出口伤人，所以现在要承受这失恋的痛。
我的恋爱经历很少，遇到ex前，谈过两次但都是在初中青春期间都是短短一个月就莫名其妙的分了没什么感觉。高中很认真上学呀，所以一直到大二才遇到他，自然满腔热血，大量投入。或许不会爱吧，总是爱发脾气，他也总是会哄我。曾经很害怕因为发脾气失去他就跟他说，希望你都能一直哄我，因为我很好哄的绝不超过一天，希望他能像张智霖那样一直哄着。他答应了，但他没有做到。
在一起差不多两年，当越来越懂得自己曾经经常闹脾气是不好，当越来越想换一种方式重新爱他时，吵架了，一件小事，但我仍然没控制我的嘴，言辞过分，他爆发了他忍受不住了。无论后面怎么解释他都不听，在他的印象里，我特别差 特别坏。那时候痛苦到好想把我的心挖出来展示在他的眼前，让他相信我，但真的，无论怎么解释，他都不听，毕竟，死心了。
就因为两个微信表情他说我喜欢他的邻居，天知道我根本就对他的邻居一点感觉都没有不然两年前为什么是跟你在一起而不是邻居呢；说我吐槽他的头发衣服裤子和鞋子，可是你明明不做满是玉米棒的发型会比较好看，明明你穿纯色衣服比杂七杂八颜色混在一起的衣服好看，明明你穿窄脚裤我只是怕闷到你的生殖器官而已，明明只是说有一双鞋子不好看其他的的穿的好看的鞋子我都会大力表扬。但没用，印象里都是我吐槽的话，印象里的我的表现让你觉得没有自己没有尊严，表扬的、支持的、肯定的都忘记了。说你没有父亲还要拉着你看爸爸去哪，说你不喜欢聊天发“呵呵”虽然我表面说不好但私底下我真的没说过了呀。你说你想要默默支持你的女孩，在你没经济能力的时候仍支持你看Jay的演唱会不算吗？陪着你住着窄小的租房、洗电热丝，盖有臭味的被子，穿你破烂的睡衣都不介意这些不算吗？愿意一起吃苦创造未来这些不算吗？你说总在挑战你的底线，可是你都不说出来，我怎么知道呢？我怎么知道你的底线那么小，说“呵呵”就是触犯了，吐槽你就是触犯了，看爸爸去哪就是触犯了，闹脾气就是触犯了。终于你爆发了，我懂了，明白自己平时很多地方做的不好，但为什么不肯给我一个改的机会？为什么这么快就投入她人的怀抱？说不爱就可以不爱了吗。平时吵架时我也想分手，可总想着人都会犯错所以你会改的所以总是坚持下去。但你却一点都不相信我会改，一次机会都不愿意给。
或许抗压能力太弱了吧，这对我来说好大的打击好大伤害好残忍。一直以为未来我们分手的原因会是家庭的或社会的压力，却没想到是一个这样的结局，分个手都分得那么恶心。早知道这样，那么最后悔的不是爱过他，而是认识他呢。
不知道该怎么定位他，爱得起却恨不起的我，他心里想的我那么十恶不赦，他觉得摆脱我是非常正确的，那么快有了新欢也是正确的。可是一段感情的失败不是双方都有责任的吗？为什么他可以那么心安理得的与现任在一起？
痛过后知道自己确实有些地方需要改正，可是，我真的，那么坏那么过分吗？为什么那么不相信我？为什么一次改过的机会都不给？我真的不值得被你理解包容吗？对我连起码的忠诚和责任都没有吗？怎么可以那么不尊重我不尊重这份感情？
说不爱就不爱了吗？说放下就放下了吗？
你们男生的，心，真的好狠呀？看完的人会想知道我那位痴情的男神大人吗。
失恋后他健身，篮球，186的身高本来就很帅，现在更成熟更迷人了。
他的家人还送了一辆豪车给他。
昨天发消息说他交了新女友了，说生活没有谁过不去，为他开心。
也许时间是一种解药，各自安好吧！
我就是说不爱就不爱了 如果对方伤害过我 我不会给他改过的机会 因为被伤害时没有爱 只有恨。我不觉得我狠 对方伤害我时 知不知道我会痛 咱俩到底谁狠！
Once upon a time, looking at the friends around the unhappy painful look, I do not know why they are so hypocritical? Especially when I was in college, I thought I was very fond of God, when he was in love, sad sad, call the girl friend cry, Meng quilt cry, God knows he is already a 20-year-old big boy, will call Information seeking retention, will go to the girl dormitory downstairs has been waiting, will be afraid to hear her news, to see her far away will panic to escape. At that time, I never knew why the goddess was so hypocritical.
And now it's my turn, breaking up in January, Jayon "waiting for you to get out of class" release, we broke up. Always thought it was a pseudo-break up, two days later in the morning, shampoo change clothes make-up, did not eat breakfast sit for a minute and a half bus to find him compound. Open the first glance of his rented room, the bra hanging on the veranda, the tidy my clothes sealed in a box, the brand new condom. Instant heart cut, call to ask him the truth he admitted to be a new girlfriend. Want to escape to leave, shivering called a friend pick me up, tears can not see the road in front of more, the phone broke the people fell. Cruel ex is also a call back to meet, of course I do not agree ah hang, but he always called or even said that I was lying to me is not really condoms are used, silly After I had a letter, I said it was true, saying she knows him well, treats him well, and starts to accuse me of how bad I am in the past. After listening to sit back an hour and a half bus to come with the look forward to the good, crying back into a dog.
After returning home, call and ex mom cry (after regret, should not let her worry), and ex mom cried two people together, his mother said she likes I know my man knows I have sensible I hope we marry the hope there are fate, etc., both of them, crying very powerful. Insomnia that night, but also continue to part-time the next day, but the working condition is really noon, can not help but call him at noon, because I feel helpless. He was gentle on the phone, but he said softly about what I had done to him before. He heard I was sad again. Did he mention the compound suddenly while hanging up? I am very happy, I feel if he is in front of me, I guess I will run to him like a dog. Then in the afternoon, I kept thinking that although he was engaged with other girls, I did not mind what I had to face in the future so long as so many troubles. Once again with the beauty of waiting for the night to the phone, the phone he cried, saying that just want to choose both do not want to just want to make money to his family, I will not wait for him? Even if I said I was not with him and the girl, he also said that I would have taken care of it. The natural interspersed was how bad I was. Ask him if he gave up on me, yes, huh, huh, hung up.
Begin to accept, delete photos, delete journals, delete micro-channel qq, delete the phone, even the micro-blog Netease cloud ins are no longer concerned and removed. Each step, you need to force yourself, need to recall once the need to shed tears in the cylinder tank to delete these. Looking for friends, quarreling; insomnia; getting sick; 12 and a half hours of work; raging; blaming yourself; regretting the past; always thinking "If I did not do that then or I would not do that ending No interest in anything, the most horrible thing every day is the moment opened his eyes, powerful heart, terrible pain. Still today
About two weeks later, he called to ask me why he was black. He still wanted to miss him. When he said he wanted to compound but gave up, he said he wanted to renovate the clothes left in his room and say to his classmates Married asked if I want to go. Such a move, let me cranky when the last call asked him, really said that the phone and the message are simply want to return the clothes to me, that there is no composite meaning of the incumbent of him well know he will buy clothes to give he. Well, once again hurt, hung up. Ushered in a painful new year.
Will read a book will draw will practice reading brush will know the transfer of attention, but every day is still slow amazing, stupid I will rape his microblogging, a woman's sixth sense, clues found his The incumbent was actually six months ago I was caught chatting with him very ambiguous woman, temper, said his classmates have depression, etc., I chose to believe. Since then, want to play with his cell phone when he was not happy, frustrated, he still did not want to say nothing in the phone, in fact, "yes, for example, your next girlfriend." Understand everything after so logical, has been silly thought it can really break up immediately know a sensible girlfriend, turned out to have long been known. It is estimated that after the quarrel of the current comfort, so that his psychological injury has been comforted, so fast together, so determined to give up on me, because there is the next one. Thousands of people in the world, there is always the next heart of the object.
Once said he was very afraid of losing me, then do not understand how to do that do not think they go out to play with boys, a holiday to find her, living together, has been with him he will understand that I really love him. But did not think of the last do not want me to be him, but fortunately the one that is green is me? If I say immediately after breaking up and other boys together, so afraid of losing me how uncomfortable? So is this punishment? It is my usual overwork is not gentle and gentle, is my wounding, so now have to bear the pain of this broken heart.
I have very little love experience, met ex before, talked about twice, but both during junior high school are just a few months on the inexplicable points no feeling. High school is very serious to go to school, so until the sophomore met him, naturally filled with blood, a lot of input. May not love it, always love temper, he will always coax me. I was very scared of losing his temper, he told him, I hope you have been coaxing me, because I am well coaxed by no more than a day, I hope he can be like Zhang Zhilin has been coaxing. He promised, but he did not do it.
Almost two years together, when more and more know that I have often temper is not good, when more and more want to change a way to love him again, quarrel, a trifle, but I still did not control my mouth, Excessive rhetoric, he broke he could not stand it. No matter how he explained later he did not listen, in his impression, I am particularly bad and particularly bad. At that time painful enough to dig my heart to show in his eyes, let him believe me, but really, no matter how explained, he did not listen, after all, give up.
Because two WeChat expressions he said I like his neighbors, God knows I just did not feel at all about his neighbor Neither was it with you two years ago, rather than a neighbor? Say I Tucao his hair clothes pants and Shoes, but you obviously do not be full of corn cob hairstyle will look better, obviously you wear solid clothes mixed with different colors of clothes look good, obviously you wear narrow pants I just afraid of bored to your genitals, obviously just Say a pair of shoes do not look good to wear other good shoes, I will be highly praised. But useless, the impression is that I am Tucao words, my impression in the impression that you do not have no dignity, praise, support, and certainly have forgotten. Say you do not have a father but also took you to see where my dad went, saying you do not like chatting hair "Oh" Although I did not say it, but privately I really did not say it. You said you want to silently support your girl, you are still financially supportive you see Jay's concert is not it? Stay with you small rental, electric heating wire, covered with stained quilt, wear your tattered pajamas do not mind these are not it? Willing to work hard to create the future these are not? You say you always challenge your bottom line, but you do not say it, how do I know? How do I know your bottom line is so small that "Oh" is offended, Tucao you are offended, to see where my father is offended, and temper is offended. Finally you broke out, I understand, understand that I usually do a lot of bad places, but why not give me a chance to change? Why so quickly into her arms? Do not love that you can not love it. I usually want to break up when quarrel, but always think people will make mistakes so you will change so always stick to it. But you do not believe that I will change at a chance are not willing to give.
Maybe the compressive strength is too weak, which is a big blow to me. It has always been our view that the reason for our breakup in the future will be family or social pressure but we did not expect such an outcome. Had known this, then the last regret is not loved him, but know him yet.
I do not know how to locate him, but I can not afford to love, his heart I think so heinous, he felt it is very correct to get rid of me, so soon with a new love is correct. However, the failure of a relationship is not responsible for both sides do? Why is he so safe and confident with the incumbent?
Knowing that I really did need some correction after a pain, but I really, so bad so much? Why do not you believe me? Why do not give a chance to change? I really do not deserve your understanding tolerance? Is there any loyalty and responsibility to me? How can I disrespect this emotion?
Do not love if you do not love it? Put it down and put it down?
Your boys, heart, really harsh ah? After reading the people would like to know my infatuation god man adults.
After losing his fitness, basketball, 186's height is already handsome, and now more mature and more charming.
His family also gave him a luxury car.
Yesterday sent a message saying that he handed over a new girlfriend, and said no one lives in life, happy for him.
Maybe time is an antidote, each of them well!
I just said that if you do not love, you do not love. If I hurt each other, I will not give him the opportunity to change because there is no love when hurt. I do not think I hurt each other hurt me know I do not know if I hurt us in the end who ruthless!