Mar 09, 2017 5:43am
I haven't put any #OsamaBinDrankin stories up lately. I was taking some advice, and started hoarding some. This is an old one....
This is probably the weirdest s#it that has ever happened to me…..bar none. I can only tell this story one way, and unfortunately, there may be some cussing. Stop now if this offends you. If I was to edit this story, it would take away from the experience.
Well, dammit, I’m back at the spot. I’m at the bar that I’ve been avoiding. I’ve taken time off from visiting, because of the crazy s#it that happens from time to time. I have this thing about going to bars. I hate being the only sober guy.
This is my routine, when it comes to bars: I leave work late, and I show up late to the bar. I have my “two and two” (two beers, and two shots), and I bounce. That’s my thing. It’s like MFing clockwork. I’m consistent.
I show up that night, even after having a bad feeling about going there. My gut never lies to me. I didn’t really want to go here......
Anyway, I’m there, and I’m the most sober person in the building. When you are sober, you are a target to drunkards. 2 minutes into my 4 drink binge, a guy sits down next to me. I will not make this racial, nor reveal his ethnicity, but he reminded me of Tony Hawk; 6’6”, 150lbs…..a tall lanky MFer.
So…..”Tony Hawk” sat next to me. His reason for sitting down next to me was because he saw my 5.11 Tactical jacket; killer gear, I know.
His pops was military. My pops was military. My Grandpappy was military. We hit it off.
This is where all of the s#it started going downhill.
He bought me a drink.
Matter of fact, he paid for all of my drinks (2 and 2, and maybe 3 or 5 more. I don’t know. I wasn’t counting dammit). He did this because of my service. I don’t normally allow people to pay for things based soley upon my military service, but the guy was nice, and I had a long week.
I have a few rules when it comes to people buying me drinks based off of my service. #1 I tell them it’s not necessary. I’m a grown ass man. I can buy my own drinks. #2 I really don’t want to be obligated to speak to you after said purchased drinks. (I can empathize with females now). There is no #3.
I broke all rules. I said, “Yeah, it’s cool if you buy me a drink”, and I opted to speak to his ass.
He jumps right into military s#it. His father was Airforce. My pops was Airforce. He wanted to join, but for whatever reason (flat feet, I don’t know) he couldn’t join.
He’s showing me pictures of his gun collection. I show him my collection/arsenal. Everything is everything. We’re just two guys at the bar talking about man s#it.
Meanwhile, I haven’t been outside on the patio. I usually go there between my two rounds. Tony is distracting me. I’m not making my usual walkthrough. I like to case the joint, and make sure I see everyone in the building, then I go to my corner and watch everyone……everyone.
I’m trying to devise a way to get away from this MFer, because he's screwing up my routine.
Midway into our conversation, a female shows up, grabs my arm, and says, “Did you see that fight that just happened outside? Some MFer got hit with a glass, and got KTFO.”
I didn’t pay attention to it at the time. Tony had me distracted.
Tony Hawk, and myself had already been talking about Concealed Carry. His drunk ass assumed that I was carrying a weapon in a bar. By law, I cannot do that (51/50 rule), but I got such a weird vibe off of him, that I didn’t confirm nor deny that I was carrying. Tony squints his eyes. He says, "I know you have it on you....right pocket." I didn't have s#it.
Things started feeling weird. I finally told him, “I appreciate the drinks. Look, I gotta go outside. I need to smoke, and I need to check on my boy. I gotta go.”
I get outside. I learn who the individual was that got hit with a bottle. He was the first person I met here….cool dude. I’m a little hot about the s#it, because Tony held me up. I probably would have been outside during everything, but I was preoccupied with this MFer.
So I step outside of the bar area, and I start texting/calling my boy.
Tony jumps the gate, clips his feet on the banister, and busts his ass. He bounces up and says, (in the most serial killer voice) “I know what you’re about to do. I wanna be there for it.”
Me: “Uuuuh……I’m just calling my boy to make sure he’s ok.”
Tony: “Just come to my truck. I got some s#it for these niccas.”
Tony has my gun collection in his truck. Not my actual gun collection, but if you could picture the amount of guns I actually own.....he had that same amount in his vehicle. Think on that for a minute.
Me: “Tony, you need to chill the f#ck out!”
This dude Tony thought I was on some Covert Special Ops s#it…..based upon my 5.11 jacket, and the fact I was dressed in all black. I bought that damn jacket for $25 from the Kurds. "This jacket ain't s#it Tony!"
I say, “Tony, I’m out this MFer. I have s#it to do.” Tony says, “Cool, I got your back!”
I say, “Noooooo, Tony! I’m seriously just going home!”
Tony says, “Ok.” (In his serial killer voice.)
In the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “I have seriously ran into a true killer.”
I can look at a person......
I won’t go into great detail, but I can look at a person and tell. This dude was either a killer, or was very close.I don’t want this MFer around me.
I made up an excuse, and drive away. I bust a couple lefts, and a couple rights……I notice headlights behind me. Tony is following my ass. WTF!
It’s now beyond just a strange guy I met at the bar. It’s now beyond me getting a bad vibe. It’s now beyond me getting the feeling that he was an actual killer.
So, I have a choice to make. I’m actually headed to my house. I’m one block from my crib. My family is there. Either the dude follows me to my house and I confront him, or I confront him now.
I slam the breaks, grab my weapon from the glovebox, tuck it, and walk to his vehicle. “Tony! You need to take your ass to the house!”
After a little back and forth, he finally decides to leave.
I couldn’t help but think that maybe he still followed me home, so I stayed up until 7am waiting on this MFer. You can’t be too careful nowadays. Lol
Glock was out. Sig was out. AR was out. AK was out. Mossberg was out. I was over here wishing, and didn't know what weapon to choose.
He never showed up………………..
......but I ran into his ass again tonight.
Tony said, “Hey man, that’s a nice jacket.”