So I woke up in rather as shit way this morning.

So I woke up in rather a shit way this morning.

First, I awoke to the smells of breakfast (not lunch) food being cooked and coffee being brewed...so already I knew it was too early.

But also, WHAT awoke me was worse--a loud banging on my bedroom window.

rattle rattle!! "MARCUS!!" "MARCUS!!" rattle rattle* (side note: my name is Marshall, not Marcus.)

It was my neighbor---Paige. ( a 60 year old black woman retired from a life long government desk job... and now bored to shit. )

"uh..yeah?" (i don't tell her my name is Marshall. Its not because i'm a bitch or anything, which i guess is something only a bitch would say...but anyway, the reason I don't tell her my name is Marshall is because the first couple times she had ever called me Marcus, I let it go thinking she'd just made a mistake. Then she called me it again--and I told her it wasn't my name but she didn't hear me. When she called me Marcus for the fourth or fifth time, I was about to tell her that wasn't my name, but then she asked "Whats your roommates name? I always forget his name, I know yours, its Marcus! But whats his name again?"....you should've seen her face. Her smile. She was so confident. So absolutely sure of my name. So proud that she knew my name. Marcus. So...fuck it. I mean for fucks sake she had already called me it a few times before that, so what am I gonna do?---tell her that isn't my name NOW? After I've let her call me it on three previous occasions? And make myself look like a bitch? I mean what kind of man tells someone who has been calling them an incorrect name, that in fact that isn't his name ONLY after he has let them call him that name not once, not twice, but THREE times already. NO man at all--that's what kind. So yeah i'm going to let my 60 year old neighbor keep calling me Marcus. judge me. I don't care. Fuck you. Anyways...back to the story.

"Hey! I got a package for you!" (she picks up my packages on my door step so nobody steals them. nice i guess.)

"Yeah I got the note you left on my door last night." (what makes this woman think its okay to wake me up at 7:30am to yell into my bedroom window that I have a package?)

"Open your back door and I'll give it to you!"

"Okay." (Alright Marshall, this is it. Let her have it. Just tell her that its fucking rude as hell to wake someone up in the fashion she just did. That's not okay and will most certainly not be tolerated. You gotta stand up.)

knock knock on my back door

I open it.

"Yeah so you got my note yeah?"

"Oh yeah. Definitely got the note. I was just sleeping you know."

"Yeah I figured. Here you go." hands me my package

"Thanks." (Oh you figured huh? Am i being delivered a bomb that can only be deactivated by my fingerprint? no? Then why the fuck are you waking me up for this? What if I woke you up at 1am? How would you like that? But its okay to wake me up? Package delivery couldn't wait another couple hours no? HAD to be done right away? You motherfu--

"No problem sweetie, you have a good day."

"Thanks Paige, you too."

I turn around and shut the door with my package.

(Eh whatever. I'll say something next time.)