World Map

Anthony is talking about a trip to Europe. I've never been off U.S. soil and he is saying he wants to make it happen and why not? It's not like we have any obligations here beyond jobs. I have the time off. I am free to move about as I please.

I can't believe I'm saying that. Free to move, free to come and go, leave or stay. As long as I have the money to fund it, I can do whatever I want and suddenly I am remembering . . .

I always wanted to travel.

I always wanted to fly.

I always wanted to go on a food tour and stay in a hostel and touch the Eiffel Tower.

Anthony is in my ear saying, "Let's go!" And I am thinking yes, yes, yes but also no. No?

Then Anthony says, "What if we just fly together but we have different plans when we arrive?"

This man understands so fully that some things I want to do on my own for myself by myself and I say, "What if you meet me two days in and we travel together for a week?"

And he says, "That's a plan." So we get online and buy tickets and I email my boss to triple confirm the days and Anthony pulls up a few places he says he's always wanted to go with someone special and will I meet him at this restaurant in this city?

My heart is filled with yes. Yes yes yes. I'm going to fly, I'm already flying. I kiss Anthony and he tells me, "You're amazing. I can't wait to see you there."

"We are amazing," I respond. I drop my head and feel the color in my face because I'm afraid even though I mean it. I wasn't looking for anyone. I was focused on me, on survival, on healing and in walked Anthony. Somehow he hasn't gotten in the way of any of it. He's slipped through every boundary without ever pushing. I always fight letting him in, but the closer he gets to my heart the more I see he belongs there.

I set aside the fear that this is a rebound. I do see him clearly. He is not just everything my ex wasn't, he is everything I hoped for before I survived abuse.

We don't say it, but love is here. I want to tell him what he means, but then all my cards are on the table and I'm still not comfortable being fully exposed.

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If you enjoyed this, you can find more of Dani's story here:

Solitary Chill
Calculated Risk
Total Immersion
Promise of the Unexpected
Dangerous Waters
Talking with Leaves
Candy Corn
Sweep Me Up
Wish Magic

image via pixabay.com