You claim not to like distance relationship, yet you like distance transfer. Believe me, distance thunder go soon locate you😜😜😜😜😜.
Dear money, it is another new week, the social distance doesn't concern you in any way, please kindly come closer, I need your companionship 🤓😜😝.
I was just on my own, one woman came to my inbox and told me that I am corrupting her children with my writings. What are children of under 13 years doing on Facebook and other social media platforms? Madam, this one is or you.
That was how my neighbor heard me singing, she asked: "Is that your voice?" I answered, "no o, it is my footsteps". I hate nonsense questions.
So back to the story. I know some people are already wondering how the story will be.
How will you feel for someone with two big eyes to tell you "Sorry I didn't see your missed calls". What are those two big eyes for? I have not mentioned anybody's name oooo.😔🤭🤭🤭🤭
It happened more than 25years ago, many people reading this were not yet in existence. There is this young lady I fell in love with, she was very beautiful and attractive. She was always with me most of the time, I was still in my state of innocence.
I was actually handsome. Believe me, my face was once beautiful, but because of this journey called life, it has lost its beauty.
So people were always complimenting me with words like "he has a so cute, he is handsome, this one will finish all the young girls, I hope he marries my daughter".
So life went on smoothly. I was actually in love with the lady. If not her, no one else dare come close to stay with me.
So I had longed anticipated my first kiss. I use to see it on television, but I did not understand what they were doing.
Some people are already crucifying me in their minds. Who cares? Some of them even wish they could be posting nonsense like me according to the woman, but they are busy acting mature to impress someone that won't even marry them. 😂😆😂😜
For those that have not had their first kiss yet, calm own. You won't understand the 'kissingtivity of the kissness that came with the kiss'. See the worst thing was that I was very shy, and elders were always around, any small thing, they will scold you.
I can't even wait to get old, so that I can sit at the front of my house and insult any child that doesn't greet me. I must revenge 😂😂😂😂. So one day, she finally professed her love for me, I felt like small Dangote. I carried my two arms up and do guy man 😂😂😂.
Maybe you haven't seen someone who just got a new latest car. He will go to any occasion and park wrongly, then go to the front seat and sit down comfortably.
Sooner or later, you will hear the MC saying "the owner of this car number 2278YuBC, 2020 model, your attention is needed outside". He walks out majestically like a pregnant goat.
That was how I felt each time she told me that she really loves me. I don't know how my life would have been without her. I kept admiring her, my love for her grew faster than my hair.
After two years of falling in love with this lady, I found out that she was pregnant. I couldn't believe my eyes. Are you aware that when they start planning to toast your sister, they will start greeting you "Senior Man?".
Who could have been responsible? I couldn't sleep. Each time she comes around me, I snubbed her. I started hating her.
Just imagine, so one day, I will be on my knees begging a girl to accept the ring I bought with my hard-earned money just to marry me? What a world! I knew I still loved her and she loved me as well, but the pregnancy was a barrier.
I actually wanted to do a giveaway today, but the problem is; how can one thousand naira be enough for over four thousand friends of mine? 😂😂😂😂
Don't worry, one day you will have enough money to enjoy and settle your bills and all these sufferings will end. Please don't shout Amen oooo. Go and hustle. Lazy youths everywhere. Amen doesn't vomit money... Hahahahaha😂😂😂😂.
So the day finally came, though she was still pregnant, she hugged me so tight, and her hands were so soft. She heard a footstep at the backyard and let go of me.
I was so happy eh. I had to go home, sit down, and counted one cup of rice. It contained 7233 seeds. If you go to the market, make sure you count it. If it is not complete, don't buy it. That person wants to cheat you.
The second day when I met her, she wore a gown that revealed her everyday swelling stomach. My love how are you? She asked. My body was sweeting me eh.
See no man is as humble as a man who is asking a girl for her phone number in the public. He will be sounding so low like a new generator...😂😂😂😂.
I did not want people to know who she is, but I had learned my lessons. I once thought hiding my relationship is the best, now I can't find it again 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Before I told you how the kiss ended in praise, do you know that since I barb my hair, my crush has not been calling me big head again? Maybe she has seen another one that is bigger than my own.. 😍😍😍.
So on the D-Day, the lady took me to her house, she was glowing beautifully. If it was today eh, let me not talk.
Imagine if girls start doing rituals like boys, they won't even need iPhone or Benz to lure boys. All they need to say is "baby come to my house, I am home alone". By now 80% of men in the world would have gone to stay ke Ikpanesit Abraham...🤣🤣🤣
Before I knew what was happening, the lady had undressed me, caressed my hair. She was powerful enough to carry me into the bath tube and she bathed me.
She took me out from the bath tube, cleaned me with a towel, rubbed me pearls baby oil, and then wore me nice clothes🤔🤔.
After that, she gave me a deep kiss and threw me up in the air and said "my baby is growing stronger every day, Thank you Lord for this blessing"🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪.
What were you thinking? Bad belle people everywhere.😛😛😛😛😛 The lady in question is my mother. That happened when I was two years old.
Since then, I have not been kissed. Any free lips for a kiss? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 It shocks you right? Learn to mind your business, so that you live long on earth.
Udondia Petermary
23/06/2021