Best of Amazon: Pocket Monstrosity

in story •  7 years ago 

Sometimes you just need to wonder why

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(Source)


Well you know the old boyscout motto of "Always Be Prepared"? Clearly someone has really dedicated time and effort to that and this product is a testament to human ingenuity in the face of all reason. In fact, this is nowhere in the vicinity of practical. Its just plain outrageous.

For a $500 price-tag this abomination has 87 implements and 141 functions according to the listing? Would you like to know what those 87 are? Well I've got you covered.

2.5-inch 60% serrated locking blade
Nail file
Nail cleaner
Corkscrew
Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
Removable screwdriver bit adapter
2.5-inch blade for Official World Scout Knife
Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
Removable screwdiver bit holder
Phillips head screwdriver bit 0 Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
Magnetized recessed bit holder
Double-cut wood saw with ruler
Chain rivet setter
Removable 5mm
Allen wrench
Screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
Removable tool for adjusting spokes
10mm Hexagonal key for nuts
Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
Patented locking screwdriver
Universal wrench
2.4-inch springless scissors with serrated self-sharpening design
1.65-inch clip point utility blade
Phillips head screwdriver
2.5-inch clip-point blade
Club face cleaner
2.4-inch round tip blade
Patented locking screwdriver
Cap lifter
Can opener
Shoe spike wrench
Divot repair tool
4mm Allen wrench
2.5-inch blade
Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
Double-cut wood saw with ruler
Cupped cigar cutter with double honed edges
12/20-gauge choke tube tool
Watch case back opening tool
Snap shackle
Mineral crystal magnifier
Compass
Straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
Telescopic pointer
Fish scaler
Hook dis-gorger
Line guide
Shortix laboratory key
Micro tool holder
Micro tool adapter
Micro scraper, straight
Micro scraper,curved
Laser pointer with 300-foot range
Metal file
Metal saw
Flashlight
Micro tool holder
Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
Screwdriver 1.2mm
Screwdriver .8mm
Fine fork for watch spring bars
Reamer
Pin punch 1.2mm
Pin pinch .8mm
Round needle file
Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
Removable tool holder
Special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights
Flat Phillips head screwdriver
Chisel-point reamer
Mineral crystal magnifier
Small ruler
Extension tool
Sping-loaded, locking flat nose needle-nose pliers
Removable screwdriver bit holder
Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
Magnetized recessed bit holder
Tire tread gauge
Fiber optic tool holder
Can opener
Patented locking screwdriver
Cap lifter
Wire stripper
Reamer
Awl
Toothpick
Tweezers
Key ring

Aaaaaaaand that's it


The thing is, much like having multiple cars, all those tools have genuine utility. But to continue on with the cars metaphor, bolting your cars together end-to-end completely invalidates any value. On the bright side, the reviews for this product are an absolute gold-mine.

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I like this guys humor, but he needs to have some sense of perspective. He ought to be glad that his pocket multitool has a toaster oven and a welder on it at all. People need to understand the speed and imperfect nature of technology.

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Kristi appears to have activated the transition function and it went flawlessly thanks to the magic of Swiss engineering. Maybe in can make robo-breasts for her while it's at it? That feature might come in version 2.0.

Well I have to say I love these reviews and the sheer concept that this item exists is funny to no end! Let me know if there is any other funny product you would like to see shared!

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Vote back gan 😊

practicality has a new name today

that thing is ridicules and so impractical. i bet whoever own one also drives a huge truck because they have issues with the size of thier junk haha

It's not very practical without a sheath to attach to my belt.

Want most of the functionally of your home hardware drawer, with only slightly more convenience than carrying it around with you? You're welcome!

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