The Reluctant Astronaut: My Trip To The Stratosphere

in story •  7 years ago 

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If you happened to go out last night around 9:00 CDT and look up to see someone waving from high above the Earth, that was me waving to all my Steemit friends as I floated helplessly 20 miles or so above your heads. What really happened was... And now (cue narrator) a brief word from our sponsors, the wonderful folks at Better Living Through Chemistry.

My normal protocol in the morning is to rise around 5-6 AM, take 40 mg. of Methadone and 30 of Oxycodone (without which I am unable to move, pretty much). Then I begin the arduous descent 15 miles or so downstairs for coffee at a painstaking crawl. After getting coffee, I ascend Mt. Staircase to check my email, my Steemit replies and I then sit in my huge easy chair for my Morning Chan... about halfway through, I'm able to get another cup of joe. By the time Charlie has solved the mystery, I'm nearly functional (as functional as possible). Such is the fate of an elderly man who spent the better part of his life abusing his body by subjecting it to things no body should have to endure. Last night, something unusual happened... (Cue Twilight Zone music)

I've been fighting insomnia for almost a week now and around 6:45 I started feeling really sleepy (just at the time my comp started messing up) so I took my night time meds and went to bed hoping for the first decent night's sleep in a week. I conked right out!

I awoke feeling refreshed and looked at the window... it was already daylight. I got up and looked at the clock on my wall- 8:15... I had slept 13 1/2 hours without even waking up once to pee (a miracle in itself!). I took my morning meds and went into the other room for my coffee mug so I could begin the long ascent down Mt. Staircase toward my morning coffee. When I arrived in the kitchen my coffeemaker had apparently malfunctioned. I glanced at the wall clock 8:16. I shrugged and turned the pot on manually and began the trek upstairs to check my emails. Something else peculiar had happened... my usual emails were absent- no notifications from the Weather Channel, no American Thinker... I happened to look at the clock in the corner of my computer- 8:18 PM... I hadn't slept 13 1/2 hours, I had slept an hour and a half AND I had taken my morning meds, in effect doubling up. There was only one thing to do... I donned my spacesuit and awaited liftoff!

At one time I was a huge fan of the wonderful folks at Better Living Through Chemistry... but that is no longer the case. I hate it! I take only what is necessary (the aforementioned dosage) so I don't feel the effects. I realize that what I have to take would probably put half of Ft Smith in a coma, but it beats the alternative- being bed ridden. I HAVE to be functional. I'm not somebody that would relish the opportunity to be disabled. I don't know what's happened to our society that disability has become a career choice... a life goal. Doctors since 1985 have been trying to get me to claim disability... I've told them that if and when I become disabled, I'd let them know.

In 1985 I fell 25+ feet off a railroad bridge attempting to catch a freight. I landed on my back on a pile of boulders. The engineer stopped the train and assisted me aboard one of the engines where he made me a pallet from an old Army blanket and I rode to Denver (from mid- Nebraska). The orthopedic surgeon informed me that my back was badly broken. Surgery would be very dangerous because of how the vertebra set against my spinal cord. He said with normal wear and tear I could expect to be paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair in 5-10 years... that was 32 years ago and I'm still kickin! Well... it's almost time for blast off!

One final note- please spare me any comments about wonderful homeopathic remedies or exercise... I've tried them all. Been there, done that, wiped my ass with the t-shirt! I do what I do because it's the only thing that works outside of being bedridden. I refuse to try most of the new RA and OA remedies. Before I quit watching TV I saw one advertised. The side effects included, "Tuberculosis, Lymphoma and other cancers, and death"... all of my favorites! Have a pleasant day and don't forget to look up... You never know when I might be passing overhead.

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I'm curious as to why you resist disability benefits

Simple... I'm not disabled. I had a friend growing up Eddie Ferrola... he had Cerebral Palsy. He refused to be disabled and worked all his life emptying trash pails for the City of Cambridge (a city job up there is like hitting the lottery)

The way I see it, as long as you can do SOMETHING- you're not disabled.

I understand the image quandry, but from my own POV I'm going to get my tax dollars back any way I can. Especially considering the way the politicians steal that money in the first place

But you're not getting it back from politicians... it comes out of the pockets of other Americans. The only way you can get it back is to have them steal it from some other poor sucker!

once they get stolen from enough maybe they wisen up and build some gallows for the thieves

sometimes you gotta whack people in the head to get their attention

in the meantime, I want to recoup my losses

you are probably more moral (righter) than I am in this, but I want to see these thieves dangle

I do too... but stealing from taxpayers isn't the way to do it... If I get to where I can't do anything to support myself- then I'll let my fellow suckers help me out.

well stated

Why thank you!

A good nights sleep is very helpful! :) Glad to see that you are active here and living life.

I will tell you just one thing that helps me, and this isn't homeopathic. Drink a lot of water. I have a problem in my back where one of my parts of my spine is spaced further apart than the others.

When I don't drink enough water during the day(key indicators are you have cotton mouth or your urine is very yellow) my back hurts and cramps up. When I drink enough water (urine is clear or partly yellow) my back has 95% less cramps or pain.

Water helps keep your spinal fluids to the levels it needs to be. Eating things with a lot of salt in it for me makes my back hurt, because the salt absorbs the water in your body. I don't take any calcium or anything else, just make sure to cut down on salt and drink more water. Also my left knee is a soccer injury, when I am dehydrated it starts to buckle and crack, when I have had a lot of water it has no issues.

:)

Thanks... and I do! I love water, next to coffee it's my favorite drink. I never drink pop or anything like that. For me it's either water or coffee. I used to like fruit juice, but now I have diabetes so that's out.

At a young age I was exposed to the joys of drinking robust coffee no cream or sugar. Feels weird to even put any of that in later in life :) Good thing I don't like that crap, too much sugar/cream is terrible for our health. Almost everything sold at fast food is pure garbage, then cereal is too, lots of stuff in grocery store with the preservatives and 40% of your daily salt intake per serving. It is crazy how hard it is to eat like a normal human needs to.

Sounds like you've probably read this but if you haven't... Sugar Blues by William Dufty. It changed my life... Also after reading it I've come up with a theory- cancer is caused by processed foods. There's a concomitant relationship historically between the amount of processing of foods and the rising cancer rates. I believe they're connected.

If you love good coffee, check these guys out...

https://kickapoocoffee.com/

They only buy from cooperative farms that grow organic coffee...NO wholesalers! Their prices are competitive (about the same as Gevalia) and their coffee is incredible. I used to live in Viroqua WI where they're located and have been to their facility. They bought an antique German roaster. My favorite of their coffees is from Guatemala.

I live in Viroqua and can attest to this fine locally roasted, fair sourced coffee. Check out their new cafe in Milwaukee

I live in Arkansas now... I have to send for mine now. I have since 2011.

Sweet, I am checking out the coffee site! Thanks :)

Like the old TV ad says... Try it you'll like it!

however..some studies suggest that truly MASSIVE quanti ties of coffee (I'm talking POTS not cups) a day...have a great many benefits...

like...you don't tend to die as much. (from cancer, heart disease, and stuff)

I hope to one day be able to write as fluidly as you have in this post. I simply could not stop myself from reading the whole story. I think this perfectly explains the struggle some people in chronic pain go through on a daily basis. Stairs feel like mountains and the easiest task becomes a struggle. I laughed and felt sad simultaneously. Don't worry, I wont try to push any remedies on you haha, but I do wish you many many more years of courage and boldness.

Thank you very much for the kind words. At my age (71) I've discovered that keeping a sense of humor prevents you from being relegated to life inside a box of depression... I choose to live life, enjoy my grandkids (and great-grandkid). You live until you die... or you die and wait around for them to bury you. I choose life.

I've got THE BEST doctor for you to see!!! just kidding brother, wow that was a long tough fall you had. Good to hear you proved the Drs wrong! I hear you on the meds, the side effects are tough. I'll keep my eyes looking in your direction around 9 CDT from now on!

Thanks Buddy!

20 miles over the earth and this is what you see:

#flatearth

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

Thank-you for sharing this with me @richq11!

So glad your still with us today to tell your story, you must have been thought alot of pain in your day. I'm glad you can look on the Brite side and I so glad your on steemit to share it.

I will be look up at the sky, up there to see if I can see you!

I'll be waving (I'm the short guy in the spacesuit!) Glad you enjoyed it!!!

This post is like a good meal. It has some humor, mixed in with some history, some sadness, some vitriol, and some personality. It was enjoyable to read.

I'm glad your rocket didn't explode during take off. :)

I avoid pretty much all substances that mess with my head but coffee. :) That said I have accidentally doubled up on an allergy med before and felt pretty weird.

In fact I am so not into taking things if I don't have to that anytime pain meds have been prescribed for me (such as the 23 days I spent in the hospital once) about half the recommended dose was perfect for me. The full dose of any pain med seemed to mess me up.

I can eat pain meds by the handful (obviously) with little or no effects. If I take a Tylenol PM, I sleep for two days. Last night I just went to bed before they kicked in and only had to deal with a slight hangover this morn.

I don't see the attraction people have for abusing this stuff... actually I do, I used to do heroin... but this isn't like that. I don't much care for the effects. I try to take just enough to make the pain bearable without feeling the pills themselves. It's a balancing act! But... like I said- it beats the alternative!

Unfortunatelly I am not good in remedies... But I like the story very much:)

Thank you... I'm glad you enjoyed it!