I AM LOST: MYY OWN FEELINGS

Have you ever been in a place where you felt lost? Looked yourself in the mirror and asked yourself, who am I? Wondering if you’ll ever find your way out of that dark place? Well I have. In fact, I have been there quite a few times.

I don’t even know where to even begin, or to try to find the words to tell you just why I was ever feeling lost or why I was ever in a dark place in my life. It’s quite a story actually. In fact, telling my story to others has always been quite hard for me. You see when I sit and think about all the crazy things I have done in my past. I find it quite impossible to tell anyone about it.

Sure, some will judge you, but then you have those who will seem to understand you and accept you for who you are. Well here’s why I decided to tell you my life and why I want to share my past with others. I guess my easy way of telling my story is through written words other than to speak about it. It’s quite relaxing to be able to express my thoughts through a piece a paper and know that, that paper can’t reply back to you.

I’m sure you don’t really care to know anything about me or why I even have to tell you anything about myself. But you see just like me there are others out there in this world, who are most likely in the same exact place I was at. Feeling alone, lost, sad, unhappy, or just didn’t know where they belonged.

So, I guess I’ll start with my name. My name is Victoria, I am 25 years old and a single mother of a little girl named Sophia. Crazy right? 25 years old and single with a kid. But she is precious of course, and God only knows that I would do anything in this world for my Sophia.

I guess the reason I decided to share this is to let others just like me, who are other in the same place I once was or are still there. To know that things will get tough before they become easy. And let me tell you things were extremely tough and honestly, I am quite impressed on how far I came. I want to say that it’s not going to be always easy. You are going to fall several times. You are going to be pushed down so many times, but don’t let it break you. Let those falls make you stronger. Let those falls make you push yourself harder and harder each time. Let them be the reason they make you a stronger person, and when you look down on that little person who looks up to you the most. Let them be the reason you are still standing.

If someone was to ask me what does the meaning of the word “Lost” mean to me. My mind would start to realm all over the place. You see that word could mean so many different things to all of us. But to me it means so much more than just four letters. Lost, it means a dark place where no one could hear you or see you. A place where you can scream for hours and hours, and no one would even notice where you are at.

Sure, your physical self could be there, but what about mentally? You see our minds are very tricky. They can make others see what they want to see, but are we really showing them what we see? Most of us can’t. We start to shut down, we start to feel nothing but darkness all around us that eventually, we start to show those emotions. But do others understand why we are this way? No, they don’t. We are only human, we only seem to understand what is brought to our attentions. Others have an easy way to speak about how they feel, but then there’s the other half of us. Who can’t, who continue to walk around the world acting as if everything was okay. But their minds aren’t truly there. They’re lost in their thoughts, lost in a dark place. Screaming for help but don’t know how to ask for it. Hoping that maybe someone will care to enough to notice that they are screaming for help.

So, in other words if someone was to ask me, what does the word “Lost” mean to me. I guess the reply to that answer would be just that. You’re probably reading this and thinking to yourself, what is wrong with this girl. But in time you’ll seem to understand why my response was exactly that. Why instead of responding what such a simple word means in such a deep and strong way. You’ll truly began to understand why.

I’m not here to tell you my sobbing story or to tell you because I want you to feel bad for me. But I am here to tell you why I wanted to share my life with you. Why I decided to open up my book with you.