The Mental Seduction of Physical Restraint*Trust & Freedom from Control

I had no idea what shibari was, and had only seen theatrical portrayals of bondage, until about two years ago when a darling and perverted friend, who will remain nameless, text me a photo of his girlfriend bound on his bed (alright, fine, it was a random girl, but this is less my vibe). The shot was from above, her alabaster skin contrasted with pink sheets. Her legs were spread slightly beyond hip-width, and tied to the ceiling, outside the frame. Arms were crossed and bound beautifully, her eyes blindfolded, and mouth stuffed with pink panties. I was dumbfounded. What I saw was beautiful skin and artistically woven jute ropes, a woman kept helplessly in her place...

The strongest feelings conjured by this image were that of trust, or the lack thereof, in my previous romantic relationships, and freedom from the constant struggle for control in life. Almost immediately, I knew I'd be dissatisfied in any future love relationship in which I couldn't trust my mate to put me into a difficult position where they were my only hope for release--in a completely consensual and healthy way, I can't stress this enough! Bondage became my ultimate symbol of trust, and this new measure of trust became my greatest desire. Another desire that's always been present in my life is that of perfection and control. I know I often struggle to rest, feeling guilty for not striving for perfection at any given moment, and maybe even for failing to control my very human, hedonistic urges, at every turn. To be restrained, with a perfect excuse to be still, to give up control to another worthy being, is an idea that still captivates me... 

Could bondage be my religion? What does this worthy being represent? Is this something I can find within myself?

Since this mental transformation, I've been able to experience being tied a handful of times, by friends whom I do trust. The feeling has been everything I had hoped for, the feel of the rope on my skin, the hypnotizing stillness, the emotional release... I continue to also practice on myself, which provides a creative form of meditation or escape. Below is what's usually called a futumomo. My thumbnail photo above is a self-portrait; I'm wearing bondage accessories by Bondesque in Minneapolis, and a leash by PetSmart (LOL). The beauty of this exploration is in the journey... I do know this for certain.

As this is all extremely personal to me, I welcome your most respectful comments and questions. If my vulnerability inspires you, please comment, resteem, and follow. I plan to be conducting and sharing some amazing social experiments down the line, some related to these topics. Xx! Mo. :)