I woke up this morning with tears streaming down my face, no recollection of last night's dream if there was any to recall. Was this the effect of reading MSP's favorite dark authors along with deppression and sadness enclosed in their keyboards? I was asked to read a few posts, and not before long, shadows overcame me. Before exposing myself to an abyss that extended towards me, I felt fine.
I awoke, heavy. As though every corner of my being was bruised from fighting demons, not even my own, that swarmed me. Aching and crying, wanting to escape it, a window. 31 stories up with no screen that can be pulled open. I retract. Nothing in this life makes sense anymore, to be moved and hold emotions foreign to me. A pain that held no basis no purpose to me, intertwined, embracing me. I looked to the painting hanging above in our room to console.
"Do you ever wake up feeling horrible sometimes with no reason?" I looked over to Kevin, who appeared engrossed in a game he was playing. He looks up.
"Yeah, I feel horrible right now.
But that's because I'm hungover." He laughed with regret of last night's activities in his voice. I was invited on a fieldtrip towards his nearest bank's atm, to get his portion of our rent.
On the walk he showed me his hands, as his other chef cut herself recently and is wearing a cast. "It's like I'm basically working by myself." He allows me to examine his fingers closer. "These cuts, they're not even scars. They're just there." I feel my phone go off. It's my friend, that's going through his own pains, a divorce.
I'm not the most tactful when it comes to relating, but I felt it, an overwhelming sadness, but from an external source. Everyone is connected, what ocassionally feels tangled in these threads.
"You know why every sushi chefs hands look fucked up?
You go to Japan, and the master chefs all have smooth hands." He glances back at his own in disappointment. "Everyone out here cuts themselves all the time, people in Hawaii just don't give a fuck about safety." We both laugh, as he turns back, the back of his white coat, and his knife bag dangling of his shoulder.
Hope you're not considering suicide?
This feels like a sad post. Everyone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed sometimes.
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lol nonono! I read a lot of dark poetry here yesterday and it messed with me a little. I was amazed at how easily people can become empathic :0
Thank you for worrying, but I'm more than okay!
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OK, good, sometimes it's hard to tell over a computer screen, esp. with that text you sent your friend!
Emotions on Steemit can run deep, and I've seen some posts from some seriously depressed (and angry) people...poetry, fiction and personal stories alike. Mixing money with "darker" writing seems to make things a little murky. And some people have seemed to go berzerk/suicidal when their posts don't make the money they think they deserve (but that's another story altogether...)
Anyway, your writing is great and vivid (obviously!) I just wanted to make sure it wasn't a call for help or anything, I didn't think it was but it can never hurt to check :-)
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Definitely. I tend to stay away from dark pieces and situations altogether, so reading even a few in succession can harm my mood and overwhelm me. I like to believe in school that I'm not taught anything for reason, so when I read some of these posts, I embrace the same approach that nothing is written for no reason. Man, I'm too busy trying to get an A in this class to off myself. Steemit is a much slower process than many people understand. I realized that above writing for anyone, that I want to write for myself as my own expression. The goal to write whatever my heart desires is back at number one. It adds an extra element of surprise for myself not knowing what my next piece will be about.
Not to mention writing this often, makes my classwork a lot easier to complete since I go to year round school (modules not semesters). I have papers due all the time. Don't worry, I just gotta not read too many dark poems c: empathy is a crazy thing.
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This was very well written - and so real! Great work. :)
I too feel the abyss but unfortunately the demons are my own.
You sould like an empathic - we often absorb everyone's emotions.
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Let's slay demons together @creativesoul! :3
Yeah, the empath life is too much sometimes, anything can become chaos in an instant. Thank you for your feedback, Ill keep this up
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Sounds good! <3
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Interesting post. I'm into Jesus. If I find myself fighting demons, I bind them in the name of Jesus.
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And an interesting reply to boot! If it stops demons, I endorse any practice :D thank you for stopping by!
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This post received a 3% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @shello! For more information, click here!
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