I have a feeling that this work was translated from another language, just put into an online translator perhaps? I might be wrong, but while I got the general idea of the story, some sentenced are as you said a bit hard to understand.
RE: Eyes of The Devil. ||Horror Story||
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Eyes of The Devil. ||Horror Story||
True, but maybe that's all the more reason to get a second opinion?
I guess if he's really into writing he could go on the Discord channel for writers and get some pointers, provided that's what he wants to do.
https://discord.gg/T3SVT9 If you are looking for a community of writers. :)
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