That time I dated an Egypt God | Story Time

It's 2013 university holidays. I'm young, I have long dreads and the most important part, I'm full of life. I had just finished a long relationship so my friends convinced me to embark with them in a party trip.
So... I enslaved myself 2 weeks working my ass out to make enough money to pay a ticket to the Venezuelan Island "Margarita". The day came, and my band buddies "Morsa and Maria" joined me in the cheapest way to get to the Island (Bus + Ferry for around 14 hours on the road).

We spent one epic week there on the beaches, knowing the place, eating a lot of epic food and drinking restlessly. We bought 1 kg of Bacon just because we could and we became Ron Swanson worshipers (We ate every imaginable combination of bacon with food, and at some point we were just eating fried bacon alone).
I have to note down that when we planed the trip one of our friends "Diegolas" ended up declining this mighty quest (Shame on him), so I figure out that the best way to let him know he made a huge mistake was taking pics with girls while holding a sign that said "Diego, It's too bad you are not here".

Never before I met people so welcoming. In the capital (where I live), if you ask someone to take a pic, you will receive a bad look. In Margarita instead, people smiled and said "Sure, for Diego!".
So, anyway... The last day we met a group of girls with which we stayed talking a lot, 2 funny and nice girls and one mysterious girl that never talked or looked back at us. We took pics and since it was our last night in the island we invited them to hang out with us later at the place we were staying. Out of nowhere the darkness girl jumped in, gave us her number and took off with the other 2 girls.

Night fell, and the nice girls didn't appear, but the mysterious one did. We went to our place and as the night developed we knew more and more of this girl. She often touched her pyramid ring telling us it was a gift from her grandfather and that this meeting was special, since we were all meant to be there. She also said a lot of nonsense comments but we didn't pay much attention to that and keep having fun until she asked us about our band. And as the silly young guys we were, we played a song and she went crazy about it.

"OMG!! It sounds amazing!, Its like a soundtrack!".
"You know guys, I could give you a hand to find really good gigs in my home town".
She put her hand in my shoulder and said "I Should take you there" (Somewhere in Tachira, another city).

As she finished saying that I looked at Morsa and Morsa looked back at me... I looked at Maria and Maria was already looking me with those big eyes. Not a single word was shared between us, but I could felt like their eyes were already talking to me.

I went full Charles Xavier and listened how my X-men told me... "Please, please Victor. Please take the bullet for the team"
I thought "WHAT?, why me?, WAIT WHAT?".
And I could read their "DUDE! for the band!, For The Band!, FOR THE BAND DUDE!!" with a slight bit of "Come on man, this is exactly what you need now, give it a chance".

Like things were not awkward and weird enough I keep talking to this girl and suddenly I received a phone call, and of all the numbers that could appear on my screen there was this one that sent me straight to hell.

EX GIRLFRIEND

I stood there frozen like Han solo and the girl just took my phone, hung up and told me "We are having such a good time, we should not be anywhere else".
We kept drinking, listening to music and I must admit that I found out that actually we had many things in common... So one thing led to another and next thing I know is that we are kissing at the kitchen.
We spent quite a lot there and when things started to heat up she pushed me out to the wall and told me:
"No".
"NO, WAIT!... We can't do this!".
"You seem like a good guy and I can't do this to you".
"Listen, I have to be honest".
"I really like you but... I can't be with you since all the men I have been with ARE DEAD".
"I'm a Osiris descendant, and I drain the vital energy of man through sex".

I know what you are thinking right now.
"Either this is bullshit, or this guy totally pulled up his pants and left".
Well, sorry to disappoint you and my past self, but I was drunk enough to answer her:
"Girl don't worry. I'm a cat, and cats have 9 lives".

I don't know for sure why I said that. Maybe it was because I was drunk, maybe it was all that bacon clouding my judgment. I don't know, but what I can tell you is that from there on, things just escalated savagely.
She jumped over me and told me to carry her to my room. Not surprisingly, there were no one around to save me for my wedding march. No friends left in the living room or any other part of the house, everyone was already locked on their rooms minding their own business while I was like the Titanic moving slowly towards my doom.

So, since everybody was already on the other rooms, I was left with the one that had the broken air conditioner. I remembered that little inconvenient as soon as I put a foot inside and my socks got wet from the air conditioner water that had flood the room...
I laid her on the bed and I start seeing these distinctive tattoos she had.
The eye of Horus was in her chest looking at me, judging me for my reckless adventure.
We are getting down at it and she said to me:
"Wait, I don't do things like that!"
"You are a musician right?, sing something to me, wrote a song for me".
"Now?".
"Yeah, NOW!!!".
As the simple tasks man I am (who can't do more than one thing at the same time), I just stood there with my confusion expression in silence, thinking "WTF!?".

Anyway, she gets over me and said.
"Don't worry. I got this, just follow my lead"
And she started to recite a poem, but nononono.
Not any poem.
Some dark pages taken out straight from the Necronomicon.
I'm not kidding, at that point I was down there with my wet socks thinking about all the life choices that took me to that exact moment.
All my life was running through my eyes in slow motion.
I can't recall the exact words she said but I felt like I was about to be sacrificed to some ancient god.

I couldn't see my friends eyes anymore but I sensed their Jedi spirits laughing with joy at my misfortune.
I felt like Frodo Baggins when he's trapped in the web about to be ate by Shelob in Mordor.
At some point I was sure that the next day Morsa or Maria were going to open the door and found me there mummified, wrapped between the sheets with my arms crossed over my chest.

She started to moan louder.
I thought she was about to took my heart out like in Indiana Jones and the temple of doom.
But then.
She just passed out...

NOT TODAY SATAN!

Next day I paid a taxi that took her home. She had my number so she winked at me and told me "I text you back when I visit your city", just before she got in the car.
Maybe she didn't drain all my vital energy or took my soul, but I must say that I was really ill all the way back home. Dry, dizzy and with a headache, probably just because the room had no air conditioner working and all the alcohol, right?...

As you can imagine I ended up telling my adventure to my buddies and the 14 hours back were filled with jokes about that.
They deduced that probably, the reason why she didn't wanted to get into the oral department was because if so, she would had drained all my life and soul at once.

So... In the end, I learned an important lesson.

Don't you ever take a bullet for your friends.
It won't gonna earn you any band gigs anyway.