Have you ever had these thoughts?
• “I can’t believe my manager does not allow me to lead that effort.”
• “I deserve a raise for how hard I work and how good I am.”
• “If only my manager would give me the opportunity….., I’d show him/her.”
• “I am just as good as, if not better than [fill in the name], yet <he/she> seems to be the golden child.”
• “That feedback session was really tough. I did my best. He/she is just really being hard on me.”
• “I am going to leave. This company does not appreciate my talents.”
I have no doubt that you truly are or can be as good as you say you are. My question is, have you proved it?
Victim mentality
I have mentored and counseled many individuals who have this self-pity and victim mentality that is blinding and blocking them. Blinding them from seeing their part in the situation and behaviors that may prevent them from showing their best self. Blocking them from being recognized for their contributions because of behaviors (or lack of behaviors) which help cast perceptions that overshadow everything else.
I do realize in certain situations some managers can be risk-averse or have very subjective opinions and ways of managing that may not allow the best to surface from the teams they manage. Most managers don’t deserve to be managers, and I firmly believe that most only take management roles for career progression, but are rarely ready.
However, many individuals in the workforce continue to view employment and advancement as an entitlement. Frankly, it is not. Allow me to try to illustrate this perspective.
Would you continue to pay a technician to repair your car if you had to tell him/her each time how to repair it? I can hear your “No” with expletives! Well, in a workforce where employers “buy talent”(meaning that someone is hired because of experience), the company is looking for someone who can come in and not only do certain aspects of the job but to also continuously make improvements, focus on solutions, and turn concepts into executable tactics with little direction.
Furthermore, ideas alone aren’t enough to survive in the workforce. Organizations are full of people who freely voice their opinions and ideas. Many restate problems. The words flow out as if a directive is being given to the management of the company. Meanwhile, management perceives employees who behave this way as lazy, not engaged and wrong for the organization. Honestly, leaders try to staff their teams with people who focus on solutions, not problems and also those who present ideas with data, justifications and attainable plans to execute.
My advice to anyone who has pondered the statements at the beginning of this commentary is to try notice and examine the triggers that create the thoughts. Try to lift oneself out of the moment as if watching the scene on TV.
Ask the following questions.
• Have I taken the emotion out of the situation to look at it objectively?
• Am I expecting my manager to know or realize something that may seem obvious from my point of view, but the fact is I haven’t said it, done it, shared it, emphasized it, etc.?
• Have I asked for feedback from my manager and from other leaders and colleagues who are not people I consider friends?
• Do I take the initiative or wait to be asked?
• Despite how the message was delivered or if I agree, can I see how my manager would have that perception?
Chances are taken not given. No one, especially your manager, comes to work thinking what chance can I give [enter name] today. Ideas alone aren’t enough. If they were, people with ideas would be rich, and people with opinions would be filthy rich!
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