WHERE IS MY DESIRE TO CONTINUE LIVING? #1

in suicide •  7 years ago 

In point of fact I don't know what to think about... I'm writing because I promised to someone whose not alive anymore.

My name is... Well, I prefer to keep me anonymous. I'm a teenager, I'm between 15 and 19 years old. I would like to be more older than I am; I prefer to be 99 years old, because I know that maybe this would be my last day. Not as my current age, I'm too young for my liking.

I've tried to kill my-fucking-self three times; I've been at a fucking asylum two times. And the asylum didn't help, I think that made it worst. What did I learn there? Well, I learned how you should treat people; tell them what they want to hear and not the truth.

Ok, perhaps I have the worst therapist. I don't blame him, because he is as psychiatrist as I am. Or perhaps I have the worst mental illnes; and that's a stupid supposition because my brain "is alright"; or the machine makes the scan it's broken, and the hormonal tests, and all that shit.

Well I live with my brother, he pay everything that I consume (food, school, drugs, cigarettes, everything). Well, that's what he wants that I belive. I know that my parents give him money; maybe not all, maybe more than what I spend. But, He is still the only shit that keeps me breathing. He is the only reason that I've not tried a fourth suicide.

That's me, maybe an interesting guy, maybe not at all, maybe a little bit.

So this is the first reason because I want to die: I'm a fucking gay.

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Hi @angeltoms3, I want you to know that your life is worth living. You matter. You're life matters so much to humanity.

I am sorry that you feel being gay is the reason you want to die. I understand that it can be hard because there is so much hate. Sometimes we learn to hate ourselves because its what society tells us we should feel.

But you do not need to be ashamed of who you are. You can find love and thrive and be a healthy, whole person. I sure hope to hear from you soon. Please let me (and Steemians that love you) know how we can make you feel better and stronger to face tomorrow. YOU ARE LOVED AND MATTER.

Hello. Do not worry about me. That's a character, and I write about she/he to entertaiment. Thank you to worry about it.

Hello @angeltoms3, upv0t3
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