Okay, Yoni Massage from Dee Sunshine: (Go for it!)
So a Yoni massage is definitely something that was a new experience to me. In-fact it was a whole new world. What was it? I had never heard of it before coming to Ko Pang Yang and my god it terrified me, however it also did something else, the thought excited me. I almost tried to quell the thought of excitement as I had fears of exploitation and shame that sadly was linked into the thrill of it. It is often drilled into women that improving your sexualisation, your orgasms, your understanding of your passions can be wrong. There are many charlatans out there that can take you for a ride and use spirituality to manipulate you into doing things you feel uncomfortable with. So I say again, a Yoni Massage WHAT IS IT? Why was it bringing up so many different emotions in me?
Okay I lie slightly I was terrified yet totally intrigued, but I was very aware of one thing, I would not do it unless I felt completely comfortable, that was my ethos, this was not something I was going to do to appease an intrigue.
You see for the past 28 years I have not had an orgasm with a man. I knew I was not broken or malfunctioning as I was very able to bring myself to a wobbling, edgy climax of release but no-one else had. I knew why. I would not let go. I would not surrender. I would not relax. I refused. This was because of trust, fear and past experiences. I knew I could, but how was I to surrender to someone else when I wouldn't even surrender to myself.
My friend told me about Dee and asked whether it would be something I would consider doing. I said yes I would consider it. I also considered the possibility of having it with a woman, however I am able to surrender myself to woman, not in a sexual way as that is not who I enjoying playing with but in an emotional and connected way. Woman are not a problem! My trust issues lies with men. I also understand myself enough to know that I was defiantly ready emotionally to stand up to this and address it.
So I met Dee. A tanned, tattooed Scottish man. Brilliant. I liked him instantly. Maybe because the Scottish accent instantly made me feel grounded, it is hard to grow up in Scotland and not have your feet firmly rooted in the ground such is the Celtic way! I am Welsh so I felt a Celtic connection I felt at home and most importantly I felt relaxed. Dee has a certain energy about him that is calming. I have only met a few people like this in my life, when they walk into a room you take a deep breath as you feel the air has got lighter, almost cleaner, those people you can sit with and say nothing and that is okay as you do not feel the need to fill the silence between you, it can just wash over you. So yes I liked him.
I spoke about my fears with Dee and Caroline (his teacher at the time) and they let me have my space to do this. They explained what would happen and asked why I was doing it. So I said to let go. It was not about explosive first time orgasms or finding God, it was not about finding myself in my vagina or connecting to my higher self. It was so simple, yet something I had never achieved, release, surrender, loss of control and if I found God through that, then great!
I went to go and see Dee and Caroline at this lovely little house on stilts in the middle of a coconut grove, rather splendid. We drank tea, and talked further so that we all knew we were comfortable with each other. We then went into the sitting room where there was a space laid on the floor. Dee held the space and asked Shiva to be present in him so he could hold strength as well as grace in the ceremony that was to begin. I was nervous. But I felt Goddess like.
We began. I began in my head. I am always in my head. My body was feeling the sensations and my vocal cords were closed (which is unlike me in all other parts of my life) and my world was in my head. I saw me as little girl standing in a forest of flowers sitting and staring at this wild woman, this passionate goddess dancing naked in the grasses amongst vibrant colours and I felt so very, very far away from being free. Dee spoke, ‘Come back to us.’
Caroline supported me in making noise and trying to go with the flow of what was happening. The pair of them were trying to get my body, mind, voice and soul to get connected and find each other. It was almost like a live rhythm of energy was passing down the centre of my body from my head and just above my belly button it would stop.
I felt frustrated as I have felt many times before, but the interesting thing was the two people I was with in this space also knew that. I had never experienced that before. I had never had my body listened too. It was an empowering experience.
I wanted another one.
So Dee and I booked another session at his home in the jungle (how exotic!). I wanted it to be just me and him as I felt comfortable and relaxed with him.
I arrived, again he set the space beautifully, he called in Shiva and he treated my like a Goddess.
This was a very different experience.
Dee understands and connects with your body and emotions in a way that I have never experienced, he understands the movement of energies and goes with this flow in an almost trance like manner, never did I feel scared, anxious or abandoned during this session with him. I had so much energy coming up from my throat, so many years of stored up frustration, anger, fear, and most of all silence that I roared. I roared like a little girl, like a feisty woman, like a saint finding her God, like a lover screaming the house down, and I cried. I let so much out. I let it go.
That felt good. It also felt terrifying. I had let something out that I had held onto for such a long time that I felt that it was part of me. It was my fear, my isolation and mine. It hurt me so much over and over again but I owned it. I was so scared to let it go. But my god I am glad I did.
Dee held that space for me to do that. He also supported me in that space and after. He gave me the confidence to let go, to release and to surrender myself to myself. He also made me feel my VAGINA again. I could feel it then and still today, two years later.
Since my work with Dee I have had two partners, the first one I was with for 6 months and sexually it was explosive I CAME! I CAME A LOT! I ORGASMED! AGAIN AND AGAIN!!! It was mind blowing, however emotionally we did not fit. Through my work with myself and my vagina and Dee, I realised that if I was to be happy I needed a man that would meet me right where I needed them to meet me, I needed to be accepted completely I needed to be loved completely and I needed them to look at me as if I were magic.
For the first time in my life I realised that I deserved everything, all of it. I DESERVED IT. I now have found it. For nearly a year I am with a man that makes me come (alot!!), that finds my energies and channels them, that makes me laugh and loves me completely. I also realise that this man is actually only in my life as I had surrendered myself to him, I let him see all of the sides of me and he was not scared of them. I also realise that he is in my life as I have let myself except some of the sides of me that I was scared of…
…But back to Dee, I would not be where I am now, with this man if I had not had those experiences of letting go with him and his Yoni Massage work. I mean I might be, but I think I would have gone on another journey and it may have taken years to get to where I am. Dee supported and inspired me to not be afraid of my voice, my sexuality my vagina and my ability to connect.
So yes if you want a Yoni Massage that can expand you, release you, explode inside of you then go to Dee.
Thank you xxxx
Katie T Yorke
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