*boldomatic.com

*The videos below are just my voice, It's so that you understand and hear how it sounded like coming from me.

Ignore… a word known and used by many. A simple act of ignoring could either save one’s sanity or cause internal mayhem to another.

This time the word was used against me when i dated someone. Met at a local pub. A perky, cute and short little bubbly person, who is every bit attractive and seductive in her own way.

When i first met her, all that i had in mind was

Daaaaaayummmm She’s hot and cute and Daaaaaayummmm i want her as my wife.

I know its a bit too fast on the last part but that is what we all strive for no?.
You gotta have a long-term goal baybeh and mine came automatically.

So we talked, we danced and enjoyed each other’s company till dawn. It was nothing short but amazing. Well at least for me.

After that, i took her out on a couple more dates and I realised that, the more i came to know of her, the more attractive she gets. Since she’s base oversea, we kept our communication through whatsapp. We would have many long hours of talking, flirting, video calls and catching up.

One of my favourite moments with her was when she had a shitty day. Why?
Because she would hit me up, talked about it, and at the end of the night, we would be laughing and smiling. I still remembered what she said to me “I knew calling you up was a good idea, you always make me laugh and feel good”

AND THAT! my amigos, was one of my proudest moment. Who HA!

`
Unfortunately our moments didn’t last long. After her trip from oversea, she started to ignore me. :(
The first text i sent after the trip was met with silence.
There i was.. teeming with excitement and curiosity, only to be met with disappointment. I wanted to know of her adventures but alas, no reply :(.
To keep myself sane, i gave myself an excuse “Maybe she’s busy”.

And so i continued on with the waiting.

2nd day came, still no reply. “Still busy i guess?”.

3rd day, nada. (In Spanish means nothing)

4th day, still nothing.

And on the 5th day, ……

It was then that i thought “You know what, if you’re really busy why don’t you just tell me about it? I don’t like being left waiting and hanging. Even when i was busy i would at least have the decency to inform you and that we’ll catch up in a few days. I would appreciate it if you would do the same.”

Ohhhh how I wanted to tell her my thoughts but then again if she’s really busy and i sent it. Then that would make me an inconsiderate asshole. So I decided to keep the thoughts to myself and continued on with waiting.

And Right after i decided that!
My mind was swarmed with a lot of questions, and these questions caused the start of a series of emotional turbulence. I tried very hard to ignore it but instinctively when i’m resting, it just pops out of my head. And it’s soooo annoying because the longer i ignore it, the more it appeared. Fortunately i was able to manage it since it just started. Well.. at least for the time being.

Weeks went by and.... Still… Noooo.. Reply….

AND THEN!

A miracle happened. Coincidentally i managed to catch her online! I thought to myself “YES YES YES, I MIGHT GET A REPLY” immediately i went and sent her a text. Just a simple “Hi :)”
And in split seconds, she went offline…
At this point, I really miss her and i’m just... speechless.
“What The FucK?” was all that i could think of.

The mantle of disappointment shrouded my heart. With it came with even more questions.
So not to wail on it, i distracted myself the best that i can with work.

It was very hard to focus….

Everyday i was barely holding back those thoughts and feelings. I feared that i am at the brink of breaking.

But.. it was only a matter of time...

Anddd.. that unfortunate day came

While i was replying to some of my messages, i saw her name and immediately i was overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts that i’ve hold back all this time.
This time i can’t stop it, i felt totally restless.
Avoiding it all this time had resulted with a mountain of rage and disappointment.
Not only that, my heart re-beated an old forgotten feeling. One that brings forth the feeling of as if someone was squeezing your heart, the feeling of suffocating…

Pain

`

So i had no choice but to lay down my work and …
Work on my thoughts and emotions.

Why didn’t she reply?

I wonder what is she doing now?

Is she in any trouble?

Did i do something wrong?

Is she busy having fun with another man?

Is she dating with another man?

Or is she done with me?

`
I found myself constantly asking these questions for some reason.
And so i answered them all, honestly in this manner of order.

Thoughts: Why didn’t She reply?

Answer: Busy

My Reply: Well if you are busy, i would appreciate it if you could at least let me know what is going on. Don’t leave me hanging. I don’t have time for this.

`
After having to confront those few questions. I felt a slight sense of relief over my heart but it wasn’t enough to keep her off my mind.

Then i recalled a scene of a movie that i watched from the “After Earth” played by Will Smith and his son. The son of the general had to “take a knee” in order to get his shit together. The thought process involves, focusing on sight, sound and identifying how he feels. So I applied the same technique with my own twist.

I focused on my breathing, my feelings, and the beating of my heart.
I didn’t took a knee, instead i laid on the bed.
And i told myself this “Let’s look into this deeply and explore how i got myself into this mess”

I went all the way back to the beginning:

When we first met,

The decisions i have made to continue,

And the alarming things that i have noticed.

`
What i realised is that, i could have left this dating relationship that we had a long time ago. But i didn’t. I played myself into thinking that i should stay longer with her because maybe i don’t know her that well enough and that it was still too early to give a verdict. And also because i really want us to be together. Well to be honest with you, i have known her enough to make that decision but my feelings got the best of me.

Having to notice this helped to calm myself even more. Because i realised that the blame is not entirely on her. Unfortunately this is still not enough, my heart still ache when i think about her.

In the midst of all the thinking, for some reason i suddenly had the urge to want to write it all down.

So I went ahead with it and realized that i have found the missing piece. Halfway through the writing i found myself in the state of calmness. I felt in control over myself again. And because of that i just decided to leave it be and continued on working on my stuffs.

`
Since then i haven’t had her in my thoughts.

A week after that i came back to look at it and thought “i should share this”. And that is how this came to be :).

So to recap
How i recovered
1st List those emotionally evocative questions down
2nd Answer them truthfully *You can follow my example above if you want to
3rd Take a Knee * focus on your breathing, your feelings, and the beating of your heart
4th Then! revisit the beginning, the decisions you have made, and the alarming things you noticed.
5th write it done (At any stage, if you don’t feel like writing about it anymore then just stop.)

Just a note if you wanted to have a proper closure in order to move on but they’re not replying then you can use this script that i’ve made to deal with these kind of people.

`
Hi ___ (Their Name), its been __weeks/months since your last reply. I hope you’re doing well. It bugged me a lot on the fact that you’re not replying even though you could have. A simple “I’m sorry i’m busy with something now, i’ll talk to you next Tuesday or some other day” would be nice.

I don’t know what’s going on between us now.
So just to put it out there, let me know if:
You have no more feelings for me
You found somebody else
Or that you don't want to continue this relationship anymore

If you still want him/her as a friend then you can end it with this.

-Btw If i don’t get a reply within ___ days. It will be an automatic goodbye to our dating relationship. I hope we can still be friends at the very least. I still want to (Whatever your reasons for wanting to continue the friendship) :).

Hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely ______ (Your Name)

If they didn’t reply just use.
I wish you all the best in your endeavor. Take care and goodbye in advance.

If you want to completely cut him/her off once and for all

-Btw If i don’t get a reply within ___ days. It will be an automatic goodbye to our friendship and dating relationship.

If they didn’t reply, same stuff :) :
-I wish you all the best in your endeavor. Take care and goodbye in advance.

Sincerely _______. (Your Name)

Lessons learned

-The mess that i got myself into was my own doing. It takes 2 to tango as i have mentioned before. If i have chose not to date her then it wouldn't have ended this but then again i am also grateful because i came to learn how to deal with these kind of people.

-When i feel like my mind and my heart is spinning out of control, breath twice, ask myself these questions and make a choice. Do i want to continue feeling all shitty, powerless, restless and out of control or do i want to be in control? I reckon that you choose the later if you want to have a peace of mind.

-If the person isn't afraid of losing you then the relationship isn't worth investing.

-Communication is very important in a relationship. Without it, there is no relationship.

-Get to know the type of girls that i'm interested with, and if i make the decision to date them, expect what is to be expected.

Until the next post, take care *Fist Bump